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Joined: Jan 2005
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I am 36 and my wife is 31. We have been married for 6 years. Before our marriage, we both acknowledged that we weren�t ready for having kids rightaway, but also thought we would get there eventually. So we decided to leave the details for future to work out, but as it seems now things are not as simple as we thought they would be. We initially went through a married life full of ups and downs due to our somewhat incompatible personalities, so it was natural that the question of having kids never seriously came up. Why are we still together then, you might ask? The only thing that kept our marriage up was the love/affection we had and still have for each other.

Those adjustment days (years) are behind us (although she thinks they have dragged her down) and this question is back again on our table more prominent than ever before. Anyway, in the course of time, I grew out to be more and more keen on having kids whereas she drifted to the opposite direction since she started having nasty migraine headaches and a bad back. She thinks it is not realistic for her to have kids with her headaches and back and I tend to agree with her also. Unfortunately we are seeing no light in the end of her migraine headaches� tunnel (her bad back is less of a problem in the way of having kids actually).

Having said that, I have my own uncertainties about fatherhood and my instincts at that capacity as well. They could be very well natural though. I don�t know.

Although I said that I tend to agree with my wife on her position on having kids, one part of me says that she is subconsciously using her health condition as a crutch. My male mentality makes me consider a drastic measure in order to fix her problem first (e.g. change of lifestyle like relocation to the cities she would enjoy more; It might change her mood and in the end help to get her headaches under control). But on the other hand, it is not that easy and the end results are not guaranteed either.

Nowadays our conversations about the subject keeps ending in her suggestion that we part ways if I want kids. Why that suggestion if we still love each other? Again this separation talk is part of our incompatible personality thing I told you earlier. As a matter of fact she had always a foot on separation side once our married life road would get bumpy. She is more for giving up on things that fail to work perfect from the get-go and I am more of a gradual enhancement person.

So here I am, confused about my situation and all that. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

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Joined: Oct 2004
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Joined: Oct 2004
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hi there im not sure where to start. im 22 and my parents are divorced. thru it came us 3 kids and now i have a son. anyway, did sumthin happen to her b4 u guys got married to trigger her 2 be like that? is she not ready 4 kids? perhaps she feels she sont be a good mom. theres alot of things. could u explain more? i was in a car accident several yrs ago to where my back was screwed up. my son is ok, i had a hard delivery. i have migraines constantly. has she seen a dr? id suggest seeking marriage counseling? do u go 2 a church? well ill think of more later. best wishes.

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Thanks tiflynn for your answer.Yes there are a lot of things that could be potentially interrelated here.

She was 5 when her parents got divorced. She remained the only child of her two parents. Her childhood wasn't very happy. She regards --probably more than the next person-- parenthood as a huge responsibilty.

She has seen a few doctors for her migraine. She hasn't talked with them about pregnacy in particular yet though. She has to take tylenol every day just to suppress a brewing headache. Without those painkillers, she would have a migraine headache every day instead of once a week on average. That's another thing. I don't think a pregnant woman can have tylenol on a regular basis.

Joined: Oct 2004
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Shark
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hi sorry i havent been on lately. when my parents divorced i thought i never wanted kids. but i have a lil man, so things change. its a big responibility,but u learn. i had migraines really bad, but i dealt. i was told to take tylenol,nuttin more. have u tried 2 go w/her to her drs appt? how r things? maybe she feels shed fail, i still do.


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