BellaOnline Forums Food and Wine Japanese Food You know you're a lousy cook when...

...something like this arrives in your email box--signed by an anonymous "friend!"


Do you have a funny "lousy cook" experience you'd like to share?

******************************************************

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LOUSY COOK WHEN:

*You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

*When you ask your DH what he'd like for dinner and he says, "Why don't we eat out again tonight?"

*You consider it a culinary success if the Pop Tart stays in one piece.

*Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

*Your family buys Aka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

*When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

*Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

*The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols.

*Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

*Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

*Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

*You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

*Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.

*You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware.

*Your family prays AFTER they eat!

When little Bobby's family went to Grammas for Sunday dinner, his Father was terribly embarrassed that his normally very polite son did not wait for grace to be said before tucking into his food.

"Bobby!", his Father said sharply, "You know we always pray before we eat!"

Bobby replied, "Yes, but that's at home. Gramma KNOWS how to cook!"

Seriously, this past summer I headed up the cooking for our kids camp at church (an all day Bible school if you will)

I should have known I was in trouble when I told my children's pastor I would need at least 2 helpers in the kitchen and he sent me 2 14 yr old girls. (I was fixing lunch and 2 snacks for 80 kids).

I explained I could NOT use teenagers, I needed adult help, so he sent me 3 men.

Luckily one was my cousin who has helped my mother in her catering business, so he was helpful, another is an avid hunter, so is competent in basic food prep.

The 3rd guy just had me laughing the entire time. We were fixing Luau Chicken Skewers (Hawaiian theme) He went "ewwwww, what's this?" I said that's the fat just trim it off and throw it away, He gows "ewwwwww, what's this?" I said that's the connective tissue, just trim it off and throw it away. "ewwwww, what's this?" That's the raw chicken, we need that, please cut it into chunks.

I said "your wife must do all of the cooking around your house." He said no, I said, "Don't tell me you do." He said no. They have one child who is 12, and while he is quite intelligent I was about to have a heart attack, "Jay?!?'"
He said no. "So what do you guys do? Eat out every night?"

This man looked me straight in the eye and said, "Pretty much" I thought I was going to faint!

I can barely talk my husband into eating out 2x a month!

Thought these were cute...