Hi FNF,
I saw your post and even though I have no step children, I am the mom of a 22 year old daughter and have close friends who are step-moms to kids in their teens and twenties.
Have you suggested counseling? If money is an issue, you might be able to get with a church official who does this for a small donation to the church or with a free organization in your area. It sounds like it might be worth a try.
One of the things I have found is that when you're one of the ones involved in the situation, the grown up kids don't seem to listen to you, or hear half of what you say. They already have their opinions in their minds and think they know what you are going to say too. Getting an outside opinion could be a great help. One of my friends who has a stepdaughter in her mid-twenties went through something like what you are, except the daughter was still living home and had no children. That young woman wanted a very expensive wedding without thought to the current economy, so the parents did have their hands full, but turning to a family counseling center really worked for them. From there on, the wedding plans were made with cooler heads and smarter choices.
I wish you all the best!
Nancy Welker
BellaOnline Yoga Editor 
