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Joined: Jul 2007
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Gecko
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Gecko
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Quote:
swears at her mother...

I'd be in jail, I swear to God. I'd be in jail if my kid or even stepkid swore at me. I have visions of the kid who ever swore at me with his teeth firmly implanted in dry wall with a few teeth missing. See why I didn't have any kids? I can't take this.

My parents corrected that kind of behavior with their own methods: my mother gave a swat on the behind; my father put a vice grip on my arm and warned me not to do it again. Did the trick. I was corrected early. "Time-outs" would have been a haven for me. I would have done anything to be left alone. But instead, my parents parented and corrected rather than ignored. I didn't swear at them later.

"Time out's" = time to work your parents better next time. Give 'em a good swat or pull on the arm to force them to TALK IT OUT -- and you actually get feedback from your kid, which is called communication, which seems to be a lost art with (especially single or otherwise divorced) parents.

Bottom line = kids swear at their parents because the parents let them. Thank God I didn't have that luxury.

Last edited by Angela P; 11/22/07 09:19 PM.

"Men and women think that it is necessary to have children. It is not. It is their animal nature and social custom, rather than reason, which makes them believe that this is a necessity." --Democritus
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Gecko
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We were slapped on the legs mainly by our father - they also, kept a tight rein on all of us. Possibly too tight - I was terribly green at 18 when I started university.
Manners were really important and our speech - Mum drummed that into us - respect for other people and each other and to set the highest standards for our own conduct. You also, see the example set by your parents - our father was always mowing some elderly person's lawn or popping next door to lend a hand or driving a neighbour to the shops.
My brother, the difficult one, was slapped and slapped - sent to his bedroom, lectured - they tried everything.
My brother said to me recently that being hit didn't bother him but that deprivation would have worked - If our parents had taken his bike away for a few weeks, he definitely would have "taken notice". I mentioned it to Mum - she just groaned and said, "Now you tell me"...
It's interesting that the nightmare daughter doesn't misbehave with my older sister (she doesn't see much of me) - I think she knows that my sister simply wouldn't put up with it - it's interesting that she seems to respond to my sister BECAUSE she won't let her run the show. My sister says straight out, "if you're going to be a pain, sit at the other end of the table BUT if you can be nice company, I'd really like to chat to you" - she was a bit stunned but behaved and chatted away happily - until her mother reappeared...and the rude, loud behaviour started again.

M.B. #355806 11/23/07 12:18 AM
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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: myrabeth
Yea, I'd be a pretty strict parent, too. And I agree that in this era, strict and reasonable would get you labeled a monster. Add THAT to the list of reasons...


Yep, believe it or not, down here in NZ we have had anti-smacking legislation recently passed. You now can't give your child even a little smack on the bottom without giving yourself the potential to be arrested. Growing up, I had a few moments where my Dad gave me a smack across the legs when I pushed it too far. I deserved it and I don't think it has done any lasting damage. I get very very nervous discussing the anti-smacking legislation with anyone down here. Everything's so PC now. I know that they hope the legislation will prevent child abuse within families and I wish I believed it would. But just the fact that I think the anti-smacking legislation is over the top means that I am not PC enough to be a parent during this era.

CFFB #355861 11/23/07 11:19 AM
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Gecko
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Lots of people will say we should never go back to the "bad old days". But I laugh about how, if you misbehaved away from home, your friend's mother would give you a swat for being a brat, and then tell your mother, who'd give you another one for good measure!


Childfree? Join us at www.thechildfreelife.com.
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Gecko
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And it doesn't appear to have done you any lasting damage either Pikasam!

CFFB #355886 11/23/07 02:50 PM
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Gecko
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Sure it has. I'm one of those weird childfree people. Do you think I need therapy????? (falls about laughing).


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Gecko
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Oh yes, of COURSE. That's why we're weird and childfree! It's because our parents disciplined us and made us accountable. Now it all falls into place! Yes, you definitely need therapy. Or maybe some snowboarding...

CFFB #355929 11/23/07 09:03 PM
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Parakeet
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Oh, OK. I get it now. THAT'S what's wrong with me! I thought I was lacking some key ingredient to being a "real woman" because I didn't want kids. Turns out it's all my parents' fault for *gasp* PARENTING me!

Yea, I was spanked when I deserved it (there were some childhood shenanigans bad enough that I knew even then that a spanking was getting off easy!). I was jostled around by the arm when I refused to pay attention. I was grounded. I was chewed out. It apparently worked. I learned to avoid behaviors that led to getting in trouble. I learned to respect other people and their belongings. I learned to take care of myself and clean up after myself. Man, my parents REALLY ruined me with discipline, didn't they?


Happily Living The Childfree Life!
M.B. #355993 11/24/07 02:54 PM
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Koala
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I have been spanked once and slapped on the wrist once. I never did that stuff again.... yes, discipline does NOT need to be "violent," but sometimes it doesn't sink in until there is a slap.

And unfortunately, most parents don't seem to be good at any form of discipline, witness the parents lazily telling their children to stop a certain behavior but not actually getting up and stopping them.

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Chipmunk
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I got a well-deserved spank every so often, and it's still a joke between my brother and I about the time my mom chased me around the house with "the spanking spoon." I got away. They never actually hurt us, just scared us. That kind of discipline works very well on me.

Does anyone watch Arrested Development? The father sets up the fake traumatic accidents to scare his kids into obedience. Hilarious.

I had a dream recently about using the spanking spoon (which is a wooden spoon that I still have!) and breaking it. Not sure what that means...

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