BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Interesting E-mail.

I just had something interesting happen. and it had to do with a CF topic so I decided to write on it.

I just got a E-mail from a couple that I am friends with that said they were Expecting. they even had a little pic of them.

They had a picture along with a 'Guess what were Pregnant!" after. Nothing else. (they sent it to all of their friends and family)

my CF friend and I were talking online and asks me "Did you check your E-Mail lately" I told her no, and then went to check it. After seeing that, her response was "Looks like we lost another one" I was shocked. We both knew they have been trying for awile. I was nothing but excited for them. Even if I decide to be ChildFree I have to admit starting a new life and just finding out your pregant with your 1st child together must be exciting.

I would have called her and chatted it up right then if it wasnt so late. And all my friend had to say about it was "lost another one"

Was it unusual for me to be happy for her, or was it unusual for my friend to be un-happy for her??. I am calling her up tomorrow to chat about the baby and Pregnancy while my friend says she wont even call her for awhile. Dont you think thats being a little out there. Or no?

I really am not trying to "argue" so dont take it that way. I am seriously trying to figure out why my CF friend acts that way. Did any of you get excited when you heard a couple was Pregnant you were close to. Because I am for real like "YAY!" and my CF friend is the opposite. It's just interesting to me.

Sorry..Double post

No, it's not unusual for you to be happy for them - I think that's how you should feel towards a friend who wants kids. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My best friend tried for a long time before she finally got pregnant and I was thrilled for her! Of course I was a bit sad because I knew our friendship would never be the same, but I think that's normal.

For me, one reason for being reluctant to show happiness is a reflex thought: did they plan to get pregnant and thought hard about being parents? I'm one of those people who see many bad parents that the first thing I'm wondering is whether they're really one of those wonderful people who take parenting seriously.

One of my closest friends is pregnant with her first child. I am very happy for her because that's what she wants. I am excited to find out if the baby is a boy or girl (hopefully, girl), to hear the name she picks and to buy the cute baby clothes. Other than that I don't have a lot of interest in the day-to-day activities of parenting whereas I know she will be consumed with it. I don't begrudge her for that..but I know that inevitably our friendship will change and that makes me sad. Up until now, we have had very similar lifestyles and interests. All of that is about to come to an end so of course I feel a "loss." Loss of our old friendship. Sure, we will still be friends but it will forever be different once the baby arrives.


I also know that eventually she will seek out more "mommy" friends and I will seek more CF friends. It's not anyone's fault, it's just human nature to be drawn to people with interests similar to your own. I will continue to enjoy my CF activities and she will start to enjoy all her kid-friendly activities. Hard not to be sad about going down different paths....

I can see both sides. I can be happy for the friend who has been trying to get pregnant.

But I can see where your other friend is coming from. I've lost a few friends to motherhood. They don't return your calls, they don't hang out as often, and when they do all they talk about is the baby. If you try to tell them about your life they change the subject.

I can understand the feeling of "loss" in a way. My best friend has children and me and her still talk everyday, but some of my other friends moved on. With my best friend she talked a lot about the babies until they werent "new" anymore. She will bring up "Oh my daughter got a A in math" and etc but she wont go on and on about it.

I am just so happy because this newly pregnant couple were trying for over a year. I think maybe my CF friend may be feeling like all of her other friends are having kids and leaving her out in the cold. I am her friend too but I am a new friend (I was actually introduced through her older freinds) and now all of her Long-time friends are having children. Maybe she feels out of place. I think I will talk to her about it.

I think this happens with many life changes that one friend experiences and the other doesn't--like marriage, college, moving to another city, etc. Just maybe not as dramatically as when there's a baby. The first few years are intensely time-consuming for a new parent--it's a whole different world with about a million new things to learn & do and worry about. So, you do get a little one-track minded.

My best friend had her first child 3 years before I did and I felt abandoned because I didn't get it. I was a little whiny about it, too -- "Put him to sleep and let's make margaritas!" LOL! I expected her life not to change, just add one baby and that's not so much, right? I didn't know it's very much. I learned later, and by then I lived in a different city and was learning by myself!

Well, with my closest friends we just make sure we make time for eachother. it's not only them. I have a very demanding job, and it's all new. So I have to clear my schedule with my job and they do with their children just so we can find time for eachother.

But it's well worth it. once I am with those girls we just relax and laugh our butt's off. we try to do this every-other weekend. it lets off a lot of steam for both me and them. and yeah they talk about their kids at times and I talk about my job. It isnt a uncomfortable subject or anything. I just have really cool friends. and they dont make me feel weird because I am CF and I dont put them down for having kids. Were all just living life.

I don't think not being happy for someone expecting is being negative. My first thoughts whenever a friend told me she was expecting was also, "Lost another one." No one compliments us on our decisions to be CF so why should we compliment them? The friends I have been close with in the past who have decided to have kids have changed into people that I don't care to associate with. Self-centered, entitlement-minded obsessed parents with no regard for anyone but their kids. I've had so many parent "friends" use their kids as pathetic excuses for getting out of doing things - a lot of them have showed me exactly what kind of people they really are after they've had children.