BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids CF in the workplace

Hi Aberra,
I can emapathize about being CF in a workplace that has many women/grandmothers who talk much about children. I've always felt like I'm somehow suspect because I'm 35, unmarried, and do not want children. I was talking to someone the other day about how alienating this feeling is in my area. (I'm from Minnesota, too). If I come right out and say I don't want children, people look at me like I have an eel wrapped around my head. Well, at least they did when I was younger, and I got the smug "Oh, YOU'LL change your MIND", etc. Now that I'm 35 they just don't know what to do with me.
I've also noticed that single child free MEN are not treated the same way as single CF women. Men are invited places, people are comfortable around them, they're good buddies, they can joke around and be good with kids for short periods of time. But women without kids...boy, that's another story. I've always had a sense of humor and like to talk with kids and make them laugh. But for some reason, this isn't as acceptable from women. I wish I knew why. I remember an old etiquette for girls book circa 1912 that my grandmother had...I remember the line "The girl a fellow jokes with is not the girl he wishes to marry", along with a corny cautionary tale about a good-natured young woman who foolishly jokes with the men in the office where she is a secretary. Shameful!
Welp, gotta go...I'm new to boards and I'm not quite sure how this one works, but I'll try to figure it out.
Hello to all the other CF's out there.
suz

Thanks Suz,
It is nice knowing that I'm not alone. I have heard the "Oh, YOU'LL change your MIND" too...it makes me think that the people who say this to me felt the same way I do before they had kids, but were somehow coerced into having kids, and so think that I will fall prey to their lifestyle as well, in a weak moment or something.

I have also noticed that men, in general, are less inclined than women to bring up kids as a topic of conversation and so I think that childfree men do not feel as alienated as childfree women. When women have children, I think they tend to not have as many outside interests, whereas men still stay interested in other things, so it is easier for cf men to still fit in. Also, men don't seem to be so judgemental about the subject. I know these are generalizations, but I have found them to be true at my workplace.

I just read about a new law in Australia. Parents will get 2 years of paid child leave and a guarantee of a job when they return. CF get nothing: two family days and anything additional comes out of sick time.

How's that for fair?

I resent that I won't get maternity leave, even though I don't plan to have kids. I think CFers should be able to take a 'sanity leave', of the same period of time.

as far as smokers, I don't smoke and never have, but you bet i take smoking breaks. I just go outside when the smokers do.

That is pure discrimination.

I'm going back to the superwoman discussion: I have a friend who had a baby and then tried to start a company 6 months later (her husband's idea- don't even get me started on THAT one...) and what it turned into was 2.5 years of misery. Taking her kid to work with her every day and having to ignore him while she tried to make the business work. The kid started doing weird repetitive motion things because he was so BORED and I was really worried that he was getting major screwed up. He started hitting her with anything he could find just to get her attention- even if it was to be punished. Thankfully (for the kid's sake) the business failed and she started having time to spend with him. Nothing like bankruptcy to bring your life back into perspective. He can be pretty out of control at times now- definitely a "pay attention to ME" kind of kid, and I chalk it up to the lack of attention at such a formative time in his life.

I never understood how someone could have ever thought that was a good idea.

THAT'S one of the reasons I'm not having kids....

PAID leave?? I could see unpaid leave, but that's just stupid. We get 6 weeks here and many then choose to take family leave (unpaid) for a few more, and I think that's all they should get.

I think it's admirable for a mother to stay home to raise her child and I definitely think it's better for the child, but you shouldn't be able to skip out work to do it, get paid, and then be able to waltz back into your job.

Wow I agree, paid leave for so long is insane. I used to work with folks from Canada as a consultant, and I believe they get about a year of paid leave, but I can't remember exactly. I just remember folks going on mat leave forever and then I found out it was paid.

In any event, another issue I noticed is that it seems as if the women are always the ones who have to worry about "doing it all", where are the men in such situations and why are they not sharing the burden? It seems to me that in this day and age it should be a partnership, yet I see it time and time again with friends and coworkers that the woman gets stuck when the kid gets sick or in trouble at school, etc. Just a thought.

CF woman in Boston

The U.S. tax payers pay these leaves!!!

These people go on leave...paid by you and me! Our hard-earnt money!!! <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I don't mind it they get a leave - I just want one too. the same equivalent. But I will use it to take care of ME, not a baby.