BellaOnline Forums Travel and Culture Polish Culture A LITTLE BIT OF HUMOR

Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........... ...Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan................Searching for the cat.

Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her.
Colic...............A sheep dog.
Coma...............A punctuation mark.
D&C...............Where Washington is.
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do.

Enema.............Not a friend.
Fester............Quicker than someone else.
Fibula............A small lie.
G.I. Series..... ....World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.
Impotent...........Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node....................I knew it
Outpatient..............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
[ Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Secretion.......Hiding something
Tablet..........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine...............Opposite of you're out.
Varicose............Near by
Hospital............The biggest building in town,
other than
Joe's feed warehouse or
Franks lumber mill

Come on Franek, where have you been all your life?! I almost fell out of my pram laughing at that. Funnily, I belong to a UK forum, UKHRD, a forum for trainers, and this very piece was on it the day before yesterday!
It is still very good and I can still laugh at many of the sayings.
Being a computer buff, have you seen this one:
"THE SPELLING CHEQUER
(or poet tree without mist aches)
I have a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marks four my revue
Miss steaks eye cannot sea
Each thyme when eye have struck the quays
I weight for it two say
If watt eye rote is wrong or rite
It shows me strait a weigh
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two late
And eye can put the error rite
No I shall find it grate
I''ve run this poem threw it
I'm shore your policed to no
It's letter perfect in its weigh
My chequer tolled me sew"
or
"When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination"
or even
"Without geometry, life is pointless.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

If electricity comes from electrons -- does morality come from morons?

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter"

Laugh on

Leslie

You guys are too funny! Jaga posted this the other day under "Medical Humor" - and it was George (taura) that sent it to her ....

BTW Leslie, my pea see does not want me to spell "color" as "colour" etc. Can you imagine if our Polish friends sent us this kind of spelling for Polish words??? <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

HEY LESLIE
I loved it..This Forum can use a humor..I have more but they might be too risky. If you have anymore,save them.. Jaga will be gone for a week so we can keep the Forum alive until she returns.. I am sure that Nancy will be a big help

NANCY, OH OH
You are right.. Now I know where it came from.. Must be Altzhiemers kicking in..

some of these seemed to be new:

Why?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick & the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days
no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it
normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I
have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance
to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think
I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever
comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the
bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme [censored],
why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.........

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

KAI,
That was fantastic! I will pass these on.. We need this
kind of humor in here

Czesc (or even Hi Kai)
I agre with Franek - the humourous passage was indeed so. And we do need some humour in the forum from time to time. I shall try my best but some of you guys seem to have so much of this type of material for immediate use. Keep it up.
Pozdrawiam
Leslie
Have you come across this one? A Romanian woman friend of mine sent this to me - I added the last one. Sorry about some of the language!
Men are like....

1. Men are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the [censored] out of you.
2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them..
4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ....... Popcorn . ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ... Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ........ Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

14. If this is true, then men are �� Just Like Women

<img src="/images/graemlins/angel.gif" alt="" />

GUYS,
It is like a breath of fresh air in here.. It is about time we let our hair down. Everything that I read on here is funny..Keep it up..

You might be a Redneck if:


1. It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."


2. You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.


3. You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."


4. You remove your hat and bow your head when anyone prays.


5. You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play our National Anthem.


6. You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.


7. You've never burned an American flag, but would kick someone's A_ _ that did.


8. You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.


9. You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.


10. You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
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