BellaOnline Forums Family Adoption Changing names

Hello, I was wondering what you thought about changing a baby's given name after adoption? My parents adopted a girl, Tiffani, when she was 18 months old. They didn't really like the name and said they wouldn't have chosen it, but they began to like the name once they were familiar with it as being hers, and they said it was already her name so why change it.

However, they adopted her brother when he was only a day old, and they didn't like the name of J.R. (which stands for John Ross) that the mother gave the baby. After the adoption of both children were finalized a few months ago, they started talking about changing J.R."s name. He was about 8 months old then. Now he is almost a year old (in March he will be 1) and they are saying they are definitely changing his name to Cody.

I am very against this, because J.R. is the name his birth mother gave him and I feel like he should have something left over from her. He is and will continue to be in contact with his birth parents, as this is a family-related adoption and his father is my father's nephew.

I also dont' know why they would want to change his name when they didn't think it would be right to change his sister's name. Especially now, after a year! J.R. has been his name for a whole year, ever since he was born. It is in photo albums, on documents, on videotape, etc. I feel this will greatly influence his sense of identity when he grows up., I think it would be weird to think, "my name used to be ___________, what if it were still ___________?" all the time.

Anybody else have any thoughts on this? Maybe it's not as big a deal as it seems. But I am really against the changing of his name.

I agree with you Anita, if your parents were going to change the babies name then it should have been changed at birth.....

marshwriggle

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/dreamwarden/anna/index.htm

okay..i am not a pro on this topic, but my sister in law adopted siblings several years ago and changed both of their names. They were like.....i want to say 18 mos and just a few months. This worked out fine for them, and they are now well adjusted, loving kids.

I'd say that after the adopting family has called the child by a name for so long, that should be the child's name. Like yeh said, it's in photo albums and videos... plus at that age kids are totally used to responding to their own names. If the same people start calling them something else, sure they'll adjust, but it's like trying to change their identity.

I would think changing a childs name at that stage would be quite confusing. They will eventually get use to their new names. I think timing is everything in this kind of situation.

Choosing a name and whether to keep a name can be a complex topic. Here in San Francisco, it seems there are a lot of people who use a different name other than their given names for social purposes or who have changed their names from their birth names.

I feel that whatever the parents chose is their right, but whatever decision is made, it should be done as early as possible so as not to confuse the child. If the child is old enough that they recognize their name when they are spoken to, I think you might want to stick with that name. If they are so young that they don't yet identify what you are saying as their name, a change doesn't seem such a big deal to me.

- Rae

Lots of kids have an official name and a nickname. I guess I sort of feel like a new parent "erasing the old name" is sort of like trying to claim ownership of that child like it was a possession. If you marry someone you don't say to them "I dislike the name Robert. From now on your legal name is Bob!" However, you DO say that "I am going to call you Bob" and that's fine.

Why do they have to change the legal name? I would leave the legal name as is, and use that for formal occasions. Give the kid a nickname that you use in casual conversation. But even if you're going to do it, do it early. Kids learn their names REALLY quickly, they are quite brilliant little creatures. So to randomly change their names after 6 months or a year or more seems unnecessarily traumatic, with everything else they're already dealing with ...

Hi this is Anita- I started the topic but now I have a new username on the forums because I am the literary fiction host. Anyway I do think that would have been a better idea. I know that even though they changed the baby's name officially, we often still call him by his *old*, birth-given name. I do it on purpose because I don't agree with the change, lol, but they do it accidentally because they are used to calling him that. They even call him by old nicknames which are derived from his old name. It makes more sense to me to keep his old name, at least officially, but I guess it is not really my decision to make. I also agree that changing his name because of a whim is sort of like treating him like a possession or a pet and not his own person with his own identity, however young that identity may be. Hopefully it will all turn out well for him, I know they love him no matter what they call him. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />