BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids unconditional love?

I think it's great that you're teaching your daughter how to take care of herself like that. I'm currently watching a family I babysat fall apart because the kids were NEVER taught responsibility. And when I babysat and expected them to do something responsible, like clear their own dishes, clean their own messes, the parents reprimanded me. Well, I bet if she thought about it now, that mom would probably realize that it WASN'T a bad thing for me to expect the kids to clean up their own messes.

Because now she can't get the oldest to get a job or do chores around the house, and he's 19, and the youngest still throws screaming fits about doing his homework (because they never made him do homework) and he's 12. And the girl misses her softball practices and games because she expects Mom to know when they're all scheduled, so if Mom forgets, the girl ends up late and in tears.

They were so concerned with the kids only having fun that they didn't realize what a disservice they were doing to the kids (and themselves.)

Unconditional love based for genetic offspring is stupid. I love my wife unconditionally, thats something real, I chose it, I committed to it, and I honor it. Thats what love is supposed to be. Simply stating that you love something because it came from your body is ridiculous, it turns it into an obligation. If you "HAVE to love your child unconditionally" then what does meaning does it have. It's our ability not to love someone that makes love meaningfull. Loving someone based on a rigid societal belief structure remove the meaning. IMHO

Skeeter

I think that's great Lisa, having your daughter learn household tasks and teaching her to care for herself. My sister and I are 8 years apart. Growing up I was expected to do the things you've listed your daughter does. My sister for some reason missed out on being expected to do much of anything except her homework. I think it was just an 8 year time difference and with my mother working and being tired she just did the stuff herself. She must have figured it was easier for some reason. I don't know what caused the change in parenting.

In middle school I cooked, cleaned and did most of my laundry. I went to college, had my own apartment and was fine. My sister at college would call home asking if she should take the plastic off the frozen dinner before she cooked it. I believe she was 20 at this point, since previous to that she lived in a dorm and so ate on campus.

My mother still complains that now my sister is 23 and can't keep a house plant alive and that she seems dingy. I figure it's mostly my mother's fault. My sister is very motivated job/school wise, but as far as cleaning her place or acting like an adult with her home life it just isn't happening. There's something to be said for preparing your children to be adults versus just letting them act like kids until they're 30. Responsibility at home is a good thing. Worse case scenerio they just turn out to be messy, but on the other side of things the lack of motivation could carry over to school and work if parents aren't careful.

My sister did get a 3.8 at school and is now going to grad school, so it's not as if she's not productive. I just don't think she'll ever cook food from scratch though or be able to care for a cat.

My unconditional love for my daughter is not a choice I have made, it just IS. Its a reality that I have no influence over or control.

By saying you love your wife unconditionally, are you saying if she cheated on you, tried to kill you, or became a serial killer and killed a hundred of your family and friends you would still love her? I can say I would still love my daughter and actually probably MORE if she did things like this.

What??? If your daughter killed hundreds of your family and friends you'd love her MORE? That seems really odd to me. What kind of love do you feel for these family and friends who she kills?

I don't know... I guess I kind of "get" that concept. Maybe the same way the mother of a drug addict or alcoholic loves her child (even as adults) - I don't know if "more" is the way I'd put it, but it would be love mixed with sadness, pity, helplessness, etc. I don't think it would necessarily mean encouragement or condonement of the actions, just that deep feeling for the child.

I think the issue here is the distinction between "unconditional" love and "conditional" love as they pertain to children. There are a whole lot of screwed up individuals who grew up with "conditional" love. Not nec. abused, but co-dependent, or with self esteem issues from having to second guess what "condition" will win the affection/approval of the parent.

And I don't agree that you HAVE to love a child because it came from you. Otherwise we wouldn't have a world full of abused, neglected, etc. children.

Just my two cents.

I would love her more because she needs the love more. I know this is an extremely different example but when a child comes home from school and has been picked on, I feel like showing her MORE love is the appropriate thing to do.

Nothing she could do would make me stop lovig her. If she hurt people I would of course feel horribly for her victims and I would feel personally responsible to a degree but I wouldn't stop loving her.

It is hard for the CF people here to fathom an unconditional love that we have for our children. Unless you live it, you probably wouldn't be able to understand the whole realm of it.

I love my wife and am in love with my wife but if she hurt me or the children or other people, I would leave her in a quick minute. I do not feel that way with my children. I am along the same lines of belief as Lisa is in regards with our children.

I have an unconditional love for my children but do not have one for my spouse in that same way.

Welll, I guess I can understand that. I've thought I felt that way before, but realize I have not. My loss...(though this certainly doesn't seem like the best part of parenting).

I just can't understand that concept. From what has been said, the best I can comprehend is that is much like how I absolutely, positively, can not wrap my brain around the thought processes that surround people who believe in $deity. I've tried for years, and been unsuccessful in the attempt.

Thusly, I admit that I can't understand the process, so I don't try anymore. Those things are just a totally foreign concept to me.