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Posted By: Lisa LowCarb Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/18/08 02:25 AM
I imagine just about every one of us can think of a time that someone did something to us and did not apologize for it. For some of us, it was a very serious incident in our past, one that still torments and haunts us in our current life.

Often we can't sleep, we feel very upset, angry, furious. We want them to apologize, to take responsibility for what they've done. We want them to admit they were wrong.

All of that stress and anger and trauma in our bodies only hurts *us*. The person in question doesn't care! It is our bodies worn down by the stress hormones. Our lack of sleep affecting our health. Our high blood pressure damaging our systems. While they might be the "cause" - long ago in our past - we are the one being damaged by our current replaying and replaying of that issue.

This has been an extremely difficult issue for me personally to address. It has taken me a long time to realize that it is for my own health that I need to forgive. It's not about saying "they were right to do what they did". It's about saying "I am going to put it in my past." It's not that I trust that person going forward. But I don't actively feel negatively about the past situation. I put it into a "it's in the past, and it's over" category.

Do you have situations like this in your life? Do you think you can make headway into putting it into your own past, and moving on with your future? Or do you sort of "define" yourself by that pain?
Posted By: Raven2727 Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/25/08 09:30 AM
YES AND IT ALL MAKES SENSE. I JUST HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THE FORGIVENSS STAGE YET. I KNOW IT ONLY HURTS ME BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T SEE MY ABILITY TO FORGIVE JUST YET. I KNOW I NEED TO AND I HOPE THAT SOMEDAY I CAN. I ALSO THINK AND FEEL THAT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED THAT I CAN NOT FORGIVE WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEMSELVES AND THAT ATLEAST ONE OF THEM IT WILL PROBALLY KILL THEM IN TIME THRU THE STRESS THEY MUST FACE. THAT IS IF THEY REALLY HAVE FEELING AND A HEART OR JUST PLAIN CONVINCED THEMSELVES THAT THEY COULD NOT HAVE STOPPED A DEATH AND THAT THEY LOOKED THE OTHER WAY SO AS NOT TO BELEIVE WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I KNOW THINGS AND RECIEVE THINGS AND I BEGGED THEM ALL TO HELP ME HELP MY SON OR HIS BLOOD WOULD BE ON THERE HANDS. I REGRET THAT I SENT THAT STATEMENT OUT TO MY OTHER CHILDREN BUT I WAS GRASPING FOR HELP. I DIDN'T GET ANYONE'S HELP AND NICK PAID THE GREATEST PRICE HIS LIFE.
Posted By: joanj Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/26/08 12:26 PM
What you said about defining yourself by your pain makes sense. I think I used to be this way. I carried around grudges for years and dwelled on this pain. Then I read a book by Wayne Dyer called The 10 Secrets of Success and Inner Peace. One chapter was on forgiving and letting go of the past.

Maybe I was at the point in my life where I'd begun to see that this lack of forgiveness was only hurting ME and also getting in the way of forging better relationships, which in turn brought more happiness into my life.

I've learned to see things differently now and I don't internalize other peoples anger or rudeness. I've learned that things can only affect me if I let them do so.

One quote I heard from the Course in Miracles "At any given moment I am free to choose - and I choose peace."

I think of that a lot in my daily life now.
Posted By: SpiritualArtist Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/26/08 02:46 PM
A few years back I wrote a lengthy letter to a person that hurt me very deeply in life. The only thing was, I never actually mailed the letter. The person to whom it should have gone to had gone through enough of her own pain in life and I decided she would likely go into her usual victim's role with me. However, the process of writing the letter was overwhelmingly very therapeutic. I even imagined caring responses from her had I decided to actually mail the letter. To this day, I often think I mailed that letter because over the years I have had occasions to trickle little bits of my anguish to her at the appropriate times and she has responded to my pain in loving sorrowful ways. Our relationship is still on the mend, but I'm no longer on the verge of exploding with rage every time I see her or talk about her now. Life is short and you have to decide if you want key people to be in it with you. If you want those people in it with you, you have to work through your issues like a 12-step program, and in a hurry, before aging, illness or death creeps up on you and you feel like a total idiot for wasting so much time for acting like a self-righteous idiot.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/27/08 06:07 AM
Raven -

I'm so sorry to hear that something so drastic happened in your life. My situation is not nearly as bad as that. I cannot imagine how hurt you feel, and I completely understand that you are not ready to forgive that yet.

