BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I don't think I can ever be the cool aunt

After reading about being a cool aunt, I don't feel like I am the cool aunt. It's a sore subject with me. My brother-in-law is a control freak and has never liked me from day one of my twin sister's now 18-year marriage. I have been married 2-1/2 years.

My BIL doesn't do very much in the way of being a father. He is the most selfish man (next to my father) I have ever met.

When my sister was pregnant with her first baby, I was stepped in as the lamaze coach b/c her husband was too busy working and couldn't be bothered with such things. After me standing by her side for the delivery, I wasn't even told about the second and third births until the kids were a few days old.

At their third child's christening, little nephew baby was being passed around to different people in the pews. My BIL never once reached out to hold him until I did. As soon as I was holding him, along came big arms and took him away from me.

If I buy my niece or nephews any kind of nice gift, he will go out and buy a bigger better gift within a week of my gift-giving.

We had a great video game set-up at our house and my nephew wanted to spend the weekend to play with it...well he never did cuz guess who bought him a brand new one of his own to play with at home before said weekend approached.

I know my sister and BIL talk about me too cuz when we all see each other for family gatherings, my niece and nephew are so shy and have confused looks on their faces. They rarely come running up to me to say hello or give me a hug. But when they see their father's side of the family aunts and whoever, they are bright-eyed and full of hugs.

I recently bought my nephew a nice aquarium and filter to go with a frog I raised in my water garden. I had to empty the water garen b/c I am moving out of state and we sold our place. Well guess who has a bigger pump and a turtle now? My setup is sitting empty on the floor.

One weekend my niece stayed over. It turned out terrible. I honestly thought she was clinically depressed. I did everything she liked, ate out, ate in, went to the beach, painted, watched TV, played board games, but she never had anything to say. Just hung her head low and eventually started crying. She was 10 at the time. I told her mother about it and it turned out she forced her daughter to spend the weekend with me...my niece really wanted to spend the weekend somewhere else.

These are just some examples of how I am constantly showed up, ignored, or just plain uninvited.

Personally, I think my BIL is jealous of me because he never really wanted to be a father of three, and here I am 41 with no kids and great husband. In fact he flat out told my sister while eating dinner at a fancy restaurant that he would stand behind her if she aborted her third pregnancy.

So, I don't think I can ever be the cool aunt because my jealous brother-in-law just can't stand that I am childfree.

Oh that sounds horrible! I'm so sorry your BIL is such a jerk. Have you talked to your sister about it at all? How is the rest of your family treated by him?

I have a problem with the auntie thing, too. It's expensive for one thing. And I just don't like spending time with children, or around adults who are completely absorbed in them. My vacations always involve going to see BIL's family; two kids. It is as stressful and boring a way to spend a week as I can think of. And hubby and I are guilted into never leaving for a moment. Even to see friends nearby. Snack-time, nap-time, kid videos, a trip to the petting zoo...can I go home now?

Post deleted by Lynnk

Thanks, he treats the rest of my family like a big joke. He laughs at everything we do...and now his kids also laugh at my mother and me. We have a small family, just my dad (until two years ago) and my mom and my sister. No cousins.

Well, I actually do get to be the cool aunt, but as for your situation, I am surprised that your sister (especially since she is a twin and twins typically are very protective of one another) is allowing it to go on. Although 18 years is a long time for being controlled and brainwashed! Have you spoken to your mother to see how she feels about your BIL's behavior? If it is as upsetting to her (and it should be-especially since the children are now modeling his behavior), it is time to speak with your sister directly, outside of his presence, and be brutally honest. Don't attack him, but do focus on specific behaviors and instances. For example, the making fun of and laughing at you and your mother. Let her know that your feelings are hurt and that it is inappropriate and unfair to your mother to be treated as such as well.
If she chooses to do nothing, and often in such controlling relationships that is what happens, I would steer clear of them at all costs. As painful as it is, especially since she is your twin, life is to short to waste time and energy on ignorant jerks!

I think I will be a better aunt once my niece gets older. I don't like kids but babies are the worst for me. The younger they are the less I like them. My niece is 10 months old now. The first and only time I saw her was a few months ago when my brother came to visit for a few days. Everyone looked at me in shock anytime someone forced me to hold her, and then they proceeded to make fun of me because I have no idea how to hold a baby.

We're moving out of state and one of the reasons, sadly is that I need to get away from her and her dysfunctional family.

My mother does not say a word. I don't know, she is quite old-fashioned and thinks that having babies and staying with your husband no matter what kind of [censored] he is, is the righteous thing to do.

Yes, life is too short to stay involved with this mess. I have in the past spoke quite clearly to my mother and my sister and I always get this answer, "I don't know what I am talking about because I don't have children" and for a long time I wasn't married either, so they threw that one on me too.

I have a bumber sticker on my truck that says, "Life's short - eat biscuits". It's a web page of Calvin the dog and dog zen.

I definitely know the difference between a competent together family and one that is not. I completely admire families that have it together and raise kids that are taught manners, love, open-mindedness, independence, and whatever else comes with good parenting.