BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids confused & lost

<img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" /> Welcome, come on in. Glad you decided to join!

Hang in there. While we're not a military family, I can understand you're feeling like you are alone. I think it happens to Childfree women all the time, no matter where they live. So many friends have come and gone when they have children.

My advice is to be your own and your husband's best friend. You are a newlywed and having a husband that supports the decision to be Childfree will bring wonderful happy times.

My husband works so much during the holidays, I barely see him. He works nights for 15 hours during the holidays. That's when I become my own best friend. One thing I enjoy on a daily basis is setting the table real nice for myself and cook delish food with leftovers carefully wrapped for DH when he wakes up. These boards are good too, especially when you need to keep in touch with similiar lifestyles. I love Childfree boards very much.

I know I am probably not the most favorite person here, but I still enjoy and always will enjoy Childfree forums.

And about car breaking down - I have always relied on my Triple AAA road service. It is the best thing I've ever done when it comes to cars.

Sweetie, DO NOT give in and have a kid. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. I have 2 friends who "gave in" and they complain all the time about their kids and how they wish they had the decision to do over again. Those cows on the base are awful to you because they are jealous. Jealous of your freedom, extra money, toned body, peace of mind, happy life, and clean home. If they are going to act like snotty bitches to you, then I'd rub every last bit of your freedom in their faces. You don't need a kid to keep you occupied when your husband is gone and you don't owe those bitches anything. With a little research, you could find TONS of things to do - learn new things, volunteer, get a 2nd job. Their mentality doesn't extend beyond breeding and sitting around cackling with a bunch of hens about formula, homeschooling, breast feeding and diapers. You don't need them. Misery loves company which is why they all band together and leave you out. Outside of missing Hubby, you mentioned you have a whale of a time when you are alone with the cats - a CLEAR indication that a kid hanging around, crying, groping and being needy would make your head explode. You also mentioned you have too much respect for yourself and your life to ruin it with a kid. PRECISELY. Giving in would be the same as allowing all those people to take away your self-respect. Your next-to-last paragraph about what your husband said is KEY. Take heed. He is absolutely right. You guys have the opportunity for a fantastic life together without the bother or resentment of kids - take advantage of it. I am 38, newly divorced - was married for 12 years - and am SO HAPPY with my life and thank the gods every single day that I never made the mistake of having kids. I have 6 cats, a dog, and a great, CF man. Life is good. Your cats and hubby are far better company any day over a bunch of bitter sows. Be strong and to hell with everyone. You are happy with your life and that's all that matters.

Hey pumpkinmuffin! First of all, welcome to the boards!! I now how I felt when I first found this place and Brats....ecstatic. When I was growing up, I always dreaded the day when I would be forced to have kids...then, upon coming here, I realized I DO have a choice and there are other women out there that feel the same way I do. That was a great feeling.
As for those b*tches on base....honey, I am so sorry! I was getting angry for you just reading your post. Some people are just plain rotten to the core, and unfortunately it seems you have come across quite a few like that. They are just jealous of you, so keep that in mind. I have a few girlfriends who are married to military men and have heard how practically all the women start having kids immediately after getting married.
Just keep in mind that your choice is right for YOU and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Keep coming here for support...it helps me a lot when it seems like everyone around me has the "Baby rabies."

Now THAT is a lot of pressure from mothers. I agree. If you give in, they win and you lose.

Hi Pumkin and wellcome! My ex hubby was in the army and we lived on several small bases. I had the same experiences that you have had. I found the best way to deal with it was to ignore the whole military lifestyle and find friends off base through my job. Best of luck to you. I know how difficult it is, but you can and will get through it. Those uber moms don't matter in your life.

HUGS,
Lisa <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hope ya'll don't mind me joining in, I am not childfree, but I can relate to the military way of life. My ex was in Alabama and I HATED living on post. At first he encouraged me to join the women (they had teas and ect) and when I didn't he got more and more angry. He said my not participating was bad for him. I had to participate and "help" him further his career. I told him I didn't join the army...you did! Anyway, those ladies were not nice to me, they didn't want me joining them and didn't go out of their way at all to make me feel welcome at all. What do you enjoy doing? See if there are activities/clubs that you would be interested in off post.

I just feel so bad for you that you didn't have anyone to come help you when you needed help. People are just too mean! I hope things start looking up for you...

Thank you again to everyone for their help. All your advice and kind words were exactly what I needed to get myself jumping right back into life. My husband and I are looking forward to attending a dinner with our local No Kidding group next month and also had the opportunity to meet an older couple at a local farmers market who never had children and do not regret the decision. Hearing about all of their life adventures and how well their marriage is thanks to their good decision really helps me reaffirm how right not having children is for us.

We have also been able to find a way for us to be able to make it to our last duty station prior to my husband getting out in Washington State much sooner than planned which in turn means buying our home and my masters degree (and eventual PhD) are not that far away, so I just need to hang on for a little while longer. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

After really reflecting I do think my recent stumbling on the children issue has more to do with recently graduating from college and feeling a little lost without classes to fill my days rather than the whole breeding mentality of the army. The area we live in does not have the best economy and the only jobs available are ridiculous minimum wage type jobs which has also been really frustrating as I worked very hard for my degree and would like to use it. I realize now things will get better and I am not alone like I felt as I was last week.

Thank you again for all of the help and I look forward to being part of this message board.

Congrats on graduating from college! I am glad to hear that things are looking up for you.