When you fall in love with someone who has children, you need alot of patience AND very thick skin. Your scenario has the possiblity to cause YOU alot of happiness OR alot of mental and emotional stress.
It also has the probability to fail, as he has already been divorced. Statistically, divorced people who re-marry have a higher rate of divorce. You are starting out with a man with two divorces, which even greatly increases THOSE statistics.
How old are you? If you are young, is that what YOU truly want ("I don't want to have children") or are you JUST trying to please him, by saying that, because HE does not want anymore children?
Are his children young or old? If they are younger, how much time does he spend with them? Does he have regular visitation? Does he pay child support? If they are older, are any of them married? Who makes decisions about the wedding? Who pays? Who walks down the aisle? These are just a FEW of the questions that are going to come up.
People don't always choose who to fall in love with, but my advice would be to take it SLOW and EASY. If your love is true, then time is on your side! Time will allow you to see the interaction of your boyfriend with his children and with both mothers. THEY are "ex"es that you and he will ALWAYS have to deal with (at birthday parties, holidays, showers, weddings, etc).
Time will allow you to decide if there are more problems than benefits. Time will help you see how YOU will play a part in the new family, through all the various events mentioned above.
If your parents have a problem with your boyfriend already having children, then assure them that you WILL go slowly with the relationship (AND MEAN IT!). They might relax some and start to get to know him and eventually accept the situation. Your parents probably would like to have grandchildren that YOU produce, so understand that can also be part of the problem.
Again, time will show you many things to help you decide if this is the situation you REALLY want to be part of.
All of these questions are things that you will eventually face and need to solve, if you stay with this man, even if you do "love him with all your heart". There is alot of love to share with stepchildren, but there is also alot of heartache. Protect your heart. Take time to think all of this through, BEFORE getting married.
kssmul, you are right. God gave us parents for a reason. Sometimes we CAN benefit from blended families and sometimes, they CAN break your heart. Parents (and others like us on Bella) who have experience CAN help, so that's the reason God gave us parents (and others who care!).
Please let us know the answers to some (or ALL) of these questions and we will ALL see what we can do to help. Been there and done that! May God bless you, guide you, and give you patience to wait while you figure all of this out! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Trish
