Well, meet a fellow wierdo then. That's what I do. It's O.K. not everyone wants to have children. I am just so surprized to see how many of us there are. I mean HERE, on this site. This topic has been discussed in other threads.

I have passion for animals. I don't have that for having human children. It's just not there. It could be from the influence of a terrible mother plus the fact I wasn't around other children growing up and I never babysat. BUT I sure had a lot of animals. THEY were my friends AND family.

I would tell you about the disgusting things my mother did to me but I don't want to bring this thread down to that level.

Hang out with animal people. it's easier on your nerves. Or just hang out with animals. They are a lot more fun anyway IMO.

Really, that's awesome to know I'm not alone, I guess I should have done a search first in the forums but it really never occurred to me that other people were like me. I will do that search now and see what others are saying. Thanks! Yes I love animals too, so much, my cats and dogs seem to have all the good things people love about their children without all the bad

That's actually very sweet of you to do for your friends but isn't hard to always keep that way of thinking when you're conversing with them?

Eh, I just couldn't do it. I'd let them go. Keep it at a "hi" and "bye" sort of relationship. But then I'm more of a loner anyway. People in general annoy the hell outta me.

I'm so glad you guys share my love of animals. They are my world. And much easier to deal with than children

No that's what I meant. People try to act like I'm making a choice to not want kids when really its just that I'm different inside. I can't change, I can either stand up and fight the fight, or I can fake it and live a lie and be miserable. Just like a person who's gay. And no one can seem to understand that. And gay people have been fighting this fight for much longer and there are even studies they could point to and our society is finally starting to see the truth, but for women who don't want children we are only just beginning our battle and we need studies to begin that can show people we are born this way. OK, so the comparison does not correlate 100%, but through all this stress and pressure I do feel I've gained a better understanding of what gay people go through. And to Jellyroll above, yes it gets so tiring and stressful, but I only have kept up with the friends/family who really try to make an effort to not talk a lot about their kids and to keep our relationship strong. I guess we're making effort from both sides so those are the people who are worth it to me.

Do y'all think there is a connection between people feeling an extreme closeness to and concern for animals (putting myself in this category) and NOT feeling that way about children? Seems interesting how many of us talk about feeling so, well, *maternal* about our dogs, but can't imagine feeling that way about a human child. Thoughts?

no. to suggest that feeling close to pets and animals is a surrogate for not feeling that way about children is assuming that there is a deficiency of some sort. I am not deficient. I don't like kids. It is an option, not mandatory. If there is a gene lacking as you describe yourself, it is a superfluous gene not something that dictates one as being abnormal if it isn't there. The only thing abnormal about not wanting children is the society we live in making that the "normal" and making us feel "less than" for not agreeing.

My mother-in-law is baby crazy and treats her dogs like they are human children and that is messed up on both accounts!I love animals and I would do anything for my beloved pets, but I love them BECAUSE they are animals and not because they take the place of children in my life. They DON'T take the place of children in my life. I am not especially fond of any kind of pre-adult animal, but I dislike humans more than other animals. (Kittens and puppies are cute for a short time but I prefer cats and dogs.)

RavynG

I like the fact that when dealing with animals it's a lot simpler. Basic needs like food, warmth, shelter and a show of affection from you is all they want and need. Human children, GAH!!! It's so complicated and frustrating. I just couldn't do it. I don't WANT to so why should I??

I remember seeing some actresses whose lives were JUST what they wanted it to be THEN they decided to have children and they changed and not for the better. It seems once you have a child your whole life is up for all kinds of humilation and critisism from everyone and ANYONE who has an opinion.

Oh and what GETS me is seeing these actresses, Brooke Shields for one, who say their children ARE the most important things in their lives. Yea RIGHT. IF that was the case they'd be stay at home Moms and not out having a career. Raising children is a full time job with overtime. They pay other people to raise their children. I think they just have them for show.

I think I'm yet another person that has so many similarities to you, Kitooze, in the respect that I simply don't have it in me to be happy for people with kids. I respect their decision...but I just don't GET it. It's almost like I feel they are lying about their happiness because I could never imagine feeling that way. You explained my feelings on the matter.

I've never tried to think of those situations in the way you have, though. Usually I distance myself when the subject turns to kids with anyone I know (none of my friends have kids yet...we're all very early twenties). I don't mean to...I just have nothing to say. I don't feel what they're feeling, I don't think kids are cute, I don't think kids are anything special, and I don't feel pregnancy is anything special. I actually like getting quiet when the subject turns to kids...because then the conversation usually turns to something else after that because I have no response. I might try what you've done, though.

And just one thing I want to say to LadyLvsNyt...I think that some child-free people (and non-child-free people) think of animals in different ways. You, for example, think it's messed up to think of animals as children. For me...I love my four cats more than anyone else in the world besides my husband...because I understand them better than I understand other humans. Like you had said and I agree with, I'd prefer any animal over people. I refer to my cats as my children...not because I feel I am maternal in any way, shape, or form, but because they are more family to me than any of my human family members or friends, and it feels more natural to call them my sons and daughters than my sisters and brothers. I'm certaintly not saying you're wrong for thinking your mother-in-law is messed up; that's your opinion, by all counts. I just think it's different for some people...we don't have to be maternal to feel closer to an animal than a human and call him or her our child.

