BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids OK What's SO WRONG with being SELFISH?

That is all I hear! To not have kids is SELFISH. To not WANT kids is SELFISH! SO what? Most of these people who bring up the SELFISH argument happen to be religious, usually Christian, so I want to know how you can "love your neighbor AS YOURSELF" if you don't love yourself enough to be a little SELFISH? To be SELF-CENTERED is different from being SELFISH. How can I expect to take care of a child that is a part of me if I can't take care of ME? (Or not want to take of ME?)These people claim to be living GOD-CENTERED lives, yet they are flagrantly living CHILD-CENTERED lives. My husband and I call them Child Worshippers. We can go on and on about the altar of Chucky Cheese and Rapture-In-A-Minivan.
I am selfish. I love myself and I love my life and I do not want to share it with anyone but my husband of choice. (I should have married an orphan like my mother advised..but what can I say? I fell in love...)
Anyway...........I think the people who call me selfish are jealous of my freedom to be selfish. I have the freedom to give of myself to whomever I choose to give of myself to.
Another thing that gets on my last nerve is the idea that it is somehow worse for a child to die than it is for an adult. It is a tragedy for both! And maybe I am just an evil wicked person but if I had to choose between saving a child or the child's mother(who had 4 children and a husband at home) I think the greater good would be to save the mother! (I am referring to a recent local drowning incident--NOT abortion, which I would rather not discuss on forums because of its inflammatory nature...)
ok rant over.
I am playing nursemaid to a pregnant stray cat today who I have taken in, and she is miserable! She keeps looking out the window longingly and the kittens are roiling in her poor stretched tummy and she looks so sad! I keep telling her--she ruined her life! LOL (seriously anyone want a kitten sometime around Halloween?)
RavynG

The problem is that most people don't understand the precise definition of "selfish." Here's my definition.

To be selfish is to behave or perform an action in a way that benefits oneself AND negatively affects at least one other person.

You have to have both parts in order to say someone is selfish. Being childfree benefits oneself, but who is harmed by it if there is no child born?

I think of it like seven-ish or purplish....around seven, close to seven o'clock, and sort of purple but not quite....selfish, of the self, thinking of self first(but not exclusively!) I would much rather be thought of as selfish than be a martyr and my child being the cross I must bear. I am not into guilt. I failed the Passive-Aggressive Guilt Trips class at the University of Motherhood.
RavynG

What a good way of looking at it. I never considered it. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have a rant about the child vs adult thing. I often hear "pregnant women should/shouldn't (insert unhealthy habit/behavior/food)" Lets take the mercury in fish for example. Why are pregnant women cautioned to stay away from fish but no one else? They may as well say "only the pregnant women are important and all other people can die of mercury poisoning for all we care." What is wrong with people? Every persons health should be important regardless of male/female or "if she is pregnant or may become pregnant." <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

"Ok what is SO WRONG with being selfish?"

~Absolutely nothing I say!!!!! It is a lot more selfish bringing a child in the world and then neglecting it because you didn't really want it in the first place than to know that you don't want a child therefore not having one (I hope that made sense)~
M :-)

makes perfect sense to me!

Let me look up the link to the site talking about how it's selfish to HAVE children. Give me a minute.

I think this is the one I was thinking of: http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_selfish.html

Here's another, as well: http://www.childfreebychoice.com/a-reasons.htm

Katja, they are great!

Kat, it's because doses of mercury that won't hurt adults CAN hurt the fetus and cause birth defects.