BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do I NEED to be married if I'm CF?

Elise, that sounds gorgeous! The best advice I've ever heard is that at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is you, your groom, and your official. Everything and everybody else is just fluff.

I also walked down the aisle alone - my parents were in the process of an ugly divorce (my dad had abruptly moved out of state and made no effort to contact me at all until the day of my wedding), and I was nearly 30. The minister was really excellent about it -- said it was a symbol of my independence, etc. The only person who had a problem with it (besides my dad's grumpy old aunt "you'll regret it" - nope, never have!) was DH's DAD (who thought my dad was just being an arse).

My engagement ring was a 1ct amethyst. I had been engaged before with a small diamond ring, and since DH was in college, and the diamond he could afford would have been too similar the one with bad memories. For the same money, we got a honkin' big purple stone and I loved the reaction when I said it was my engagement ring. I was going to just keep it as my wedding ring, but then I saw a set of matching rings that I "had" to have for us. Yes, it was sappy, but I still love them.

All told, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'd change the church - we had a Methodist ceremony. In hindsight, I really wish we had married in the Unitarian Universalist church -- it's where I've found myself most comfortable and it fits much better with our beliefs. But the big floofy dress, big party, etc., wouldn't trade for the world.

We split our marriage/wedding in two. We had the court marriage in July to sign the register and had our parents, my hubby's sister and her partner and my two best friends with us.

Then we planned the celebratory wedding for November to share with the rest of our friends and family, where we had a beautiful mostly-neutral-but-slightly-pagan outdoor commitment ceremony beneath the trees at twilight, with flaming torches and candles. It was so special and wonderful. As something different I suggested that we "swap" parents while walking down the "aisle" (My parents were also beginning a four-year separation process leading to divorce (finally!) this year, and there was no way I would accept being "given away" as if I were a possession belonging to my parents!) So my two best ladies walked in with the best man, then my hubby walked in with my parents, and then I walked in with my hubby's parents.

I consider our marriage to have started from when we proposed to each other rather than the signing of the paper, and I think you can have a celebration ("wedding") of your love for each other without getting married if that's what you want to do. So have a party, why not? Our two wedding days were very very special though - extra steps along our journey together that we remember with wonderful memories. We have two good excuses to pamper each other, not only on Valentine's day, birthdays, and new years, but also on two anniversaries. We're going away this weekend for our November anni. We get so busy that it's a great time to reconnect and remember why we fell in love and to realise that we're even more in love now.

(I'm so biased though - I just loooovvee weddings, love going to them, watching them, planning them <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I tease my hubby every time we see a wedding dress shop because I say, Ooh can we get married again!)

Anne, the only problems that might surface as a result of not being married are legal and benefitial ones. Beyond the legal issues of not being able to visit without inlaw permission, insurance benefits may not be yours to have...this is a problem that I and my partner ran into and eventually resulted in our marriage.