My 17 yr old son has Asperger's and so we see a psychiatrist on a regular basis.
Normally we do not have a big issue with him and my husband, but last week they did have a HUGE blowout. My son tried to pull the "You're not my real dad" thing on hubby.
My husband and I always stand together publicly, and if we disagree about something we will talk about it afterwards privately (my husband was raised in a strict military home and has a little difficulty "bending" with the autism sometimes - but usually he is amazing!)
But at our last psychiatrist appt, it was just my son and I that got to go - so I brought up the argument and mentioned what my son said. The psychiatrist looked my son straight in the eye and said - "that doesn't fly. He may not be your biological father, but he is the man that has taken care of you most of your life."
I have been very tempted at times to disagree with my husband over a punishment or how strict he is - but I know how imprtant it is to present a "united front". It has made a huge difference in how my children from my first marriage treat my husband.
"Offthegrid" - you say your daughter is a sociopath, I wonder if she has something similar to my son's Asperger's? His emotions at times are very robotic and distanced, and he has a hard time relating to the world. He has had to learn how to emotionally connect with people, and it still doesn't always come out right. I wonder if your step-daughter needs some type of psychatric testing and help. The idea for you and your husband to move in with his ex is crazy, but he will always be a co-parent - because he is the parent.