One of our editors had a son pass away recently; I imagine if you post in the bereavement forum (under Relationships on the left side) that they would be able to talk with you about the emotions and offer support.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/27/08 06:30 AM
Joan -

You are so very right. As much as others may intrude on your world, you do have the ability to block them out. Yes, it's hard sometimes, but it can be done. It's definitely a good skill to learn! It doesn't seem right that person A's day should be ruined because person B was in a bad mood and happened to say something inappropriate.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 06/27/08 06:31 AM
Deb - it sounds like you found a wonderful solution that helped a great deal! Writing out your feelings was a frequent tip in the books I've been reading.
Posted By: giftbaskets Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 07/08/08 11:43 AM
Quote:
imagine just about every one of us can think of a time that someone did something to us and did not apologize for it. For some of us, it was a very serious incident in our past, one that still torments and haunts us in our current life.

Often we can't sleep, we feel very upset, angry, furious. We want them to apologize, to take responsibility for what they've done. We want them to admit they were wrong.


Actually such all thing may happen in life , reason may be lots,It will depends upon everyones behavior.Some may feel more stressful but for others it may be more or less very difficult to digest .
But thinking about it and getting depressed it better to solve the conditions or otherwise get out of this and forgive them.
"Saying All Such Words Are so Simple but actually handing the situation are difficult" But really none other then forgiveness is Great .
Thankyou
Posted By: sweetie_me Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 07/09/08 08:50 AM
Often we can't sleep, we feel very upset, angry, furious. We want them to apologize, to take responsibility for what they've done. We want them to admit they were wrong.

All of that stress and anger and trauma in our bodies only hurts *us*. The person in question doesn't care! It is our bodies worn down by the stress hormones. Our lack of sleep affecting our health. Our high blood pressure damaging our systems. While they might be the "cause" - long ago in our past - we are the one being damaged by our current replaying and replaying of that issue.

This has been an extremely difficult issue for me personally to address. It has taken me a long time to realize that it is for my own health that I need to forgive. It's not about saying "they were right to do what they did". It's about saying "I am going to put it in my past." It's not that I trust that person going forward. But I don't actively feel negatively about the past situation. I put it into a "it's in the past, and it's over" category.
=============================================================================================================
It is very true and well said...
It makes me think hard and more forgiving,
CHANGE NEGATIVE THINKING INTO POSITIVE THINKING!
Posted By: Cparkinson Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 07/10/08 06:30 PM
Originally Posted By: Lisa Low Carb Ed
I imagine just about every one of us can think of a time that someone did something to us and did not apologize for it. For some of us, it was a very serious incident in our past, one that still torments and haunts us in our current life.

Often we can't sleep, we feel very upset, angry, furious. We want them to apologize, to take responsibility for what they've done. We want them to admit they were wrong.

All of that stress and anger and trauma in our bodies only hurts *us*. The person in question doesn't care! It is our bodies worn down by the stress hormones. Our lack of sleep affecting our health. Our high blood pressure damaging our systems. While they might be the "cause" - long ago in our past - we are the one being damaged by our current replaying and replaying of that issue.

This has been an extremely difficult issue for me personally to address. It has taken me a long time to realize that it is for my own health that I need to forgive. It's not about saying "they were right to do what they did". It's about saying "I am going to put it in my past." It's not that I trust that person going forward. But I don't actively feel negatively about the past situation. I put it into a "it's in the past, and it's over" category.

Do you have situations like this in your life? Do you think you can make headway into putting it into your own past, and moving on with your future? Or do you sort of "define" yourself by that pain?

hello everyone,
Thank you for sharing, Lisa, and it is a very important topic. I too have struggled with forgiveness, the effects of stress on my body and overall health. I have found some books help to work through things, but vitamin support is great too.
Posted By: Lisa LowCarb Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 07/18/08 03:35 AM
I definitely agree that a key part of being healthy is to have healthy things going into your system.

But it's amazing how many studies tie illnesses to stress. Even if you eat very well, you can wear your body down with stress and anger and hostility. You overwhelm your own body!

It's something that each of us can change within our own minds.
Posted By: dudley good Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 09/24/08 04:55 AM
i love this quotes about forgiveness
"To err is human; to forgive is divine" by Alexander Pope

to forgive sometimes is very hard to do, if the pain is very deep. but we must also learn to forgive others, even if it hard to do it. God loves the humble and people who forgive others
Posted By: Rose-Jokes Editor Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 11/04/08 05:29 PM
Originally Posted By: Lisa Low Carb Ed
I imagine just about every one of us can think of a time that someone did something to us and did not apologize for it. For some of us, it was a very serious incident in our past, one that still torments and haunts us in our current life.

