BellaOnline Forums Family Single Parents Toughest Aspect of Single Parenting

As far as you are concerned, what is the toughest aspect of single parenting?

I have to say that at differnt stages of my children's lives, the answer to that question has been vastly different. At this moment in time, with my daughters at the ages of 19 and 15, the toughest part of being a single parent is letting go enough so that they can grow up and learn how to live without my constant influence. Letting go of your children is so hard. You continue to want to protect and guide them; however, there is a point where you have to trust that you have taught them well and they have the sense to use those lessons for their benefit. Of course, as parents, we will always be there to pick up the pieces. Unfortunately, we actually have to let them fall down in order to be able to do that...

What is the hardest aspect of being a single parent in your life???

The hardest part of being a single parent for me was being enough of an influence ! With working full time and my daughter's busy life, it was hard to keep track of everything that was going on with her. She is grown up now and turned out well but I know there are things that I missed completely.

I think we all do. How could we ever remember to tell them everything? I know there are times when they have walked out the door and I tell myself, "I meant to say..." I catch them later and tell them. Sometimes they tell me that they wish they had known that or that is exactly what they did. Sometimes they look at me like I have lost my mind ("Let it go, mom; it's over with.") We can only do our best. If we keep the communication lines OPEN then at least they know we are there when they need us!

being a good influence and trying to get more patience!

I have two boys 11, and (almost) 16. I'm having a pretty tough time with my oldest, who thinks he's grown, and he thinks i'm as dumb as a box of rocks, and i'm completely out of touch with "today" ('rolling-my-eyes') others tell me all the time..."He's so respectful, and such a nice kid!" i'm thinking "are they talking about MY kid??" sometimes, i think he was abducted by aliens, because this can not be the child i suffered for 30 hours of hard labor to give life to. LOL!! i'm also told that the older he gets, the smarter i'll get...so there's hope! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
his dad and i just seperated in february (after nearly 18 years of marriage), his dad was completely unavailable emotionaly, financially, and he is an alcoholic (although not physically abusive, thank God). so my oldest is rebelous, and there's damage that we have to work on. he's been to counseling and all that. its tough, but we're making it.

i'm re-married now, but I used to be a single parent of a 2 and 8 year old (the 8 year old had Apsperger's syndrome-autistic). I found in my situation the hardest thing was giving vent to my own frustrations, sadness (the divorce tore me apart), and anger. Because my son needed me, I had to bury all my feelings, put on the brave face and be strong. He did not have the capability to face the world on his own at that time, and he was my resposibility, so I had to come 2nd, which is fine - I'm his mother. But that was definitely the hardest part.

Melissa -

That teenage boy that rolls his eyes and thinks you are a "box of rocks" is "so respectful" to other because of what YOU have taught him. So pat yourself on the back, hon. You are doing a great job.

He wouldn't be a teenage boy if he didn't act like his mom was dumb, but the truth is, he does respect you or he wouldn't act upon the ideals that you have instilled in him when he is with other people.

Hang in there! It is hard to deal with the damage that the ex has inflicted - on you and on the kids. I am glad that you are getting counseling for him, but don't forget your younger one AND you might consider all of you together. Your sons know that you have hurt and still hurt, even when you are really good at hiding it. They deal with that, too.

I hope to see you more in the Forums and if you ever want to vent, feel free to email me at [email]SingleParents@bellaonline.com.[/email]

Michelle -

I so agree! I believe that all mothers have those moments when they just wish that there was someone there to listen to them for a change. I know that I have mine where the thought crosses my mind, "Can't someone just take care of me for once?" It's just part of being human. And then we kick right back into mother mode and off we go, SuperMom off to save the world!

I have found that, to a certain extent, it is actually very healthy to express your emotions in front of your child. They need to know that it is okay for grown-ups to be sad, hurt, angry, etc., as long as we don't take it to excess or expect them to help solve our issues. They need to know that parents are human, too. And they need to see us take care of ourselves in healthy ways so that they can learn healthy life patterns, too.

I hope that you have found happiness in your new marriage! Congratulations! And give those two children of yours huge hugs every day! You are all very special!

The toughest aspect for me so far being a single parent is getting any ME time. Jocelyn's "sperm donor" has visitations with her while I'm working so even when she's with him, I'm still doing for others, not myself. I wouldn't want him to have her for any longer than that right now either. Also, being the only one who wakes up with her in the middle of the night or the only one around who can go to her when she wants held, ect. But, I suppose that kind of goes hand in hand with the "ME" time. But, I love it at the same time because I take pride in knowing that I am the only one whom she looks for, and relies on to be there. I'm the only one she smiles for as soon as she sees me walk through the door. In the end, even if her father gets more time, ect. I still will be the only one she can truely rely on.

Aimee -

You are right! You are a strong source of love, protection, and stability for your daughter and you should be proud of that! It is a very important role!

But you do need "me" time, too. We all do. It does not make us less as parents because we admit to it. How about other family members? Grandparents? Siblings? Really good friends with children? Is there anyone that can give you an hour or two of your own time, even if it is just to go to the grocery store or the library alone. Also, check your local churches for Mom's Morning Out. Most of these churches do not require that you be a member to use this service, though you will probably want to get to know the church a little better before you entrust your child to them.

Keep going strong, Aimee! Your daughter will always appreciate what you do for her and you can be proud that you are a strong parent!