BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do pals only contact you to brag about their kids?

Well, sounds like we are all in the same boat. And, it stinks to have a friend as you nicely put it,PMO, "drop off the face of the earth." But having all of you here make it SOOO much better! Thank you! :-) One of my friends sent pics of her baby a day or two ago. And she always sends out these mass emails (not that there is anything wrong with mass emails as I send them too on occasion, but gosh, can I get a personalized email once in a while?!)

PMO, this is a sore topic for me too, so vent all you want. It frustrates me to no end. Oh we get those "happy, happy, joy, joy" Christmas cards and letters too...Besides all the bragging and talk about how their children are so wonderful, etc, then you're stuck with all these pics of their babies and children. My husband and I joke that we are going to start sending a pic of our cat in a santa hat under our tree every year as our card (Yes, we can get him to sit long enough for a pic if we offer a treat). And along with the card, we're going to write about all the amazing things that our cat can do and has done. Then, talk about how cute and adorable he is!! Good luck with your friend that just joined the baby club.

And I agree, Tubby3pug...I expect some talk about a person's child. If I had a child, I would talk about them too. But, like you said, talking only about one thing gets very boring! I have a friend that my husband and I met on our honeymoon several years ago. Now, she is a friend....she has a baby, but still emails and talks about all sorts of other things besides the kid. Of course, she talks about the kid too, but I don't mind as long as we can have a normal adult conversation. And since we can, I actually find myself inquiring about her child because I don't feel she is pushing only that toward me. Too bad all the moms can't be like her.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds this annoying! One of my dearest friends got married and started "trying" right away (I'll spare you details of the Xmas letter we got announcing THAT! EWW!). Before, we would email all day long nearly every day (she is in UK). As soon as she was pregnant, the emails stopped except mass updates on her pregnancy, ultrasound pics, etc. etc. Now that she's had the baby, I never ever hear from her at all. Like once a month maybe and it's always just a quick update on the baby - no news about her, her husband, their friends, family, etc.

I am one of those guilty letter writers. In my defense, and in the defense of those moms. They mean well, they truly do. Once you have kids, your life becomes selfless. Your time away from work is spent doing kid things, kid vacations, etc. You also don't want your picture taken--since you probably still have those extra pounds of pregnancy that can accumulate with more kids. I have four kids, a career, a husband, an extended family nearby, but the Christmas letter is all about the kids, and yes, their acolades. Since mom (and dad) spend all of their "extra" time coaching ball, watching ball, attending spelling bees, concerts, programs, piano recitals, what else is there? I guess if they know you don't appreciate the time and effort it takes to have those kids dressed up and photographed, the time it takes to put a letter together, then maybe you shouldn't be the recipient. Because they do mean well. And to them it's quite an accomplishment to send a form letter with a picture. So send a card in return, mom will appreciate it! And those Holiday letters become somewhat of a journal of family history in years to come.

I throw those Christmas kid picture post cards straight in the trash... they don't even go up on the mantlepiece with our regular Christmas cards.
Oh and parents... if the only activities that you did this year revolved around the kids... then it's time to take some YOU time. Have a vacation or an activity that you do WITHOUT the kids in tow. Then you will at least have something other than kids to talk about, and a more well rounded/balanced life. Focusing ALL of your attentions on the kids is not healthy for you, and it's not healthy for the kids either.

My husband's brother and his wife are CF, and they send out a letter every Christmas detailing all the things they've done that year. They travel to Hawaii, go scuba diving, train their dogs and enter them in obedience trials where they win lots of ribbons. It's great! There's no reason why CF couples can't send out their own letters!

We also know a couple who did send out a picture of their cat before they had kids. The wife, when she was pregnant, told her husband that they'd have to stop hanging out so much with people without kids (can you believe that?!). The husband still meets my husband for lunch on occasion - they were friends before either of them married. And I'm just as glad not to get together with her if I'm being dismissed simply because I don't have kids.

Oh mah goodness. I have to chime in. I have a friend who just had a new baby and she never returns my email. I will write her about something, I will ask a question and when my "You've Got Mail" sound effect goes off, I have a new picture of "Baby"!

Baby in the stroller.
Baby on the floor.
Baby in the jumper.
Baby with smooshed and smashed sweet taters on her face.
Baby in the tub with hubby.

ACK!!!!!
I am not anti-kids. My husband and I have no children, just cats. However, I have totally lost any communication with my friend that is not in the realm of OH MY GOODNESS, YOUR BABY IS SO CUTE.

I wonder if I would ask to see her bowel movements?

Chel

Oh, Chel, I fee your pain!!! That is EXACTLY what I'm going through with my (former?) best friend. Every friggin email (which is few and far between now) has an attachment of Baby, so I feel obligated to respond with some variation of "your baby is so cute". I don't hate kids, either, but my friend has dropped off the planet and been replaced by this obsessed pod person. My favorite is the once or twice (in the past YEAR) I've gotten almost regular-length emails from her that actually include things other than the baby... only for me to reply and then not hear from her again for a whole month (or more). But of course I couldn't possibly understand how busy/tired she is, either. Hrrmmph.

And truthfully, it's not that I totally can't stand the Christmas letters... I don't mind seeing what everyone is up to, esp. if I don't keep in touch through the year. It's the ones that go on about how great their kids are at EVERYTHING. It's never just "Jimmy's on the swim team" it's "Jimmy's the fastest swimmer on the team and takes all the gold medals, he's also captain of the soccer team, gets perfect grades and is class president." That's what drives me batty.

Tbunny:
I know what you mean about your friend falling off the face of earth. And then, if mention that, I hear how busy she is and how hetic it is and it makes me feel as if my life at times must be meaningless. Now, I know that is not the case, I am just telling you how I feel that second when I read her email.

AND THEN, there are times when she sends out monthly email updates to all the people on her mailing list and they all reply and I get their replies.

Oh geez, listen to me vent. Oops, the litter box needs changed.

Chel

...maybe Jimmy does win all the gold medals. I believe that defending mommies to the crowd is difficult. I do wonder if it will change any of you? As for spending ME time, I'm not too worried about that, you see you only have your children around for a short time... my girls asked me, mom what are you going to do when we're all grown and gone. I replied, get a manicure! It's almost ironic. Mom's love to have an adult conversation, believe me. And as parents we spend a lot of time with other parents... because that is who you see. As far as the unhealthy thing for your kids goes, I don't think so. If anything they will complain that you weren't there, they will never complain that you were. And having four kids, there is no way you can attend everything, so I don't think I hurt them by being there all the time. I remeber having my first child, it is profound. Everything that didn't matter before now matters. And you are exhausted, lucky to get a shower somedays. So don't be so hard on mommies--maybe offer to help. I'm sure most new moms would love a helping hand, or a nap!