BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Need A Break

Leigh, I just read your "story"...I really don't have any advise but to make sure that you have time for yourself...seems like you make sure that everyone else is getting their needs met. I would be so frustrated at this point if I were you...you truly have a lot of patience! God bless you...

Leigh,
You've been through so much! Your husband has to realize that you have changed and even if it is only two months, change must begin somewhere and sometime. He is using that as an excuse.

I am going to give you some advice that you may not like to hear. I am going to tell you to get on with your own life, separate from his, and I'm also going to tell you that the next time he wants to "play" nice and take you out, don't be available.

He is having the best of both worlds and he knows it. He has his "space" and when he wants to be with you, he knows you'll be there for him.

You live your own life. Take care of yourself, make sure you always look good, get the rest you need, and exercise. You need your own space. Do you have good friends? Go out with them to a movie or shopping and let your husband watch the kids.Join a group.Find an interest, find your own space.

I feel strongly, that he is stringing you along.When you were so happy with the possibility of being back together, I thought for a second that maybe there was a chance but my instinct tells me that he is playing you.

This is way too long a time for this to still be going on.

Kristen I have been seriously thinking about calling it quits. I just want to make sure I tried 100% before doing so. I never want my kids to think I didn't try. He keeps saying he doesn't want a divorce so I don't want to hear down the road I didn't give him a chance. I have actually given myself a time limit. If he feels he can't come home by October 1st then I am going to tell him it's over.

Leigh A

Leigh,
Bless you!! You've been through hell. He needs to understand that if he wants to live separately, there are rules for that too. He is the one choosing this not you.

You are giving 200% my girl! Let him know that you are not just waiting for his whims, because that is what they are!

Be good to YOU. You deserve better.

Stay with us here, Leigh. We'll always help.

I think this is the wisest thing you could do. I give you much credit for having the courage to do what you feel is right for you and your children. Keep in mind it is very difficult for them to have to deal with all the unresolved issues your husband has on a continuing basis.

It is very definitely HEALTHY to set limits with him and let him know you are not giving him any more time to have this power over you. GOOD LUCK and best wishes.

Most of the time he seems confused. It's as if he doesn't know what to do at all.

He told me he felt like it had always been my way or the highway. He said he always let me have the say on things because he didn't want us to argue. He told me the last 10 years it was if I was the one that wore the pants and he bowed down. I had just assumed when I suggested things and he agreed that everything was okay. He now tells me he isn't going to bow down to anybody every again. So what I have gathered so far is each time I have asked him to come home it was like a demand to him. I guess that is why at times we seem to be doing real good and then a few days later he withdraws again.

He still stays mainly locked up in the apartment. In the two month's he has been there he hasn't told any of his friends where he lives. The only one's that know are the kids, his mom, and three of his sister's. He hasn't told his two brother's or his other two sister's. He told me he doesn't want anybody to know where he lives. He just wants to be left alone.

When I brought up divorce he was lost. He told me he doesn't understand why I am in a hurry to get a divorce. He keeps saying things are getting better it just takes time. I thought when I mentioned the divorce he would of agreed and be relieved. I didn't expect him to get emotional about it.

His confusion is now confusing me! I just don't know what to do now.

When it rains it pours. My 19 yr. old son tried to commit sucide last night. I had to have him committed. We was told it was because his girlfriend broke up with him. My oldest daughter told me tonight it also has alot to do with their dad. She told me he keeps telling her he wants his dad home. Out of all the kids he is the one that seemed to have the "it doesn't matter" attitude about the situation. I know if I tell my husband all this he wouldn't be able to handle it. He is still trying to get over his brother commiting sucide last month. He also feels he was part of the reason his brother did it.

Now what do I do?

Leigh A

The doctor's did an evaluation on my son yesterday. He has seen a counselor three times. As long as he guarantees he will keep his appointment's with the counselor they will let him out later today. I am going to have to give him most of my attention right now. I pray that God will see us through all this.

Thanks,
Leigh A

Leigh,
Your son needs you right now. That is your first priority, but you shouldn't have to handle this alone. His Dad needs to know about this. Your son could be seeing suicide as a way out because of his uncle's suicide. Kids and young adults copy the actions of others when they are in crisis.

You will fall apart if you go this alone. And, to be fair, this is your husband's child too. Would you want your husband to keep something like this a secret from you?

My prayers are with you and your children. Please stay with us.

God Bless you Leigh....I think you and your kids have been through the ringer...I wish I had some type of suggestion or some help for you.

My husband knows what happened to our son. He showed up right before he was taken to the hospital. At the hospital our son kept asking for his dad so they allowed him to stay with him for about four hours. My son and husband had a talk Monday night. My son is doing alot better.

My mother-in-law has been trying to talk to my husband. He is miserable all the time. She is very worried and is trying to keep an eye on him. Remember she lost her youngest son in August. She said he has told her he doesn't want a divorce nor has he been with anybody else. This was information she volunteered so I didn't ask her any questions. If his mom happens to be the only person he talks too I don't want him to lose that trust with her. She wants me to stand by him and give him time. There are days I know what to do and days that I don't.

Leigh A