BellaOnline Forums Family Adoption am i ment not to know who i am?

Found my birth mom feb 02. every time i ask her about my background, all she gives me is "ill send you the family tree" to me, that does nothing, i know nothing about my blood, i know nothing about my grandparents, i know only of my brother, and my aunt, on my fathers side, well he died a month after i was born, i thought i found his brothers adress to send him a letter, and well either it was the wrong adress, or he just sent it back... I have been waiting 17 years to knwo my background, i knew i was adopted since age 3... im dissapoionted in knowing i FINALLY found her, and she wont give me the information i have been waiting for, i refuse to speak to her, with lack of hope for who i am by blood, rather depression to me, eats at me every day, knowing im here, with a brother thats my adoptive parents blood, HE KNOWS HIS BACKGROUND, me? Im lost, im in a viod of pondering myself.... just one last thing, H E L P

Try looking up your birth mothers birth records, that would give you her parents names and perhaps you can learn more that way. Of course to figure that out you'll need her place and date of birth, but that could possibly be found in the states records.
I hope this helps some.

Wendy

I was 25 when I was told by mother that my Dad was not my biological father. They divorced when I was 2. He knows and my whole family ( A very LARGE family ) knew. They kept it a secret for 25 years! I was shocked at first, thinking I must meet this man who my blood comes from. Then I thought about my dad and how he raised me. He loves me and has always been a father to me in every way and I would never have any thought that he was not my biological father. He would be crushed to know that my mom finally broke the sillence. So I now keep my secret and have accepted that I will never know my half brothers and sisters. I accept I am an only child, and enjoy every moment I have with my dad. It is hard to let go of things- many things happen for a reason.

I am now 33 and my husband and I would like to adopt a daughter as we have son. I worry she will not fully accept me as her mother- and feel the need to meet the biological parents. That fear has kept me from starting the adoption process. Which is a shame because we are a good fun family with lots of love to share.

I know this may not help your situation, but these are just my experiences.

Lily - Try giving your birth mom some more time and space. She may have very good reasons for procrastinating about getting the info to you. In the meantime, make the best of the family that life has given you the privilege of knowing. Sometimes we are so busy worrying about what we don't have or know that we miss out on the full enjoyments of what we do have and know.

Bella Adoption Host

Lily, I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you. But...try looking at it from your mother's point of view. I get the impression you found her and not the other way around. This is probably something she wasn't expecting to have to deal with. She is probably dealing with just as many feelings as you are but isn't sure what to do. Ignoring her is not going to get you closer to the information you want. You're strangers. Maybe it's time to get to know her first as a person and not as your the mother who deserted you and won't give you information. When she's ready she'll talk to you but trying to force her will just make her shut down. She probably has lots of pain she needs to deal with before she can open it up to you. Maybe you once you've healed over this latest wound you can suggest mutual councilling for the two of you.

Of course this is just another opinion in the see of everyone else knows better but I really think you need to step back from the situation. You've found your mother! Most people are never that lucky. One more thing before I shut my mouth. You and your actions determine the person you are, not your blood.

Best wishes in finding your heart's desire.

I agree with M.E.'s comments. Lily, I, too can only imagine the emotions and frustrations you're experiencing. Hang in there and try treating your birth mom with kindness, compassion, and respect, without pressuring her to provide info before she's ready. I'm betting that she'll come around once she's figured out how to deal with all of this. Meanwhile, concentrate on your life with the family you grew up knowing. And feel free to drop by here anytime you feel frustrated. We're here to listen.

Best of luck!
AdoptedMom
Bella Adoption Host