BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Autism Spectrum Disorders ignorant family members

well grandma came to visit this weekend...after all this time, she still harps on some of my boys' behaviors...this visit, she had a hissy fit directed at my younger son & ended up saying he deserved to be locked up in a correctional facility. I'd cut off contact 100% if I could, but my house which I rent is owned by her...she does live over 80 miles away, so we don't see her more than 4X a year...over the years I have had friends & family say idiotic things, including my ex hubby who said one day my older son will just "snap out of it"!!! Now I think, who are REALLY the disabled ones???
would anyone like to post stupid comments made by friends/family about their kids???

Whew! Have you touched a raw spot! I have heard HORRIBLE things said about my son both by family members and by strangers. Long ago, I was told that the autism was my fault for letting him watch TV, and that all he needed was a good spanking. Those comments were from family members and have stopped, thankfully. The comments by strangers make me soooooo angry now! In the very traditional Hispanic culture, spanking children is thoroughly accepted and I have heard strangers tell me to spank him or worse, to let them spank him! I've heard adults tell their children to stay away from "the crazy boy," and using my child as an example of how not to behave. My son doesn't speak, but he does verbalize (much like a baby does). You can imagine the comments I hear from insensitive and uneducated and intolerant people. Much of the time, I let the comments and the anger roll off my back. Sometimes, however, I get so upset and I even cry sometimes. A few months ago, I confronted a Wal-Mart employee who waited until I walked away from his register and said to the customer behind me "If he was mine, you better believe I'd shut him up." My usual response to that is "Thank God he's not yours then. God must know why he gave him to me."

Hey, thanks for letting me vent. I needed to get all these repressed comments off my chest. Whew...what a relief.
Angie

Y'all must have missed my posting about my fight (verbal) in the middle of Hartsfield (Atlanta) airport, with this woman and her husband that looked so embarrassed I thought he was going to crawl throught the floor! I don't even remember where it was. It takes a while to get me riled up, but once I am I blow my stack (as was evidenced in my little session with Dr. Keith <img src="/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)

My family has been mostly supporting, except my dad who still thinks everything can be solved by a beating. It took ages to convince him that if you hit Michael, he hit back, and it just escalated!

I used to hang my head in embarrassment when people made comments like "if he were mine I'd..." but then I got tired of it, and I started whirling around on people. Usually the people that say that are either 1. childless, 2. child abusers, or 3. grandparents that have idealized their experience into this dreamworld.

You know what "normal" kids pitch tantrums just as loud and raucous as ours do, and they do it intentionally knowing what the result will be! Ours do it because they can't handle the overload of emotions at the time. So whose kids are more out of control? (Of course I don't mean all children - but I've watched my own cousin's child throw a tantrum to rival one of Michael's and hers ends just as soon as she gets the toy, Michael's wouldn't - because his wasn't about controlling me.)


Ah, here's the thread about my Atlanta airport experience;
http://forums.bellaonline.com/showflat.p...=1#Post22814072
WARNING: it's not pretty

the irony is, my son, who is 15 years old & PDD-NOS & a brittle diabetic for over 8 years, was NOT even throwing a tantrum...he was teasing Grandma!

Sounds like Grandma needs a timeout! <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue2.gif" alt="" />

I WAS ASKED TO LEAVE A SUPERMARKET ONCE BECAUSE MY DEVELOPMENTALLY DELAYED SON WITH AUTISM WAS HAVING A SCREAMING "FIT" AND IT WAS UPSETTING TO THE OTHER CUSTOMERS. NEEDLESS TO SAY I POINTED OUT THAT THEY HAD NOT ASKED ANY OF THE OTHER MOTHERS WHOSE CHILDREN HAD ALSO BEEN THROWING TANTRUMS IN THE STORE TO LEAVE, THAT THEY WERE CLEARLY DISCRIMINATING AGAINST MY SON BECAUSE OF HIS DISABILITIES. LONG STORY SHORT I WAS LEFT ALONE, GOT MY SON CALMED DOWN AND FINSHED MY SHOPPING. I STILL SHOP THERE BECAUSE NOW THEY HAVE A BETTER IDEA ABOUT A CHILD WITH AUTISM AND IF MY SON THROWS A FIT (WHICH ISN'T THAT OFTEN ) NOW IN THE STORE THEY LET ME HANDLE IT . I BELEIVE THAT EVERYONE INCLUDING MY SON IS A TEACHER IN SOME WAY. AS FAR AS FAMILY MEMBERS I HAD MY SISTER TELL ME MY SON WAS POSSESSED BY DEMONS AND WE SHOULD PRAY UNTIL THE EVIL WAS CASTED OUT. I THANKED HER AND TOLD I WOULD KEEP IT IN MIND SHOULD HIS HEAD EVER SPIN ALL THE WAY AROUND.

Good for you for standing up for your son! Recently, a local tv station is running a public service announcement that encourages people to be tolerant of crying babies in restaurants. The point of the announcement is that when parents see that other adults are stressed by the crying baby, they are more likely to abuse their children. I believe that anything that helps create awareness and tolerance is a good thing, regardless of the angle taken. I plan to write a letter to the editor of the local paper praising the agency that is running the ad and asking for that the same patience and tolerance be extended to Autistic people and their parents.

I've been hurt so many times by ugly comments that I'm really hoping this advertisement will help. Is anything similar running where you live?

P.S. Don't even get me started on the religious comments that I've heard about Autism!


Angie

I am still just amazed that in this day and age people actually blame psychological diseases on possession. Especially children!

And if people have not heard by now about autism then they are just ignorant (but then I guess I just answered myself didn't I?)

I don't know how many of you were around when we were talking about the chelation articles on yahoo, but some of those people were just whack jobs! And yes, about 1/8th of them were blaming autism on demon possession.

Before Michael started receiving any treatment for his Asperger's he would throw violent tantrums, BUT he NEVER LIED. He was the MOST INNOCENT child I have ever known, simply because it never occurred to him not to be.

Sounds real evil doesn't it?

I couldn't agree more that special needs childern are the most innocent, When my son makes eye contact and gives me a hug I feel like he's the closes thing to an angel here on earth. Hey I would like people's opinion about something my son's class went on a boat ride across a rather large river now everyone had lifevests on and there was one-on-one staff for each child , but James loves the water so much that I was worried that he'd try to jump in the water (he can't swim) would have to be restrained and would have a fit. I didn't let him go I felt it would'nt be fair to the teachers or the kids, now my huband says I treat him like a boy in a bubble that I should let him go on each class trip and let the teachers who are trained to deal with childern with autism handle each thing that comes up. He says I worry too much and that's putting limits on James but I feel I'm just looking out for him, Am I Being over protective?

I don't send my son Matthew on field trips. Nicholas wants me to attend with him but I cannot since there might be an emergency with Matthew at his school. I use how Nicholas feels about field trips to make my decisions for Matthew.

Nicholas is higher functioning and verbal. He says the bus rides are too long and the museum trips are boring and he misses me. No way would I send Matthew without also attending.

I was on jury duty and had no choice for the summer autism day camp, but they are more experienced and they drive cars, not buses and he did go to the long beach aquarium and they had many helpers and I saw the photos and he looked like he enjoyed himself.