BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids A Mom's truth on Postsecret.com

I'm addicted to the site postsecret.com, where people submit creative postcards revealing secrets about themselves. I noticed today that in the newest batch of cards, there is an interesting one from a mother regarding her decisions. Check it out, it's about 18 or so down from the top.

I saw it. What's the point?

The point is that it's refreshing to see someone admit that having children is not so cut and dry. In my experience, people love to tell me how wonderful it is to have kids, how I'm missing out, how they have never doubted their decision. I suspect that a lot of people would go back and change it if they could, and the woman who sent the postcard is just one example. It's not some earth-shattering revelation.. just an interesting bit of information relating to the topic of this forum.

What a great web site. All of those cards are beautiful in their own way- even the ones that are very sad. There's something about truth that is beautiful. I forwarded that page to everyone I know. Thanks for sharing.

It is cool to see the deep secrets that people hold and good that there is an outlet for that even if it is just a postcard.

While not many people are willing to admit that having children was not for them I have yet to see many people who seem happy with children. All of my friends changed after having babies. And not in a good way. They always seem run down and don't laugh and smile a fraction as much as they used to. I have yet to see anyone who makes parenting look any fun.

NYC, I don't want to offend you but thinking back about you other posts you seem to be angry/bitter about something. What is going on?

Kat1980,

No, you are not offending me. Don't worry.

CF people are normal people like everyone else. Why would we draw the attention of parents who regret their decision? Is it to prove that it is not self-evident to have kids? Is it to prove that it is smart to fully consciously decide whether or not you want them?

I like this board - everyone is very nice. But being cf is not a better option and having kids ain't a better option either.

Like I said before, some of us want kids and some don't. Some of us want pets and some don't. Be proud of being cf like parents are proud of their kids rather than trying to distinguish yourself from parents. We are PEOPLE. If cf people keep on distinguishing themselves from parents by drawing the attention to parents who regret their decision and so one, we'll never come to the point where parents respect us cf people back. Be proud of who you are. I am incredibly proud of who I am. I am proud of my childfreedom, I am proud of the company I run, I am proud of the fact that I beat cancer, I am proud of my pets. I am who I am. I am cf. So what? Does that make me (less) better than parents? I will never try to distinguish myself from people with kids. We're human beings. There are parents around who regret their decision. There are people around who wish they had chosen another job. There are people around who regret moving to another country. And so on, and so on. But in the end, they're all people. What is the difference?

We all make choices. We make choices we're proud of, and we make choices we subsequently regret. Such is life. We never talk about such choices. But when it comes to kids...

NYC, I like your philosophical viewpoint. There ARE a lot of labels flying around in our society, but being an "Individual" isn't really one of them. I'm going to think about that some more....it's a good one.

: )

This is a forum based on the choice to have kids or be CF. That's precisely why we're discussing it, and it doesn't mean we're not proud of ourselves, nor is 'calling out' regretful parents the only angle. I've been coming here for a long time (just updated my info today), and the best part about it is the open exchange of ideas. Apparently, that doesn't suit you, as you seem to feel we are not valid if we venture into territory you deem as pointless. I don't care. Just as with everyone else, it's your opinion (although it seems I'm not the only one who finds a hard edge to your posts at times, but that is between you and you).

I love that website!!! I'm even tempted to send in a card. It was very cathartic reading them.

Thank you Anne. When it comes to cf people, I sometimes seriously wonder: how tolerant are you of yourself?