BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree by choice?

Well said, Babaloo! :love:

Yes, you are welcome here, as long as I am here too? hehe
It will take some time to recover from the pain of a divorce. But I do have a serious suggestion to make. I have found that pets have a very wonderful healing power and make excellent companions, friends, and listeners. It's not a replacement or anything...no one can replace another being. But its a start. I dont know if youre an animal person, but i know people who had never paid much attention to animals before and suddenly found themselves in a situation that caused them grief or pain and the love of an animal made it easier to bear.
Plus, it gives you someone to take care of and love in the meantime. You cant just turn off love, but you can redirect it. All you have to do is go down to the animal shelter, the pet store, and connect with a little friend. They make a lot of difference. I had a cat for 10 years who was my closest companion, through love and my parents divorce, she was there to listen and give me a lick when i was sad. When she passed, i was grief stricken, but in her place someone else came into my life to offer me the same things.
When you are a caring, loving, and giving person to such an innocent life, you get everything you give back. Sometimes its more rewarding than a human relationship! animals will seldomly turn on you or disagree with your philosophies.

I hope i was some help to you! There's a lot of different loves in the world and all of them heal pain and loss.

Well still here! Just working through all the [censored]. We are trying to be civil to each other but the futher it goes the harded it is. I really hope we can be remain in contact after this but I just don't see how. The thought of her with someone else is just more than I can bare.

Hi Matt,
Good to see that you're still here.
Quite possible that you won't be able to remain in contact after everything is settled. Probably not at the start anyway. I think it'll take some time and both of you will have to put some distance between yourselves and your time together.
In my personal experience it doesn't often work to remain friends afterwards or at least stay in contact - but having said that, for myself it did work in one instance. I'm still in contact with one of my ex-friends although we now live thousands of miles apart. BUT, we did have a time of no contact at all before we could go back to not feeling really awkward in each other's company. He is now married and has a child (see, it never would've worked with us! <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )
I hope for you that you two will be able to stay civilised and in contact! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
Keep us posted on how you're doing! And keep up the good spirits! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey babaloo, where do you live. You don't have to be exact but in what area? I live in North Carolina (USA).

Hi Matt,
South of Ireland.... guess I'm one of the few non-US people on this site.
Hope you're doing OK.
B.

Well, I'm new here. Found this site while looking for a childfree discussion group and couldn't let AINTD's remarks go unchallenged, though I see some intelligent and articulate people have already spoken up.

Just because one CAN do something doesn't mean one SHOULD. There are many reasons for people to decide to be childfree and in general those reasons are not selfish, e.g. overpopulation, inability to care for a child, would rather work with children in another capacity, etc. However, when you ask people why they have children, the reasons that are usually offered are really quite selfish, e.g. I want someone to care for me in my old age, I want to continue the family name, I want someone to love me only, etc. To have children or not is a personal decision, one that should never be questioned by anyone else. We are not required to have them. We have reliable birth control. Biology is not destiny.

Well this has all been highly interesting....

Personally, I have never felt "the urge" to reproduce either. I can think of many other far more fulfiliing endeavours I can spend my time, money and life on. Actually, I clicked on this forum because I'm becoming rather disenchanted with life as of late. Out of all my friends, only 1 is still child-free. I don't have a problem with people who choose to have kids, but it is a completely different mind-set, and miss the 'good old days', of being able to get together with friends without the considerable amount of hassle that goes on now, not to mention the fact that once people have children they tend to pull out of their friendships, or graviate towards the ones where there are children involved. I guess I am just a little annoyed, because of the overwhelming majority of 'breeders', and wish I had some more people in my life who held the same views, or at least understood them. As for comments about it being selfish, unnatural or sick "just like the gays."
1) Hunny, I am gay.
2)It's far more selfish to have a child, because you want a 'baby', without really taking the time to understand that, that baby is going to grow into an actual person, who you will be responsible for, for the rest of your life.
3)Many of the women I know who have kids - didn't plan on it, it just happened and they coped (How truly responsible!) And then there's another good chunk of them that have babies when they really need - a)therapy or b) use it as a means to keep a relationship together.
Talk about sick.
Anyway, thats enough ranting for me.

-Sam.

Amazonsmurf, I know only too well where you're coming from. It took a long time to figure out why people felt it was ok to cancel on me at the last minute or make vague promises to get together and never do it or cut activities short because of something involving the kids. Let me clue you in to a group called No Kidding. Please feel free to PM me and I'll give you some information.

Hello,
Great to see some new posts! After the initial "fighting" it has become rather quiet in here of late.
Amazonsmurf and hauntedlady - I know exactly how you feel. At work almost everyone seems to be pregnant at the moment or has just had their baby. Some of them, I'm sure, have planned it but others have not. That to me is not exactly responsible.
It also makes me feel something of an outsider - although I'm not the only one who doesn't intend to have kids. But like you said, because they have kids people will cancel get-togethers or will cut them short. It makes it harder for me to keep my already small circle of friends intact.
Would be nice to make this forum something of a more regular thing ...
B.