What you said about defining yourself by your pain makes sense. I think I used to be this way. I carried around grudges for years and dwelled on this pain. Then I read a book by Wayne Dyer called The 10 Secrets of Success and Inner Peace. One chapter was on forgiving and letting go of the past.
Maybe I was at the point in my life where I'd begun to see that this lack of forgiveness was only hurting ME and also getting in the way of forging better relationships, which in turn brought more happiness into my life.
I've learned to see things differently now and I don't internalize other peoples anger or rudeness. I've learned that things can only affect me if I let them do so.
One quote I heard from the Course in Miracles "At any given moment I am free to choose - and I choose peace."
I think of that a lot in my daily life now.
