BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Cruelty? Not at all!

Hello folk!

Reading your forum was really very nice to me, and because it touched me in some very personal way, I�d like to share my opinion, or better say express my sympathy with you too. I am 27 years old woman and so far I never wanted to have a kids. After several fights with my partner over this subject I decided to look for some other �free-kid-life souls�, and I am so happy, I�ve found some pages on the Internet (include this forum), because until then I haven�t met anybody with similar opinion. It feels really good, that You are not alone, that they are similar people out there.

I really share most of your opinions and reasons for not having kids, so I won�t repeat, what was already written in a very precious way. What I�d like to mention here is the foolishness of judging us for to don�t wanting a baby. Many times I�ve mentioned my opinion about my �anti-motherhood� I�ve met with strong disagreement not only from the site of my partner but also my friends and parents. I was actually labeled as cruel, not normal, too young etc. I�d be very happy if someone of these people would read my words, because I want to let them know, that there is nothing bad or even cruel about not wanting having a kids. Actually the opposite is true!!! I still hear my mother complaining about her being tired of us (me and my sister), where to send us for holiday, not having enough money to rise us, being us too noisy or messy, all the time looking forward to grow up and leave us the home quickly. Yes, this is cruel. Cruel is to have kids and then don�t provide them with loving and caring environment and support from parents, NOT to decide to live a kids free life and be comfortable with it.

I was traveling and working in many different countries for most of my life, tried many adventurous things and have seen a lot. I also enjoy many hobbies include my lovely dog, and like many of You I like my money and want to spend them in a very different way than is a �family business�.

For some it may sounds unacceptable or even absurd, but I really feel that at the age, when others are building families, my life is going to expand and unfold in a very different and interesting way.

I'm sure your life will be very exciting, and others around you with kids may start to understand or even envy the choice you made. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This reminds me of that argument that moms have over who's the better mother- one that stays at home to raise her children, or one who works outside of the home and therefore releases some of the stress. The answer is BOTH!
Some people's lifestyles are not conducive to having children. Some couples don't feel complete w/out them. Some people MUST get married, while others are perfectly happy remaining single their entire lives. People are individuals, and as such, should be able to make whatever choices are best for them! Remind people of THAT whenever they start getting on your case.

Hello peeps,

I am sorry about creating new discussion about subject, which was already mentioned here many times. To be honest, I am not very good with computers, so as long as I thought I was doing the right thing (replying to a topic), I see, I obviously wasn�t, but anyway. . .

After I�ve read ALL your posts, I�d like to express my deep gratefulness, that You �vaste� Your time and write here about Your feelings. Until I�ve found this forum, I really thought, that I am the �only one�, that there must be really something wrong with me for having this �CF feeling� or rather say not having the feeling I �should� have at all since ever (an quite possibly forever). I am really very surprised how many similar people are out there, and this knowing gives me tremendous power to continue my kind of freaky life. I am happy to meet here also some men with similar opinions, and those who solve relationship�s problem over different CF decisions.

THANKS YOU ALL and also to the administrator for creating this forum!!!

That�s all I wanted to say. . .

Sincerely Yours

AntiMother

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I have known since I was a child that kids weren't for me. I don't feel I will ever miss out on anything... only that I will have other experiences which full time parents ultimately miss out on.

It can get frustrating with all the "pressure" out there to have children. I have been called selfish for not wanting children . I have been told it is my obligation as an educated female to reproduce. I was pretty upset about those comments. I replied with "How vain are you to need something that looks like you, talks like you, and does all the things you didn't get to do." - well, that shut her up. (Not that I feel that way - but please.. her comments to me were as absurd)

I am 32 and VERY single. I have no clock telling me what to do or when to do it. That clock can betray women who will forgo a healthy relationship to be sure to tap into a man's sperm bank before it's to late for them.

Although it's liberating, it can be a bit lonely. A girls night out with friends/acquaintances turns into a man hunt, especially in my age group. My single friends have literally lost their minds as the Estrogen decreases.

Anyway.. just my two cents. Glad to know there are others out there who feel the same....

And I've gotten [censored] from my family about how having children involves creating life, which is something everybody eventually has the desire to do. Oh, please! Do you really think I want to create life in a society already screwed up with many problems (like awful kids and the parents who raise them)?

I'm lucky on that account. My parents have totally accepted my decision, and my mother even empathizes, since she suffered years of depression after I was born. I have a fabulous relationship with both of them now and can tell them pretty much anything and not feel judged.

Heather9101 you are so blessed to have that kind of relationship with your mom. My mom had 5 kids and doesn't understand why I don't want a dozen. She keeps making comments like "It would be such a shame for you and Scott not to have children." Oh the guilt! (sarcastic)I must be honest- even though my husband and I made this decision long ago I have not discussed it with my parents. I guess I almost feel that it is none of their business. Does that sound mean? I guess at heart I am a wimp or a coward or both- but I just don't want to hear what I know they are going to say. Any suggestions for breaking the news firmly and respectfully?

I don't get what is all the hubb-bub about "creating a new life." We as humans can not create anything we can only make things. We take what God has already created and put them together to make things. We can not create life, life is already there. The oocyte (egg) and spermatazoa are already LIVING cells we simply just put the two together. From there they divide and differentiate, a process in which was created by God.

Good point. Its like making anything else- unfortunately most people don't see it this way. My doctor actually told me when I went in to get an IUD that some people have a moral objection as though an IUD in some way kills a baby. It does prevent implantation and/or the joining of the two together- but killing??? C'mon- Gimmee a break! <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" /> I just said to my doctor- "Well I'm not one of those people and yes I want the IUD please." <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />