I'm sorry you're going through this.
Everyone here has offered great advice, here's mine, short and sweet.
You're not required to like her, love her, or anything. You are only required to be decent to her, which you are. She is also not required to love you, like you or anything but she should be required to behave respectfully towards you as an adult in her life.
The husband and the wife have to form a united front for the sake of the children, and the sake of the marriage which should always be first, before the kids.
Can you and your husband get some counseling to help you do this. Once you and he become more united, NOT picking out things with each other's kids, and competing in that way, you'll find you have a lot more harmony within the family unit, even if everyone doesn't like each other.
These kids are all going to be grown and gone and some point but you and your husband will be alone, and that is why that relationship must be first.
Best to you and yours.
Tuey, I agree with Stephanie. Step-daughters come into a new family group with the feeling that they now have strong competition for their father's love - another woman is now in the picture and the SD is usually feeling a little shoved aside before she even finds out what the new 'Mom' is like.
It is not easy for the step-mom to step into this role. I truly hope all works out well. It will take time, maybe longer than you think, but, some day it will be ok - maybe not ever perfect, but acceptable and respectable.
Best wishes to you.
