BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Would like to join the group........

Hi Karen - welcome to the boards! I've been very lucky in that I haven't faced a lot of pressure or censure for my choice to be childfree, but it's certainly fun to talk to like-minded people. I do know what it's like to have longtime friendships change radically (or disappear altogether) once babies enter the picture....or the aggravation of sitting at work listening to your co-workers talk about their kids ad nauseum. So ramble, vent, opine away!

Hi Karenb,

I'm new also and find it to be such a help to know that there are others like me out there that I can talk to. That's what we're all here for to help each other.

[color:"magenta"] hey karenb. I'm not an only child, but I'm the only female (other than my mom) in the family. I get guilted often, but I just ignore it. I just figure it's my life, no one elses.

I also get less respect from my in-laws, but I just figure that it's b/c they are jealous. I'd say tough sh*t. (Just my thoughts)

Btw, nice site!!!! I love having a place to vent, express my childfree feelings, and ect. <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

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Thanks for the welcome! I definitely feel right at home! I don't know what it's like in other parts of the country and globe, but being childfree-minded in the Bible Belt in Texas, you get the strangest reactions sometimes from people. It's just a given in some circles that you go to church and have kids. A friend of mine said it's not as bad in other parts of the US, and I didn't know if that was true.

It seems as though the "churchier" the population is, the more likely they are to think you're a freak for not wanting kids. I had a friend who'd grown up in the deep South who used to jokingly say Seattle was a city of heathens because hardly anyone goes to church. She's also the one who told me you THINK you love your husband but you don't experience true love until you have kids. My mom told me that was BS....she and my dad have been married 39 years; my friend has since divorced.

What garbage! She sounds like one of those people who thinks that having a baby will save your marriage or bring you and your spouse closer together. Actually, having a baby can strain your marriage to the point that it ends (or on the verge).

It seems like there's all these negative aspects to having children, and nobody ever says anything about them. It's all whitewashed into a Hallmark card. I watched a show on Oprah Winfrey one day where mothers talked about how difficult their lives were after they had a baby and how unhappy they were. Later, there was a follow up show (which I didn't see) where some mothers came on, upset over the fact that the first show made motherhood out to be so negative. Oprah asked what was wrong with people knowing about how hard motherhood is, and one of the mothers said it might turn people off to having kids. But I think the first show was honest, and I think if people really thought about the work involved, they wouldn't have kids. We need that honesty. It's almost like there's a conspiracy.

That's the part I just don't get. Why are there these parents out there who care if other people get turned off to having kids? It's not going to effect their lives any; they already have their kids. Do they get bonus miles for OTHER people having children or something? These are the type of parents that I was talking about in the other thread - the kind that need to have their choice validated because they're not 100% sure they're all that happy with it...

I agree...maybe they got sucked into it and regretted it. And of course, misery loves company. I've known people like that and they really bring me down. The peer pressure is funny...these people act like they're in high school or something, and they've got to be like everyone else.

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