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Tired if being treated as inferior! #212391
09/26/05 01:23 AM
09/26/05 01:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Flowery Branch, Georgia
musicalmom Offline OP
Gecko
musicalmom  Offline OP
Gecko

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Flowery Branch, Georgia
Is there anyone else out there that feels like the "non-moms" look down on us?

I am an extremely intelligent woman, and it never fails that if I get into a conversation with a woman that doesn't have children, she seems to get this "superiority complex".

Do people honestly think that having babies reduces our intelligence?

(Sorry, just came off a rant somewhere else on this board, and would like a little friendly commiseration!)<img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />


Michelle Taylor
Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
(go on, ask)
Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212392
09/26/05 04:00 AM
09/26/05 04:00 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,053
Memphis, TN
BellaDeb Offline
Zebra
BellaDeb  Offline
Zebra

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,053
Memphis, TN
Hey, Michelle,

I have read some of those posts, too and I came quickly to the conclusion that many of those posters cannot accept and stand by their own decision without degrading others who made different decisions.

I certainly would never encourage anyone to have children - or to get married or buy the same car I drive, nor would I berate them for choosing otherwise.

I planned both my kids, raised them into educated, productive adults and to have them referred to as "f***trophys" is not just insulting, it's misspelled. And, what the hell is a "parunt"?

I am not a "breeder", I am a mother to two fabulous children. I also earned a college degree at the age of 20, have had a very successful career, and now run my own business.

I would not exclude someone who is "childfree" based on that factor anymore than I would exclude someone based on their race or religion or the fact that they like turnip greens. But obviously, it's okay for them to choose to only talk to each other. That way, they will all think alike and it becomes a big "rah-rah" fest for condemning those who think or choose differently.

They are bigots of a different nature. And, like all bigots, their prejudice is based on some internal inferiority or some fear that they might not be right. And, like all bigots, they have to degrade and riducle the object of their bigotry in order to quiet their own inner demons.

I hope they don't have children--there are enough bigots in the world already, and children do learn what they live with.

Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212393
09/26/05 06:54 AM
09/26/05 06:54 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 129
Delongcrey Offline
Jellyfish
Delongcrey  Offline
Jellyfish

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 129
I am part of the CF board. But I want to say sorry for the way a lot of them act. I dont have children but do not look down on mothers. I hate the word "Breeders" as if Parents were Dogs. I think their comments only make them look like morons.

There are maybe 2 or 3 girls in that board that have the same views as me. But the rest are delusional.

I wouldnt let the comments of those rambling idiots get to you. And I am here to say that there are some people who are Child-Free that are not like that at all.

Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212394
09/26/05 04:28 PM
09/26/05 04:28 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Flowery Branch, Georgia
musicalmom Offline OP
Gecko
musicalmom  Offline OP
Gecko

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Flowery Branch, Georgia
Thank you Deloncrey. I was pretty upset last night when I wrote this post. When I came back on today I saw several people had taken up issue w/ "Dr. Keith".

But it is not just on this board, I find it out in "real life", too. Especially when I say the words "stay at hime mom". You'd think my IQ just dropped 100 points! <img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It is kind of funny, many if you know I suffer from severe depression, my therapist actually said my staying at home was adding to my depression, that I needed to get out & get a job that would stimulate me. She said I was too intelligent, that it was bad for me to stay at home! And here I was thinking I was doing the best thing. Oh well...

Thank you both for letting me rant! <img src="/images/graemlins/computer.gif" alt="" />


Michelle Taylor
Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
(go on, ask)
Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212395
09/26/05 07:01 PM
09/26/05 07:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,053
Memphis, TN
BellaDeb Offline
Zebra
BellaDeb  Offline
Zebra

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,053
Memphis, TN
Michelle, I find that many people are unable to look outside their own worldview, usually because they feel threatened. Especially moms -- it's always a difficult choice to "work outside the home" or be a "stay-at-home mom". I did both and the pros and cons are there for both choices. I do believe it's a contributing factor in the work-at-home trend, which even men are doing now!

As to your depression being worse because you don't work--well, many people are depressed at work! So, working at home is maybe your answer. You are intelligent and have a lot to offer, so you would have many options. And, you could still be available for your kids.

From personal experience, I do know that meaninful activity does help with depression, but it's hard to get started when you are depressed!

I'm sure you have some personal dream for yourself, and I'd guess it might be in music, so start very small with that. Like just 30 minutes a day. For example, you could use if to supplement your therapy and keep track of your results and write a book about it and make a gillion dollars! LOL--seriously, music is great therapy! And, when you tell others that you are working on ground-breaking research in musical therapy for depressive disorders, well, that's quite lofty and those raised eyebrows will be awed, not condescending.

I'm only being a little tongue-in-cheek here--I do believe you can use any interest or dream you have to light your inner fire. And, I believe that having the opportunity to work at home on your dreams while raising your children is lucky and a double blessing.

Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212396
10/02/05 01:42 PM
10/02/05 01:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 932
C Lewis Offline
Parakeet
C Lewis  Offline
Parakeet

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 932
Hey Michelle, I agree with a lot of what Deborah said. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There are probably just as many depressed working women as there are stay at home women. I was a Managing Editor for a publishing company producing 3 mags a month. It was the coolest job EVER! I positively loved it. But guess what, I was also depressed. I am just not meant to be a working mom. Yep, that nice salary was sweet, but not worth missing my kids like I did and missing out on their lives.