Often we can't sleep, we feel very upset, angry, furious. We want them to apologize, to take responsibility for what they've done. We want them to admit they were wrong.


Wow, I just read this thread and it really hit home. An incident happened to me just two months ago and I'm dealing with all of this. Forgiving and forgeting is difficult.

In the past, actually my childhood, I faced a lot of difficult with situations. I've been a writer for as long as I can remember, but I ended up turning all those situations (not abusive) into humor and wrote teen books based on these experiences. I didn't realize it at first, but it turned into something very theraputic and although I obviously didn't forget, I was able to forgive and move past it and use it to my advantage. While i'm on the quest for finding an agent presently, I think it would be absolutley amazing to see my story in print someday. I feel like it could help other young girls cope with difficult situations and try to find the positive outcome.
Posted By: Bylen Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 11/06/08 10:37 PM

it isn't what happens to you, but how you feel about what happens to you that makes the difference.

Memories are nothing more than electrical firings in the brain. Everytime you remember something it can invoke the same feelings you had at the moment it happened. A person may hurt you once, but every time you think of it you hurt again. But, that person is not causing that hurt.. you are.

5 people in the same situation will have 5 reactions and 5 different feelings about it. We choose how to feel about things. We could easily choose to see it differently. It is our thoughts that causes the anger, not the situation.
If someone hurt me once, why not forgive them. If they continually have rude and hurtful words and actions. I just remove myself from the situation. No anger, no revenge. I just do what is best for me. I try not to attach my emotions to other peoples actions.
I am responsibile for how I interact with the world, and they are responsible for how they interact. One does not have any reflection on the other.

The truth is... if that person is not in the room. If they are not saying hurtful things to you, right now, in this moment and you are feeling pain. Then thy are not causing your pain.. you are. We have to be responsible for our own emotions and reactions. Only then are we able to forgive.

A woman is sitting in a room knitting, another woman opens the door and immediatly starts ranting and raving at the woman. There is absolutly no way the knitting woman caused this. She wasn't present TO cause it. The anger the woman feels is anger she built up on her own, inside of herself. She chose to act in this manner and to feel this way.
When we hold on to anger we are doing the same thing. We are building up our own anger at someone who is not present. We are creating our own pain. We are choosing to hurt.

Please don't be offended by my blunt words. This is the speech I have to give myself from time to time. Thought it was worth sharing laugh

Bylen
Posted By: felixantony Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 11/07/08 09:48 AM
Stress is simply a fact of nature�forces from the outside world affecting the individual. The individual responds to stress in ways that affect the individual as well as their environment.

Hence, all living creatures are in a constant interchange with their surroundings (the ecosystem), both physically and behaviorally. This interplay of forces, or energy, is of course present in the relationships between all matter in the universe, whether it is living (animate) or not living (inanimate).

However, there are critical differences in how different living creatures relate to their environment. These differences have far-reaching consequences for survival. Because of the overabundance of stress in our modern lives, we usually think of stress as a negative experience, but from a biological point of view, stress can be a neutral, negative, or positive

Stress has driven evolutionary change (the development and natural selection of species over time). Thus, the species that adapted best to the causes of stress (stressors) have survived and evolved into the plant and animal kingdoms we now observe.

Man is the most adaptive creature on the planet because of the evolution of the human brain, especially the part called the neo-cortex. This adaptability is largely due to the changes and stressors that we have faced and mastered.

Therefore, we, unlike other animals, can live in any climate or ecosystem, at various altitudes, and avoid the danger of predators.


way to quit smoking


Posted By: Free2beme Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 01/11/09 02:57 PM
I was abused by my family growing up...I will spare the details but lets say it was just something most would not believe and some may even call me a liar or crazy even. I had grown to be angry and hurt most of my life, then when I got married and moved away...I started to heal some. I got some theraphy, have my own loving family now and now struggle with friendships, but I am trying very hard and I think I am making SLOW but steady progress...how to forgive them? My parents who ruined most of my life who always came out looking as if they were the victims, to this day baffles me. They are church goers and people love them. What people do not know is what I had to live with all my life and still carry... I could never do half of what they did to me, to any living thing....GOD will receive them but not me, cause I seriously doubt now that he exists...I am trying hard to not take things personally, not get hurt, to not feel so different from the human race and to be normal....its been 44 years and I am still struggling...I prayed all my life and I never heard GODs voice...and I am told its me not him...its always me here,always.
Posted By: Nancy Roussy Re: Stress and Forgiving Others - 01/31/16 04:17 AM
Forgiveness is not for me but I also know that I have to move on because I will only hurt myself so I will get over it but not by forgiving.
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