BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree by choice?

Hello! I am so glad to see other people who feel like I do. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and we do not want children at all. We got so much pressure from our families over the last six years that my husband and I decided he would get a vasectomy to stop the "when are you two having babies" comment. I got so annoyed after hearing it year after year, not to mention the "oh, you will change your mind" comments. People act as if I don't know my own mind. I just don't understand why you "must" have babies. Are women nothing but baby machines? Don't we seem capable of being a productive part of society without adding to the ever growing burden of the population of "breeders" ? OK, there is my rant. So how is everyone doing?

Kate

Kate-

Awesome story! My husband is also talking about having a vasectomy and this will definitely stop those horrible noisy people. Whenever one of our friend has one...a vasectomy that is, we have a 'V' <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> party....V for Victory. Corny but funny.

Dink...
That is so funny.. we had a V / birthday party when my husband did it! It was great! (Except he was walking around with a bag of frozen peas on his junk all night). =) Thanks for the reply. It is great to feel like part of a community. The older I get without kids, the more alienated from my own sex I feel. Does that make sense?

Kate

hi everyone!!

i just found this site and have been reading through all of your messages. it is so nice to find so many other people that agree that just b/c you can have children that you should!! i've been married for 5.5 years now, and i am sooooooo sick of everyone asking me when i'm going to have kids! i have one other friend that feels the same way i do, but being in tx (as was mentioned by someone before) family is a cult following down here, so we feel quite ostracized. i will tell her about this site as soon as i talk with her:)

it's also great to hear about others that have chosen not to 'breed' and not regretted it! like several of you, everyone keeps telling me i'll change my mind - how annoying can someone be to tell you how you feel! i'm looking forward to being a part of this community and hearing everyone else's opinions:):)

I am really so glad to meet other people who won't judge me on my life. I read the earlier posts from the crazy woman who said that you are not any different from a man if you don't have a baby??? Every post she wrote made me angry. I got home and told my husband and it made him angry. Just because I am not a baby factory doesn't make me any less of a woman. And the B.S. she heaped on that poor man Matt made me want to cry for him. Did she actually have the nerve to say that he should not fool himself into thinking he was normal for not wanting kids??? Poor guy. I really hope he is doing well. I see that after all of the brilliant people on this site responded to her that she has not been back. Can't say that upsets me. But I guess I am not "normal" because I don't want to breed.

Kate =)

=)

I'm so happy to meet you all too. I think I posted my intro on one of the other threads, but I'll do it here as well. I'm happily married for 14 yrs and cf. I never had any burning desire to have a baby; just thought that was the price I would have to pay to get married. I was so lucky to find a husband who was supportive of my feelings. I think I became adamently cf when I worked in a bank and heard all my coworkers talking about their homelives after babies. (i.e. they did all the house chores and child related work while their hubbies sat in front of the computer or watched tv) I told my dh if we had kids that he would be doing all the grunt work and I'd be the one relaxing in front of the tube and showing up for the Kodak moments on holidays.

Princess-
Isn't it funny that we all know the couples with kids that have the woman as slave. When exactly did women agree to do all the housework/chilrearing in addition to working full time?? Makes me crazy. I see people in my family like that. I want to smack them and say ya know, your husband has two hands and legs. He can help out around the house!! Those also tend to be the women that sacrifice any free time for themselves. I think that is really sad.

Kate

Sorry Babaloo, I meant to email Matt but emailed you instead. Please excuse my email. Sorry.

Hi Matt

I just want to let you know that I understand how you feel. I am in the same situtation with my husband only it is I that have no desire to have a child. My husband has told me that he'll leave me if I cannot give him the family he's always wanted. We both discussed this before marriage and we were both foolish enough to think the other loved the other enough to change their mind. I had never met a man that had never wanted children so just thought it's what women had to do and it wasn't until my late 20's I realised that I don't have to do anything I don't want to. Sadly I have a fear of growing old alone and have been with my husband for 14 years so I have to make my decision soon. I ust wanted to say thanks for having the guts to speak out about it. It's always nice to know that you're not alone. I thought turning 30 would be the best years of my life but now I am faced with this awful decision and feel that it's a lose, lose situation for me, whatever I decide.
All the best to you Matt. You are normal and anyone that says you're not is clearly under educated! Good luck and thank you.

dugong16,

i wanted to let you know that i can sympathize with you b/c i'm going thru the same thing. i've been married for 5 yrs. now and my husband is pushing more and more for children. we also discussed the issue before we were married... he knew i didn't want children and he said he was okay with that. now, he says he can't remember ever saying that; i think he believed i would change my mind.

i also worry about being old and alone, but that is not a good reason to have a child. there are no guarantees that your child will be there for you when you are older. i know it isn't easy, but you know what will make you happy, if that means not having a kid then don't! someone gave matt really good advice - it's better that you find someone who feels the same way you do about children than compromise, otherwise you and your husband will both be unhappy.

i'm not sure what will happen between my husband and me, but i'm not going to give in on this or i will resent both him and the child. it's not an easy decision to make, and yes i worry about the consequences of my decision, but at least i know i am being true to myself. besides, if kids are the only that will make him happy, i love him enough to want that for him - even if it is not with me.