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So much for medical professional

Posted By: swearbear

So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 01:59 AM

Just a warning...I'm in a bad mood, so, I'm going to let it all out for you lucky people to read:

I just got back from my yearly exam with my lady-parts doctor. Every year, I chicken out and tell her "not this year" when she asks me about when I will be having children. This year, I decided to be brave and tell her that hubby and I are child free by choice...that way, she wouldn't waste her time discussing my age and fertility yet again. Big mistake. Her demeanor changed immediately...she started angerly lecturing me about what a gift children are and how after the age of 50 "there is nothing left for you. life is nothing anymore unless you have grandchildren". and how when your baby says "momma" for the first time it is the greatest gift ever...then went onto some lecture about how god will help me make it through the tough times if that is what I am afraid of. Every time I tried to get a word in, she would say "No! Let me finish!" Then, after this lecture, she says "I am not going to refill your birth control pills. Think hard about having children for 3 months, then come back and we will discuss methods that are easier on your fertility." When I asked her what I should do in the mean time, she recommended the rhythm method...that's how my friend got pregnant...I told my husband when I got home (after I cried for a long half hour...anyone who knows me knows I don't cry for anything) and he said "The rhythm method!?! This b*ch wants to get you pregnant." Where did all of the professional doctors go? And why were they replaced with bible beating, baby loving lunatics?
Posted By: loong

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 02:34 AM

Dearswearbear,

Change doctor.A woman is free to do what she wants with her body.
If less people would bear children we would not have 1 in 4 girls regularely agressed raped ,by family members ,fathers ,brothers ,uncles ,cousins.We would have woman that are not scarred for life by these monsters.

Change Doctor

loong
Posted By: Dolyn

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 03:32 AM

Oh my God, you should report her to the medical board. If there is no medical reason for her to deny you BCP then what she is doing is completely unethical. Yes, definitely, get a new doctor. Heck, if I were you, I'd make a giant sign that says "THIS DOCTOR REFUSED TO FILL MY BIRTH CONTROL PRESCRIPTION WHEN I TOLD HER MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE DECIDED WE DO NOT WANT ANY CHILDREN" and stand outside her office with it. I'd post this on Yelp.com, Yellowpages.com, Angie's list, and any other review website I could find. I'd run an ad in the local paper. I'd completely ruin this persons reputation in the gynocological community.

NEVER MESS WITH A CHILDFREE WOMAN'S BIRTH CONTROL!!!
Posted By: Ninjahedgewych

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 06:45 AM

I'd also recommend letting The Consumerist know about this too. They have very good 'rep'for stamping on the idiots and bad guys.
Posted By: Samb.

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 11:12 AM

You just have to love when these kinds of people become doctors. You know? The type of person who thinks it's wrong to have sex but not have children. The type of person who would just as soon force celibacy on someone the moment they found out they weren't having kids on purpose as they would force them to get pregnant as a punishment by removing their means of protection. I am terrified of becoming pregnant, and I am terrified of child birth. If a doctor did this to me, you can bet I'd blacken their name before the whole world. I'm done playing nice when it comes to this sort of thing. No doctor should ever have the right to take you off of your medication (no matter it's purpose) on the grounds that they dislike or disagree with your reasons for taking it. What if a doctor just removed insulin from a diabetic person because they found out one of the person's reasons for taking it was to maintain a good weight? I mean, it just makes no freaking sense at all. Report that idiot, because she does not belong in the medical industry at all.
Posted By: Samb.

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 01:05 PM

I would have said "No, you're going to listen to me now lady, since I am the customer and you are the customer service in this joint. I come here every year and let you mess with my [censored] and somehow that makes you think you have the right to tell me what to do with it? How about you keep your personal opinions to yourself and do your job like you're supposed to? Just because you're my doctor doesn't give you the exclusive right to tell me what I should be using my [censored] for. If I want to use it for sex, I will. If I don't want to use it to push out a brat I won't. You're supposed to be a professional. Do you're freaking job and fill my prescription. Just because you pap my smear don't give you the right to force me to do anything with it, or change my mind just because you disagree."
Posted By: P_W_M

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 04:14 PM

I'm in agreement here with the others. It is definitely time to find a different doctor. You might even have to go to a different practice. You should not be "ashamed" to inform your doctor of the decision you and your husband have decided with regard to children. I can tell you that not all doctors are like that. My Ob-gyn is a great doctor. I have never felt pressure by her that my husband and I were doing something wrong with regards to not having children. She even talked to me about potential risks involved in having a baby. She knows that my husband and I do not want children, and she says that not everyone is supposed to become parents. I wish you luck in finding a doctor who will respect your decision. I know that there are some out there - you just have to look a little harder.
Posted By: Debbie-SpiritualityEditor

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 09:23 PM

Oh my goodness.....this makes me ill. I am so lucky that I do not have a doctor like this. I NEVER have been told by my doctor to have kids when I do not want them.