Tim's Girl,
I think of my pets as family too. and they have a dependent relationship to me because I take care of them, but they are not my "children" in the sense that children-crazy people fawn and make gaga over human children. My MIL is baby-CRAZY and treats her new puppy like a newborn infant. It is sickening and truly is messed up.
I think cats can be "babied" more safely than dogs. This puppy in question is a German Shepherd and is already 55 pounds and out of control. Cesar Milan would give up and walk away from my MIL.

I have got nothing BUT Love and Joy from all my pets. People are opposite, for me anyway.

Once when one of my baby iguanas died in my arms I sobbed for days. I mean gut-wrenching sobbing. I couldn't eat or sleep and I was devasted for a long time. he was such a Joy to take care of. He always made me laugh when I'd be standing at the sink doing dishes and he'd run up my leg, back then sit on my head and watch. They like to watch you do stuff.

The only way I can get over the grief of losing a pet is to get another baby ASAP.

Heretotalk:
I don't see the connection between people having pets and people not wanting kids. Most people who have and love pets have children too. It is a human thing to feel love for others, especially if they are dependent, helpless and cute. Most people are willing to have that in the form of children, and will go as far as to lose their freedom, sleep, peace of mind, time with partner to get it.... Others will make do with pets because dogs, cats or iguanas are not so high maintenance as kids. There are also people who love animals so much that they will have one in their life to share that with his/her children.
The difference between having children and pets is one of degree: it depends to a certain extent on our commitment capability. If my own theory is true, I must have serious commitment issues lol. I never had pets growing up, my parents wouldn't let me: too much work. In my early twenties I had a cat, I loved her more that I love most human beings, when she died I cried my eyes out for days. I was devastated. I've never had a pet again. Their lives are too short, and then, once I got used to the no-cat situation again, I started to enjoy the freedom to plan holidays and weekends without having to organize all around my precious. It didn't bother me that much at the time, but I wouldn't do it again.

To Kittoze:
I never ever understood the joys people experiment when they get pregnant or have kids. I also had a friend who went to in-vitro, and it was a mistery to me why some one would go through so much just for a baby. As much as I like cats and dogs, I never ever would want to give birth to one lol. So I just learned all the cliches and used them for all the baby situations. Of course I would never go as far as to ask if I can have it in my arms, or make questions about the particulars of pregnancy and birth. My faking ability has a limit! The best thing, when I expressed my true feelings about the whole thing to some friend: they would think I was pretty much pretending, and that I was saying that I did not want children because I had not met the right man or because I was too young or because I liked to play being differen rrrrrr!!!!

I have to agree with not getting the whole 'I have to have a baby' thing. Especially the need to birth your own. I just can't see why you would go to all that expense, trouble, and emotional pain when there are so many children who could use a good home!

So, Kittoze, I totally get about how you have to detach yourself from the true nature of the conversation in order to think of something appropriate and sincere to say to friends. It's really hard sometimes...

As to not feeling anything for kids... if liking kids was scaled on 1 to 10, where 10 is absolute adoration, 5 is toleration, and 1 is extreme dislike, I fall pretty close to the 1. Sometimes I wish I were different (it would sure make family relations easier) and sometimes I thinks it makes my husband a tad uncomfortable with how much I detest them, but I just can't help it. Get bullied the way I did through school and see how hearing children's laughter can affect you! Funny, even on this form I find myself censoring what I say in order to be 'acceptable.'

Karen, on that scale, I am a zero. Like you said, sometimes I wish I felt at least a little bit of tolerance for kids...just to show everyone I'm not an evil person, I just don't like kids at all. But that's the way I am.

LadyLvsNyt (I keep having to scroll up and scroll back down to type your name right! Haha), it's good to know the details on your opinion. Although I respected your opinion, I wondered how you could judge someone else's feelings, especially being child-free and being judged yourself, but it's good to know your mother-in-law's relationship with her dogs is just weird to you rather than unacceptable. I treat my cats as family, as a parent would treat their human child, but trust me...I don't like the over the top cooing, either.

Navigaar, I could copy and paste your post and add in a different animal. I've had many people with close connections to me pass away, then I've had animals pass away. When the people die...I just want to say, "Okay, so what...let's move on." It doesn't bother me. I had chickens when I was in middle school, and the death of my runt hen, ChiChi, sent me into a deep depression amoung other things that lasted until two years ago. I felt guilty over her death for seven years...I couldn't eat for days after her death...I wanted to pass myself, even staying at Children's Hospital for suicidal reasons. All this sounds ridiculous for someone who doesn't believe that a person can have a deep connection with an animal (let alone a chicken), but I've been through it and the mourning stages are intense. I've never felt anything for any human other than my husband...the rest of my deep relationships have been with animals. I may be weird, but I'm guessing you agree when I say I wouldn't have it any other way.