BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What to say to friends with kids?

I'm 27, a college student, married 3 years with no kids. Lately, I find myself in a very strange phase of life...all around me, my fellow womenkind are going baby crazy at an astonishing rate. I pride myself on being a very open minded person who respects all lifestyles, but lately I find myself quite angry that these same friends are trying to turn their baby obsessions onto me. I'm torn between being the best friend I can be and telling them off in a not-so-friendly fashion. For example, my husband and I were having dinner with friends who were expecting their first child. It didn't take long for the usual "so when are you guys having kids"? question to pop up. I politely but firmly asked them not to ask us that and they immediately became offended. Our pregnant friend turned to us indignantly and said, "Well! We just want you to be as happy as we are." I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "yeah, misery loves company!". Any advice on how to respond to these nasty questions would be much appreciated!

You don't have to say anything. They are the ones being rude.

You could say "I don't discuss my sex life in public." I mean, for all that a woman's body becomes community property when she's pregnant, it is still fundamentally a private sexual function.

I went through the "all of my womankind are going baby crazy" phase. But they all knew from the get-go that I didnt want children. So maybe if you just explain yourself to them they wont ask anymore.

I am still friends with a lot of those women years later and seen their children grow and I am very happy for my friends, but it's just not for me. And most of the time everything is okay.

Just respect them and they will respect you. And if they dont then they are not worth having around anyway.

it can be a very difficult situation. i recently "came out" to oneof my best friends. as i wrote in another post i had thought about adoption years ago before i became cf.i never really discussed my cf decision with my best friend and i guess i just figured that she would just figure it out on her own. no dice. she asked me last weekend if my husband and i were still planning on adopting.i told her no and that we weren't going to have children. it was awkward b/c like you said you don't want to sound like your disrespecting their decision to have children but i'm so glad i was finally upfront about it. she really didn't say anything and it hasn't been an issue. to me that;'s a true friend. that is definitely a reason why we've been able to stay close even though she has a child. i really respect her decision and she respects mine. if your friend doesn't respect you then i think you need to have a talk with her about it and explain how you feel. hopefully she'll realize that the friendship is more imp. and valuable than her inflicting her opinions on you. if she doesn't then i think you really need to evaluate the friendship and decide if this is really a friend you want in you life. to me a true friend respects your life decisions even if they don't agree with them. maybe she'll be less forceful after she has her child and realizes how tough parenthood really is. i have a friend who doesn't want to get married and never has. i certainly am not offended by this just b/c i'm married so i look at being cf and parenthood the same way. i wish more parents were respectful of our decision.yes, i do know that some are and i'm not saying that all parents are like that but unfortunately there are enough around to make cfers lives more stressful and difficult.
indigo

Should've just said, "What makes you think we AREN'T happy just the way we are?"

The good news is as you get older you will hear that question less and less. I'm a few days shy of 36, when I was in my late 20s and early thirties, I heard that question all the time. I hated it.

If I was talking to a "true" friend who was PG I would tell her that I was happy that she was pg because that's what she wanted. Then I would do my best to explain that having kids isn't what I wanted. - This didn't always go well. Sometimes I would use the analogy, "If you got into medical school, I would be thrilled for you, but that doesn't mean that I am going to become a doctor, because you are."

I find that the happier people are with their life choices, then they are not as threatened when you make a choice that is different from their own.

Good luck
Jeanne

"If you got into medical school, I would be thrilled for you, but that doesn't mean that I am going to become a doctor, because you are."

^ I like that quote. I said something along those lines to some friends of mine.

I agree, explain your position. If they are supportive then you have yourself a true friend!!! If not, then I wouldn't want a friend who couldn't be supportive of my life decisions anyway. I think sometimes people who do want children just assume everyone else does. I don't think they meant any harm in asking you that question, they just don't understand it. And really, they don't have to understand it, but if they want to be a good friend they should support and accept it. But you have to let them know your view on it before they can do that. At least give them the chance. If they can't accept that different people have different needs, then thier loss not yours!! I've been going through some similar experiences, I know the cf thing is not easy!! Good luck.