A new doctor is in order of course, my friend.

The previous doctor should be reported. She is supposed to give medical advice, not personal opinions on how you should live your life. That is totally unprofessional. Who knows how many others were influenced by her and they gave in.....
Posted By: Debbie-SpiritualityEditor

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 09:27 PM

Just so you know, I have posted many times on this forum in the past two years as Cassie67. Cassie was not my real name, but now that I am an editor here I had to own up to who I really am!

I wanted to let you all know who this "new" girl is posting on the forum. Cheers!
Posted By: phdkim

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/25/12 10:28 PM

Totally report her. What she did was completely unprofessional and inappropriate. The AMA Ethics code says "The patient has the right to courtesy, respect, dignity, responsiveness, and timely attention to his or her needs." That quack did not give you that. You can find the contact info for the Boards of Medical Examiners in all 50 states here: www.ama-assn.org/resources/doc/ethics/state-medical-boards.pdf If that link doesn't come through, just Google "Medical Board" and your state name. You should also report her to the ethics boards of the hospitals she's affiliated with (if you know). This behavior is not acceptable.
Posted By: Giselle

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/26/12 07:35 PM

Hi,

I hardly ever write on the forum but when I read what you have written I just had to write in. I recommend that you just find another doctor. That simple. Do not return to the one you have because you do not feel peace with her. Doctor's should not provide opinions on the patient's life style unless it harms the patient.

In life I believe you should listen to that little voice inside of you. This is your Soul speaking to you. You will know it is talking because you will feel it.

Deciding to not have children is one that is made purely from a feeling. I know it is the right decision because I believe the feeling is so strong that it is your Soul speaking to you. It is the truth.

Best. Giselle
Posted By: KC2500

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/26/12 11:52 PM

That is UNBELIEVABLE. She has NO RIGHT to deny your medicine. Call her office back first thing and tell her to fill your BC and if she doesn't, you are going public. And after she does fill it, tell her exactly why you won't be returning. What an abuse of her position. And by the way, my best friend is 50 (I'm 28). I can't imagine her hearing about this! She and her hubby don't have kids, but they have a wonderful life! Good marriage, spoiled rotten dogs, a comfortable home, fun hobbies and lots of cruises and wine nights!!! Her life is anything but empty. This "doc" sounds like a miserable old b*tch who can't stand the fact that she missed out on being Childfree. Kick her to the curb!
Posted By: Connie - ADD/Sandwiches/Reading

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/27/12 01:09 AM

I agree with all of the above posters. My husband and I had children by a conscious choice. Before we made that choice we were scrupulous with birth control. It is a wise woman who refuses to have children that she does not want!

Nobody should have their medication withheld because the doctor doesn't approve of their personal choices. Find another doctor. Report that one, and if you want to spend the energy, make her sorry that she tried to mess with you. Otherwise, just spend your energy having a good life with your husband.
Posted By: cream pie

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/27/12 01:15 AM

Swearbear ~ I totally agree with all the replies you have received. That so-called-doctor needs to be disciplined severely. Please report her, to prevent her from doing this sort of thing to others. She acted very unprofessional and this is so unacceptable. Who does she think she is???? She MUST learn that she cannot dictate what people do /don't do in regards to having kids. Unbelievable, simlpy unbelievable !!

cp
Posted By: Solalux

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/27/12 07:22 AM

Originally Posted By: swearbear
I just got back from my yearly exam with my lady-parts doctor. Every year, I chicken out and tell her "not this year" when she asks me about when I will be having children. This year, I decided to be brave and tell her that hubby and I are child free by choice...that way, she wouldn't waste her time discussing my age and fertility yet again.....
Where did all of the professional doctors go? And why were they replaced with bible beating, baby loving lunatics?


The fact alone that you were going in fear to your gynecologist every year was more than reason enough to change doctors in the first place. From your post, I might be wrong, I get the impression that you seem to think that in our "child-oriented world" its is normal or even common to be preached even at your doctor's about having children. Well, it it is not. When/if a gynecologist asks "are you trying to conceive?" it is in a professional protocolary way, because it affects other gynecological decisions, not because s/he should show any interest in your private life.

