I have been madly in love with the woman of my dreams for a year and half now. We have been engaged for 4 months. We have a bit of a long distance relationship. She lives and works 50 miles from me. We get together, on average, only 2 or 3 times a week. I'm ready for full time and marriage. She is fine with the way things are. It is putting a strain on our relationship because she wants to be here but cannot. She wants to spend the rest of her life with me but doesn't want to fully start right now. I wonder if it's wrong for me to want to set a goal, have something concrete rather than so up in the air. Does anyone else have a similar problem?
I wouldn't say that it's "wrong" for you to have a goal in mind, but I don't know all of the factors. A long distance relationship can easily threaten our security - it would be a lot easier to accept an engagement without a definite wedding date if the separation wasn't there. If her moving toward marriage with you is going to involve leaving family, friends, job issues, etc., she may not be ready to deal with all of the loose ends that are going to need to be wrapped up - which can be overwhelming if many years have been invested into these things. You may need to take a deep breath and relax for a while in the fact that she did accept your proposal. You may want to back off and re-visit the issue in about six months. If she's not ready to be more concrete at that time, you might want to re-think your goals for the relationship.
The only similar situation I've been in was a 4 1/2 year relationship where I didn't necessarily want to even become engaged - I just wanted to feel that my presence in his life had some significance. He never even introduced me to his family, and after 2 1/2 years of warnings and his promises to get his act together with no following through, I finally left.
