BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Family Picnic for Work

Hi! I'm new. I found this forum when doing a search for childless by choice. It seemed like an active, friendly place, so here I am.

I have run into a lot of instances where not wanting/having/enjoying kids makes for a very awkward situation. I also have trouble relating to my boss (and vice versa) because her life revolves around her children.

Well, we are having a company picnic in a couple weeks, and I was wondering how other people handle the awkwardness of these things. Basically, it is at a local park, everyone brings their family, the kids play and my coworkers talk mostly about the kids. I am the IT Admin at a mostly male real estate company and the wives of the agents and the rest of the staff seems to find this a wonderful time to bond and discuss their families. OK, great for them, but my husband and I don't want or even like kids and we aren't really interested in hearing about anyone else's. I am not going to subject him to this event, but how do I handle it? I am expected to go and want to be friendly, but I don't do well around children. The first year was uncomfortable, so the second year I brought my dog. That made it worse since all the kids wanted to pet him and I was just hoping he wouldn't pee on anyone. Last year was at a bowling alley, so I was able to have a drink. Other than sneak a flask in, what do I do this year so I don't come off as a total freak? My current plan is to try to hang around the other CFs as much as possible and exit as soon as possible, but that is still several painful hours.

Help! <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Oh my God.

I hear ya. I know what it is like to work with people whose lives revolve around their children. It's terrible.

Even though you are expected to go, don't go. It sounds like they don't respect you for being childfree. This means that they don't respect you at all.

Don't get involved with people who don't respect you.

Don't go -- and if you really respect yourself, find another job.

Is this what you wish for yourself?

Run like the wind if you really love that girl you see when you look in the mirror.

Hi Fachowna,

I attended my husband's work picnic last weekend - and yep, there were kids running around everywhere, and many people (mostly women) focusing almost solely on kids and not much on other adults.

Of course, not attending is one option, but it's probably not the best one for your career. You are "expected" to attend, and you probably should, unless you plan to quit pretty soon. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

However, you don't have to spend hours there. You might have something else scheduled that day, for example, so you need to leave early.

While there, be sure to look around for any spouses who seem to be child-free, and introduce yourself to them. If there aren't any, just hang out with your husband or co-workers who are not surrounded by kids. Hold your chin up and be proud to be yourself and to have made the responsible decisions you've made. You don't need to be buddies with anyone who can't understand who you are - too bad for them.

You might even find yourself chuckling over how stressed out and tired the mothers in the crowd look, and on the way home you and your husband will talk about what a relief it is you don't have any. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just my thoughts,
Chris

I just noticed in your post that your husband isn't attending, so you won't have him to hang out with. Are there any coworkers you can socialize with while there?

If not, I would recommend asking your husband to go with you on the condition that you only spend 1 hour - or even less! - there, and explain to him your reasons for asking this of him. I bet he'll understand.

Chris

You wrote that you're expected to go, but it's not mandatory. You can just call in "sick" that day. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You mentioned that the year you went bowling you could just order a drink. Why can't you bring a nice bottle of wine to the picnic or beer? Our company picnics have kids, but also adult foods/beverages. Is this not allowed? Or, another thought since alcohol should not necessarily be the solution (although it does work sometimes believe me!) maybe someone should organize some sort of activity/sport to play? We played softball one year and had water sports i.e. canoeing and kyacking (sp?) one year also. I guess it depends where you are having this picnic and what activities could be available to distract people from talking about kids and just participating in activities.

I went to one of those just recently. One of those Enforced Funtype deals I loathe.

It was pretty big (hubby's is a huge company). There were pony rides (no horsie for me!). Face painting (not for me!). There was a rock wall to climb (kids only!). And so on.

The only thing for adults to do was eat fly-covered barbecue and have a few plastic glasses of plonky wine or beer.

I did what I always do. Smile, talk to a few folks, and get out of there, and go somewhere else for a real good time.

You can Google on No Kidding -- it's a social group for singles and couples without kids. I am sure there are chapters, or other groups like it where you are.

I like this idea! I'm married WITH kids, but I have horrible panic attacks in large groups and a company picnic sounds like my worst kind of nightmare!

I am all for you and your hubby dressing up a little and when everyone asks why y'all are looking so decked out, explain you have a wedding you have to get to, and you'll be leaving a little early to go straight there. No one will ever question a wedding, and you can make it the most obscure relative you have ever heard of, and still people will understand why you had to go!
<img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi Fachowna,
I have had the same experience. My work has a picnic every year. It turned out ok because I volunteered to help with it and so when the picnic came I was setting it up and helping prepare food. It helped to have things to do instead of just sitting around with all of the kid talk. Also, I sought out the cf people there to talk to. I was happy when the ordeal was over, but felt obligated to go to build relationships with co-workers.

Wow! So many great ideas here!

OK, I guess I need to clarify a few things:

The reason I have to go is that they let us out 2 1/2 hours early for the picnic on a Thursday afternoon. If we don't go, we are supposed to stay at work. But, that is a career limiting move! On one hand it is nice that I don't lose much personal free time, but on the other it is harder to come up with a legit excuse.

It is at a public park and the city does not allow alcohol. I know some people sneak stuff in, but I'm not sure how I feel about potentially getting caught by the city or coworkers. And there is definitely no fun activites like boating there! Maybe there will be some people playing softball, but me running is not pretty. (I can dance, but I am not athletic in any way, shape, or form!)

Food is going to be catered barbeque, so no helping with grilling.

Luckily, there are some nice coworkers that understand how I feel about kids. Maybe they don't agree, but they aren't mean about it. A few of the CF agents don't bother coming to family events like this, but I am an employee so I don't have that option. (I have tried to convince a couple to come and hang out with me, but haven't had much success.)

At this point I think I will try to go with the "I have somewhere to be" line and bolt out of there at 5:30 on the dot! I just have to figure out what that could be...

Thanks for all the suggestions!