But refusing to give you birth control... Wow. Report this crazy lady to a medical board. Really. She sounds insane.
Posted By: swearbear

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/28/12 12:55 AM

It almost brings me to tears how grateful I am to have all of your support. I am taking measures to report her to the medical board (for this among other things such as her apathy towards my concern about a change in my cycle...her response was "if you are worried, take a pregnancy test"...and I showed her where the blood pressure cuff left red marks on my arm..to which she said "its just because you are pale"...I have a bruise today where the red marks were) but, Solalux is right, I shouldn't have kept going to her, but, I expected professionalism from her when I told her we don't want children. Thank you all so much for your support.
Posted By: Debbie-SpiritualityEditor

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/28/12 04:57 PM

We are always here for you, and like you, we can see when something is obviously "wrong". So sorry you had to go through this.
Posted By: bassgrrl

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/30/12 08:05 PM

I agree with the others - leave her behind and report her. Her opinion is one thing, but denying you birth control for no reason other than her biased opinion is cruel.

I also would like to add that her opinion about your happiness after age 50 is contrary to what research indicates. What I've read repeatedly is women over 50 who never had children tend to be happier than those who had them. The first time I saw this was in "Seasons of a Women's Life," which was a long-term study. I've also seen the same type of data in books written about preparing for menopause.

I was also recently antagonized by someone who claimed to be a therapist that I would be alone and miserable after age 50 if I didn't run out and get impregnated by someone (anyone, according to her!) immediately. I could tell by our earlier conversation that it was about her - she'd had an abortion she regretted earlier in life. She was obviously projecting her own issues and should have known better, considering the profession she claimed. I laughed at her and walked away.
Posted By: swearbear

Re: So much for medical professional - 04/30/12 09:17 PM

Bassgrrl...your therapist sounds just like my doctor...on our first meeting, my doctor told me she had waited to have children until she was done with her residency, and by that time, she could only have 1 and it turned out to be a girl, so her husband never got the son he wanted...

My husband's aunt is 64 and has never had children..she is the happiest of all of the siblings...I'm glad to see others have seen this, too...I hoped the aunt wasn't a fluke.
Posted By: thisiseasycash

Re: So much for medical professional - 05/01/12 01:36 AM

Seriously? Are you kidding? Report her a$$ and find another doctor. I'm dead serious she needs to be reported.
Posted By: Debbie-SpiritualityEditor

Re: So much for medical professional - 05/01/12 02:55 AM

Oh goodness....that thing about being miserable without kids at age 50 is a bunch of horse poop. I have friends who are over 50, have kids, and are always stressed out. The kids are grown and out of the house, and yet they are still major pains in the neck. I am happy to be childfree at almost 45, thank you very much.

It is an individual choice, one I am happy I made, and my friends I referenced above tell me that I made the right choice. Some women just have kids because they feel it is what they are supposed to do, but later they regret it because they did not take the time to really make the right choice for themselves. Whichever way you go it should be your choice and yours alone, not influenced by anybody else.
Posted By: missyT

Re: So much for medical professional - 05/02/12 05:34 AM

I know you've received many responses, but after reading this post I was so appalled at the unprofessional, patronizing, and rude behavior of this doctor, that I simply had to respond. First of all don't have sex until those pills are refilled by your NEW OB/GYN this woman wants to keep herself in the baby business and has decided to use her sales pitch on you. While finding a new doc, I'd be sure to let the old doc know why you're switching and also to write her a nice review online talking about her horrid bedside manner or should I say lack thereof. What a lunatic!
Posted By: bassgrrl

Re: So much for medical professional - 05/02/12 02:40 PM

I am VERY happy to say the woman wasn't my therapist - she was someone I was making small talk before a performance. It went from small, pleasant conversation to her freaking out on my life choices.

What your doctor did sure sounds like projection to me!

I also had a happy, vivacious great aunt who choose never to have children (possibly because she was one of 12 kids!). She lived to be around 90 and her funeral was packed with people of all ages. She was a character and I always admired her. I am also fortunate to have quite a few childfree friends of all ages who are happy with their lives. The people I know who are the happiest live their lives on their own terms, parents or not.
Posted By: PizzaHut

Re: So much for medical professional - 05/17/12 01:26 PM

I might be wrong, but it feels like in the UK there is a lot less pressure - maybe it helps that I live in London. When I asked for a copper IUD to be inserted when I was already on the Pill, the clinic I went to was fully supportive, even though they felt I was being over-careful of getting pregnant. One nurse gently suggested that if I was so terrified of getting pregnant I might want to examine why, but not in an offensive way. Bearing in mind that the Pill / IUD / exam etc are all free over here, I was impressed by the way I was treated. You have my full sympathy!
Posted By: SamanthaG123

Re: So much for medical professional - 05/25/12 06:15 PM

We're friends with plenty of people without kids, and the reason there is no pressure on them is because of the people they surround themselves with. I don't think it has anything to do with the geographical location. You can find preachers anywhere in the world, just like people who will volunteer their opinion whether or not you ask for it!
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