BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Intros

Hi my name is Sarah and I am 30. I have been married for 8 years, but we have been together for 12. We have never wanted kids. Of course everyone would tell us...the older you get the more you will want them, you will change you mind, etc. However what we have noticed, is that the older we have gotten the more we DONT want them!! We love living our peaceful, calm, organized and "routine" life together. We love our neices and nephews and have so much fun being the cool auntie and uncle but that is as far as it goes. I am completely 100% comfortable with my descision, as is my family, but friends/co-workers/strangers seem to be so uncomfortable with my decision! Over the years the big "question" has become such a dreaded event, only because it gets so irritating to feel as though I have to justify my life to someone. I usually just tell the story of my aunt who also chose to remain childless...she is the ONLY one in my family who is still married to her first husband. I know just because she did not have kids is the only reason she is not divorced, but I have to wonder if it doesn't play a huge part in it.
Anyways, I never thought of getting online to see if there were other women who are making the same choice as me so I am very delighted to see I am not alone here. In a world where having children is considered the norm, I often feel alienated.

Hello my name is Johnna. I am 33 years old and my fiance is 29. I never have wanted children in the past and it has been the cause of failure for almost all my relationships even though Im up front and honest about that from the very beginning. However, after I met the man I'm with now I started to consider it. Now after seriously considering it for the last two years, I find that I really haven't changed my mind. I'm having a very hard time of it though, because now we are in love and he wants kids more than anything. I should have ran while I had the chance!! Anyway, he won't adopt or anything else so now I'm faced with loosing him. I think it's a matter of time. It's good to hear that there are other women out there with men who also share the same views. Where do you find these men? LOL. Ah, who needs em anyway!!

Hello eveyone. I'm Melissa. Have been reading and checking in on this board although I haven't posted a lot. I am 32, and my husband is 35. We have been married for 7 years and together for 10 years this month. We struggled with the child decision for over two years before finally reaching a firm decision to remain child free. It is interesting because we both work in education, but, while we may enjoy working with kids in our professional lives, we eventually realized that having kids is not for us as a couple or as individuals. I have been so at peace since making this decision. I haven't even said anything to my parents yet, although I think they know and they don't pry- so I appreciate that. My husband has even lately reached the realization that since we are not having children he doesn't want to remain in teaching. His words, "I am not going to spend my life raising other people's kids for them, when I have chosen not to have kids for myself." Granted- not all teachers "raise kids FOR parents" but teachers often do take on much of the child rearing burden that is too often not addressed in the home. Nice to meet everyone!!!

Hi everyone. I've been married for 2-1/2 years. I am 41. Husband is 36. Since I was 12, I never wanted to get married. I dated/lived with guys who didn't believe in marriage much less be a father. It solved the question of children for a long time. But then I met a man who believed in marriage and love. Now I am married, but still do not want kids. I thank my lucky star that my husband does not care either way - one reason why I agreed to marry him!

I'm 25 and DH is 30. We've been married just about a year and a half. We had talked off and on about having kids until I realized that that's not what I wanted. One day I went to DH and told him this, petrified that it would be the end of our relationship, and surprisingly, he told me that he was also very happy without kids. We both look ahead happily (instead of the dread I was feeling before) at our child free future. I'm trying to get out the word to friends that they have the choice. So many people don't realize that this is an option. For the first time people are actually going against the grain and starting a whole new way of life. I am sick of hearing parents go on and on and on about how great their kids are. That's what I love so much about the CF boards. Anyhow, DH and I love to travel, including being away from home for two weeks at a time sometimes, so kids just wouldn't fit into our lives.

hi !i'm 34 and i've been married for over 7 years to a wonderful man from germany who is 35. i'm from western new york area and i love being cf! i just started a cf group in my area and have some members but still looking to expand. so if you know anyone who is cf from wny let me know! i also am "coming out" to more of my friends about being cf. one of my frineds who is single actually decided to join my group when i officially told her i was cf. it was really hard telling one of my friends who has a child and is expecting another.i actually had to tell her twice b/c i thought i was quite clear last month when we were talking about it but she asked me again if my husband and i were planning on adopting and i told her no that we werent' planning on having children. she told me i should get a dog then. i love dogs but my husband doesnm't want one. that's okay b/c my parents have one and i love to visit him and spoil him rotten and then leave! anyway, i love this board too and although i have some cf friends i still love being able to really say what i think and feel no hold barred!
indigo

Hello i am 35 years old and married seven almost eight years.
I wanted children in the begining. After a couple years of watching my freinds and sisiters parent their kids(I do not say this as a put down to them so please don't ake it that way)I could not find enough positives to recommend parenthood to me.
When my sister oldest sisiter who has five kids insinuated that i should have one because it would help shift and shape my "weak character" into something more interesting and i could finally have true value as a person, it really drove the nail into the coffin of my decision to say "no."
I remembered thinking,"If this is the sum of your advice on this matter after having FIVE of your own, I'll remain uninteresting, weak and HAPPY!" Two years later I had my tubes tied. Remorse? Regret? Not here.

it's great to have found this place to share. i appreciate all the honesty and candor. HUGS

Hi.

I'm new to the forum. I'm 33, married for 7 years and have never wanted kids. The older I get, the more certain I am about this decision. I've recently stopped saying "maybe in a few years" or "maybe at some point" or other vague answers when people (usually inappropriately) ask *the question*. It still feels strange to say it out loud, but I am proud of my choice and no longer want to bend to pressure to be "socially correct".

Like Lisa W. I thought I'd check out the community to see what the hot topics are.

What an apalling thing to say! Especially from your own sister... Congrats on sticking to your guns!<img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />