BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids CF in the workplace

Do you ever resent coworkers who have kids because you end up picking up their slack as they run to childcare, drs. appts, soccer practice, stay home with sick kids, etc?

I work in a hectic, deadline-driven environment and it irritates me to no end when people skip out the door early with one of the above excuses and I'm left holding the bag. It's some kind of reverse discrimination.

In fact, I do think my employer values me MORE because I am always taking one for the team for above reasons. My flexibility and hard work are more valued than the contributions of others that constantly put their children first. But it doesn't mean I don't resent it on a late night when everyone else is home at the dinner table and I'm still at the office covering their butts.

I am all for women having it all if they want it - career, family, etc. But not at my expense.

Thoughts? Am I just bitter?

Though I'm a parent I agree with you. Caring for ones child is not a reason to regularly skip out on others at work.

Most things can and should be schedualed around working hours like soccer practice and check-ups. Pick up from child care is common sense the parents should arrange pick up after they are schedualed to be off of work.

Then again I also feel the same way about people who take 4-6 extra breaks a day while the non-smokers cover the slack.

I think it is a myth that women can have it all. I think that it is rare to find a woman who feels satisfied with their involvement in their children's lives, keep their relationship with their husband healthy and manage a career. I think that the women's movement gave women more choices on different paths that they could take, but it is a myth that they can have it all. I think that women either compromise their family or their career unless they have someone as kind as you picking up the slack.

There is a limit to what the human body is capable of handling, physically and mentally. And there are only 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can only do so much, and that's why it's important to be able to choose what is most important to you, not try to have it all.

Good thread and I agree with Happy CF Guy. You can't have it all - you need to make choices.

Pets4me: no, you don't sound bitter to me. Listen to parents, that means: to some of them. I am talking about the bitter ones.

It is not some kind of reverse discrimination, it IS reverse discrimination.

Don't even get me started on smokers.

At a few of my jobs I have worked with many smokers. It was a rare occasion that I ever took a break but you can bet you life on the fact that the smokers took all their breaks and then some. They would say "I am going to take 4 five minute breaks instead of 2 tens." That way they wouldn't have to go too long without their nicotine fix but the breaks never lasted 5 minutes. <img src="/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> And in my type of work (at the time), taking care of disabled adults, it meant when one person took a break someone else had to take care of their 3-4 clients. I really grew to resent the smokers and having to take care of their people.

Aaarggghhh...smokers...

I don't hire personnel and I never will.

I would never hire smokers and parents. For the sake of my company.

But like I said, I don't hire personnel. Nevertheless, I know where you're coming from.

Samten - the smokers issue is a good parallel - we have those in our office too and it drives me crazy! Thanks for weighing in.

And I also agree the "superwoman" is a myth. My sister has a three year old and is a high school biology teacher. She recently quit teaching altogether because she felt she couldn't be a good teacher AND a good mother/wife, so she chose the latter. I am proud of her for making a choice instead of trying to achieve the impossible, but I also can't help but think that her intelligence, talent, and expensive higher education (two masters degrees) are going to waste as she sits at home and watches the Wiggles with my nephew instead.

Again - it's her choice - but I could never, ever see myself making the same one.

Does anyone here work for a mommy? I find that my manager will spend much more time socializing with my 2 co-workers who have children than myself and another co-worker who do not. I will ask her questions about her kids but I guess she probably feels more comfortable talking to people who can relate more with their own kid's stories. I have tried to bring up other subjects but she does not make an effort to talk about other subjects besides her kids. I find it very frustrating because I am having a harder time building relationships at work. It seems that as I get older my status as being childfree is more apparent than 5 years ago, when people assumed I would have kids, and I feel isolated. I am not sure if it is because of the specific people I am working with currently, or if others have experienced this.

NYC,

I feel the same as you girl. You and I would probably be sued for discrimination.

Although it is not parents I wouldn't hire it is woman. Unless I some how had confirmation that her kids were teens and could take care of themselves. I am a woman and it sucks that I could say this but I can see from an employers perspective. Lets face it most woman are going to have children if they don't already have them. You have to deal with maternity leave and sick kids. The simple fact is that if there is no babysitter or the kid gets sick it is not dad that is staying home to care for the kid, if the dad is even in the picture.

I had a teacher who was teaching part-time at the University I went to. She was on maternity leave from her position at another University but was put on extended leave due to budget problems. She taught part-time during that extended leave. When she was called to come back to work she found out she was pregnant again. She returned to work for a few months before going back on maternity leave. I can see now why woman have a hard time moving up and earning respect in the work place. And like I said if I was an employer I would take care not to hire women. I am disturbed however, knowing that perspective employers are going to think the same about me even though I am not going to have children.