BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree by choice?

I just came back to this post after ages - and I can't begin to tell you how great I think it is that this post is still active after almost a whole year since I started this! I am delighted that there are so many women and indeed men out there that don't want to conform to the norms just for the sake of it.
Really happy and great to read all your posts. Although some of you are struggling (aren't we all some days?!) I think the most important is that you do what you think is best for you - whether that is having a child or not. It is OUR choice and nobody else's. We all have to find our own way and nobody can walk that for us, we have to make every step ourselves!
Sending happy thoughts your way!
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Hello again,

I want to say how truly sorry I am for those of you going through the child/no child situations with your respective spouses. At one time I really did think that I wanted children but once I saw my friends lives torn to shreds with diapers and formula I realized it was just not for me. Luckily, I married a man who did not have a burning desire for kids. It is funny how things turn out. Hope everyone is doing well.

Namaste

Kate

Thank you wildlifegirl and yes, you are absolutely right. My husband does deserve to be with someone that can give him the children he desires. After all, we are all only here once. I suppose I am waiting for something to 'wake up' inside me, you know this bilogical clock and maternal instinct that people speak about. I am a very nuturing person by nature and treat my two dogs as if they were real babies but the thought of having my own baby sends shivers up my spine. The permanency of it and that if you find out parenthood is not for you, what can you do, grin and bear it? I have a fear of signing up for a lifetime full of worry, heartache, depression ( I was a bad teenager and sent my poor mother into deep depression) so all of these things start triggering alarm bells in my brain. Then I look at the relationship that my Mum and I have now and we're best friends so it does make me kind of sad that I may not have that in the future after she is gone. In saying that, whose to say that a child will remain close to their parents at all or even survive until adulthood and that would be the saddest thing of all. Thanks for the advice and it's so refreshing to see so many understanding people out there that are happy to share their thoughts. Thanks Babaloo for raising such an important issue.

Also meant to say a proper hello to you all! Only had time initially to jump on this forum for a fleeting moment and now having had the time to go back and read all of your stories! I feel I know all of you in a way I only know myself (apart from Katrinae as that was just scary!) It seems we all have something that sets us apart from what is considered 'normal' by perhaps the majority. Lovely to meet all of you and looking forward to reading more of your comments. Thanks for the kind words Kate. Haunted lady, you sound very wise. Checked out No Kidding website and ordered some books from Amazon on the subject Babaloo if your swaying from one way to the other. The Parenthood Decision and Sweet Grapes got good reviews. Thank you for your comments and thoughts on the subject, I was starting to feel like an endangered species! It's hard to talk about this when all your friends are having babies or trying hard to conceive.
Thanks again.

just a new visitor, i am 31 year old male, 32 in about 2 weeks, and i am engaged to the most wonderful CF person. i live in england, a small town in the north west of england, called st helens men can feel the pressures to breed, but i for one dont have that paternal instinct in me.

just like to say i am happy to have found someone where there is absolutely NO pressure to have children, reading the posts i hope matt i think is doing ok, its always nice to know other people, other forum boards exist, so we can talk bout the problems, i see a lot of people pre child and they are carefree, happy generally, but once they have a child then somehow all their thought processes goes into parent mode.. this is what i object to.

i dont mind nicely behaved children the ones who are rarely seen and rarely heard, but now there are a lot more badly behaved children..

Merc-

"i dont mind nicely behaved children the ones who are rarely seen and rarely heard, but now there are a lot more badly behaved children.. "

Children are meant to be seen and meant to be heard. When I hear statements like that, I think to myself, 'what made this person feel this way? Were they not treated well as children?' I'm not saying that at all to offend you. I'm saying it because I found it shocking that someone believes that children that are not seen or heard are somehow 'nicely behaved' because they are not noticed. I find that sad. We all were children before. Children have as much a right to be seen and heard as any of us do.

I agree completely with Mercurior - children nowadayws are loud, obnoxious, and have very poor manners in public. Children may be children, but that doesn't mean they have to be impolite and run around like wild beasts. When I'm out at a restaurant, I cringe every time a family with small children sits near me because there are so few parents that actually make their kids behave. Babies banging silverware on the table is one of my biggest pet peeves, and if my glaring at them won't stop them, I have been known to go to the table and take the utensils out of their hands myself. On the rare occasion that the parents do make their child be quiet and not run wild around the restaurant, my husband and I make sure we compliment them before we leave. I'm a big fan of positive reinforcement. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Saying that we shouldn't mind children being loud because we were once children is like saying we should have children ourselves because we were once children.

I was treated very well as a child, but my parents taught me values and respect for my elders and how to behave in public and other social situations. When I didn't, I was punished as I should've been. I didn't chomp my gum or chew with my mouth open, I covered my mouth when I coughed or sneezed, I didn't curse, and I was admonished for interrupting people. I certainly wasn't perfect, but I was a far cry better than the majority of children today. It's as if the word discipline is taboo. Parents are lazy and don't want to take responsibility for their children.

bellringr - YEAH!!!! I totally agree!!!

I was raised to respect my elders, behave properly in public and be polite in general. Today's parents just don't seem to realize the handicap they are putting on their children by allowing them to run around like monkeys!

Plus, maybe there would be some child-free people who might want kids if they actually saw some good ones from time to time.

I totally agree. I have been know to ask the hostess to change my table if we see that we are being led to a section full of children. I also was treated well as a child but taught manners. If I had behaved like the children I see now, I never would have seen daylight. I think parents want to be friends with their kids. They want the children to "like them". Your kids don't need more friends. They need parents and I truly wish people would act like it.

Kate =)

Wow, what an amazing thread! I'm amazed at all the people who feel the same way my husband and I do! I'm new to this forum, and glad I came across this topic. My husband and I have only been married for a little over 7 months now, but we were best friends for 3 years before we got together, and we dated for 4 years before getting married, so we know each other very well, and share most of the same hobbies and beliefs.
I am 22 years old, and am sick of people telling me that I'm going to change my mind. It's almost like they're saying "I'm not old enough to make my mind up for myself". It's really sad. I know how I feel, and I feel VERY strongly about it.
This forum is extremely supportive for me, and I'm glad it's around^^
I'm sorry some of you have spouses who decided they want to contribute to the overpopulation of the world, even after discussing it and deciding not to have them. But if someone's going to push you to do something you dont want to, is wrong, and should not be tolerated. There are plenty of people out there that will be supportive in your decision to not reproduce to have to settle for anything but. I know it's hard to leave someone you've been with for that long, but it'll be even harder to give into their demands and resent them for the rest of your life.