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After I was done here she came back downstairs (she just has gone back upstairs) to "not talk against" him a few more time.

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And her plan to just finish the basement is already gone, she just told me she will paint the stairwell, soon or another day she will say she will also paint the upstairs, yeah, she really will keep half of the money from the sale of this house!

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After my breakfast I asked mom if dad will stay at Irene's too and she said that he had not answered that question yet but followed by saying that even if he wants to stay she will send him back here!

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Mom started making excuses about what will be our new house (if we are still here in about 3 years they are going to lose the house and everything else they own) and a few minutes ago she continued with more.

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Nancy -

A critical key of reducing stress is to take steps toward positive gain.

I am curious what step you are taking right now to moving out. Why are you calling it "our house"? I thought your plan was to move out?

It shouldn't matter what they plan for 3 years, since you will be long gone by then.


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I am living here so it is our house.

Monday I did something so that was my start, tomorrow is another step and others will follow. I do not want to talk about it except that it started well and I am happy about it plus I have had so far zero moments of doubt and also zero moments of wanting to quit. The most awesome thing is that the new drama did not affected my restart at all, I think it even gave it a boost.

Sunday I will start walking again so that too is a good thing and that will give me more energy and keep me calm at least when alone outside especially on the beach.

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Nancy -

The words one uses are incredibly powerful. It's important to think of this as THEIR house that you will leave. It is THEIR house that is separate from your future.

If I live in a hotel it's not MY hotel. It is somewhere I am about to leave.

The more you make an effort to change your words, the more it will solidify your new reality. Study after study shows this.

That is great that you will be walking - getting daily exercise is absolutely critical to helping the brain work properly.


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I actually have put some money in this house so that too is why I am saying our house, it is not a big amount of money but still it's what it is.

I would of started walking sooner but since I haven't walked since this past Summer (went on the beach this past autumn and in the yard too but a walk not since like june or july) but I figured that going in the cold after being inside almost 100% of the time was not a good idea especially since my last cold was when I was tired and went outside when it was cold (still suffering from insomnia).

Anyway tomorrow is the second step of my restart and I am excited about it then after a while I will start step three smile.

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It is official soon they will put the house for sale. If I am still here by then I will stick around just to see if they finally act like sane human beings and find a house that would be perfect like the one I found yesterday and they put almost everything else aside, if they do not do that then I am gone. I certainly will not stick around forever even if they do end up in the house I found or another like it or even better and even if they have a lot of savings aside (if that happens then i bet that dad will go at it until theres nothing left - he cannot let just 1 cent be put aside and doing nothing + he and mom loves to be in debt) if this is what happens then that would just to have more savings for my new life.

That house would be so awesome; the basement to myself, being able to go to the kitchen without dad being in the living room and everything at walking distance.

Dad is angry, he probably would love it to stay here and then end up in the streets. Mom is like a bipolar person, so far today with our talks she cannot wait to get away and is not making up excuses but it will change soon that is for sure. I am happy because either way I know I will be okay with my savings.

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Poor mom does not think that having 100000$ in savings is enough to survive for a couple the age of my parents. I keep explain to her and it either does not compute or it's just her addiction to debt and drama that stops her from understanding this. Their pension check is more than enough for food for all three of us plus dad's cell phone plus the phone bill and all the other bills that include the internet and satellite dish. That even leaves enough for gas, insurance and even electricity. So that with a house that is 100000$ or less with zero renovations and a saving of at least 100000$ is like they are rich but it still does not compute in her brain somehow.

And dad is ashamed of having to sell the house. In his brain they can remain here. He even told mom the other day they just have to cut with the food. He wants the prestige that come with this house but in three years he will live in the streets and there's no prestige there but again his brain cannot understand any of this.

The previous houses they were in debt but never in danger of losing it except when he left his job so they had to sell in Saint-Hubert. Here the taxes are too high and the yard is too big to take care of.

So yeah it should be amusing to see what they will do and when. Of course without my savings I would not find this amusing at all.

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