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I am married (unhappily) and I have seen my sister and husband sending little flirting glances. This upsets me, my sister always feels like she has to compete with me. My husband has been the type to always try and hurt me any way he can. Am I over reacting

If you're unhappy in your marriage and your husband enjoys hurting you, then there is something wrong definitely!! Yikes! Your husband is supposed to be your *partner* that is beside you, supporting you, encouraging you. He's the one that shelters you against the world. You shouldn't need sheltering against HIM!

This is something that can destroy you slowly (or quickly even), to have the person closest to you actively trying to harm you. I would go to a therapist or minister or priest or whatever works well for you as soon as you can. It would be best for him to go too, but if he enjoys hurting you I would have to guess is that he doesn't want that to end and would refuse to go to therapy. If he does, that would be amazing and a sign that he wants the relationship to work out. But if he doesn't, go on your own.

Talk to someone about what is going on. See if you can find ways to change the dynamics so that he no longer is free to try to hurt you. There are all sorts of techniques you can try. But in the end, if it's just in his nature to want to cause you harm, and if he refuses to go to therapy, and you've talked to people yourself and done everything you could from your end, I'd keep in mind that staying in this for the rest of your life would be REALLY unhealthy. You only have one life, and it's too valuable to spend it having your life-long partner actively trying to hurt you.

I'd definitely say to try everything else first. But don't think this is normal, or that you have no option but to stay with someone who is in essence emotionally abusing you for your entire life.

Lisa summed it up great. If your husband is hurting you on purpose then you need help. See someone and talk it out.

I also agree that it sounds like you and your husband, if he is willing to go, could probably benefit from some marital therapy at this point- It sounds like you feel he's been hurtful to you many times and you've built up some strong resentment towards both him and your sister? If you're interested, a good resource for locating a therapist is: TherapistLocator.net
a site that also provides the "AAMFT's (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists) Consumer's Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy" and other resources.

Debi
BellaOnline Inspiration Host

I would agree with what was said before, but lets address the issue of flirty glances between your sister and your husband. Not only do you need to get counseling for the two of you but she needs to be included. There is something wrong with a sister acting that way. My question would be why does she need to hurt you also. I have been in a marriage full of hurt and abuse and I can tell you that it effects the rest of your life. It has effected every relationship I have had since the marriage ended. Please get some help if for no one else but yourself. I don't think you are over reacting at all. You have a right to your feelings and the right to feel secure in your marriage. I hope you find the help and answers you need.

I'm not sure I'd want the sister in the marital therapy. A marriage should be between two people, and having the sister in there during the discussions could really make it awkward. I would get the marriage worked out first, and then talk to the sister about why she feels like competing with you. Sure, if she agrees to go to therapy with you, that would be good, to build your sisterly relationship up. But that should be a separate task ...

I know my sister and I were competitive at times, and even nowadays she makes jibes about me not letting her use the piano when we were younger and so on. But the two of us work on that as our private issue, between us two.