Hi my friends-
Hubbie had another "sad" episode a few days ago. He saw a Dad outside playing catch with his son and was melancholy for the rest of the day that we aren't going to have kids. In a moment of weakness, I started talking about the possibility of taking out the IUD and trying for a baby. Now I have a knot in my stomach the size of Texas.
I'm 38 and the risks are probably huge, not to mention that... well... I STILL don't want any kids. He would be wonderful and super helpful and a great Dad. And it would make him so happy. And I would probably resent him for turning my life from a series of "want to's" to "have to's." I already feel like he's crowding me today, and I usually love the attention.
When I last wrote, it seemed like we had solved this. But I don't have as much of a backbone as I thought and know we're back in the throes of this.
Tomorrow I'm starting a 4 week opera workshop that I was so looking forward to, and now I'm so stressed out from all of this. So sad today, girls, I just had to write.