It's also pretty easy to get depressed at home too. I get really frustrated with how nasty and messy my house gets. I don't get out socialize because I'm too doggone busy with my kids. Money is always an issue. Oh, and I hate the cold weather so it's not unusual for me to stay in for a week or two at a time during the winter. It's also a constant battle to feel like I'm a contributing member of the world. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe a job would be good for you and maybe it wouldn't. Working from home would be an excellent option as long as you have the discipline for it.

As for mother's who don't have kids being rude, try not to let it bother you. I have 4 kids - trophy's? Not. People like that just make me roll my eyes! Talk about the intelligence level dropping! I have no respect for someone like that and won't give them the time or the emotional energy it takes to really be miffed. The principal calling, a broken window, someone leaving the house without telling anyone where they're going, wondering where the heck my kid is 20 minutes after curfew, those are things to devote my energy to. Not some complete idiot who doesn't have a clue. These are the kinds of people who you have to pray never have kids because they are just too selfish to be any kind of compassionate.


Cheryl Lewis
Early Childhood
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Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212397
10/03/05 02:05 AM
10/03/05 02:05 AM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
M
mama2manykidlets Offline
Newbie
mama2manykidlets  Offline
Newbie
M

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 16
i feel your pain on this one...i read the post you are reffering to and it was flat out offensive! but even if you try to be nice and compliment them (my big mistake..sigh) you still get crapped on, its a shame you cant even be nice to someone, or a group of people with out them attacking you... im sorry this jerk hurt your feelings..he was out of line and had alot of you-know-whats to say such blatently offensive things.


Dee,Mama to Rose(11) Ivy-Jane(8) Lily (8) Davin (5) Ash (4) Marri (4) Dahlia (2) and Heath (9mo.)...TTC #9!
Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212398
10/03/05 05:11 PM
10/03/05 05:11 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 103
Georgia, U.S.
JeannineEvelyn Offline
Jellyfish
JeannineEvelyn  Offline
Jellyfish

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 103
Georgia, U.S.
This debate has been raging far too long, between women.

In this enlightened age, are we yet scrutinizing womens' personal choices? Each and every woman has the right to chose the lifestyle that best suits her needs. If a woman chooses to dedicate herself to the upbringing of her children, why denigrate her choice? If a woman chooses to pursue a career, as well as raise a family, why not stand behind her, in her decision?

I've known women who have chosen both paths, in life. Not one of the 'stay at home' mothers I've known has ever suffered from a feeling of inferiority. These women have grown into their maturity with an eye toward continuing education, and personal growth. They may stand shoulder to shoulder with their working-Mom counterparts, as equals, in bottom-line, personal development.

Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.~Eleanor Roosevelt~

www.intouchwithjeannine.com


Jeannine Schenewerk
[color:"PURPLE"]In Touch With Jeannine
'Informative, upbeat site for mature Women'
'It's never too late in fiction-or in life to revise.'
---Nancy Thayer
Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212399
10/03/05 10:49 PM
10/03/05 10:49 PM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 355
Michiganer turned Yankee
Fingas Offline
Shark
Fingas  Offline
Shark

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 355
Michiganer turned Yankee
Oh my gosh! where were you when I needed you? I was in a CF (Do you think giving birth is gross?) forum and they attack me like animals I gave my 2 cents but it just got blown out of content. But no I think you moms are awesome and really smart.


Why is it so hard to tell the truth but yet so easy to lie - email
Re: Tired if being treated as inferior! #212400
10/04/05 01:12 AM
10/04/05 01:12 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Flowery Branch, Georgia
musicalmom Offline OP
Gecko
musicalmom  Offline OP
Gecko

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Flowery Branch, Georgia
Sorry I've taken so long to reply! You're dead on about me wanting a career in music. Eventually I want to get back to college and finish my degree and either teach HS choir or do seminary and music ministry - but I feel strongly pulled towards children. I'm in the middle of writing a song (kinda stuck), I've written the script for one children's musical which I've sent off, and I'm working on a couple of articles about depression as a Christian.

Unfortunately those don't pay the immediate bills. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But, anyway, I was also going to say; when I first posted this thread AND when I responded to Dr. Keith I was (am) recovering from a hysterectomy and am taking pain meds.
Even though I already knew I could not half any more children, it was like a real "emptiness" to know that now not only "should" I not have any more kids (or face kidney failure), but there's nothing in my body that's even capable of having kids. I feel sort of diminished in a way. My husband always teases that our cats are technically "its" because they've been spayed, so now I feel like an "it". (Trust me, he's done backflips trying to explain the difference between the two to me) <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

So I was already feeling down, then I took pain meds, and like I said on another thread somewhere; my brain's "governor" was down (that little part that goes "maybe you shouldn't say that...") And I lambasted a perfect stranger (although part of me still thinks he deserved some of it!)

SO anyway, hopefully I'm a little more sane now <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue2.gif" alt="" /> and I'll try not to post anything after I've taken Demerol anymore! <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Michelle Taylor
Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
(go on, ask)
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