BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Finally home

Thank you again, ladies. Having your support means so much to me and I'm so thankful there is a forum like this now. I can't imagine going through this without people to talk to who understand. I have the support group, but that is only every 2 weeks. We actually have 2 dogs here. An American Bulldog and and America Staffordshire Terrier (Pit Bull), at that. And they do bark normally if someone they don't know comes to the door. They were at the vet's office the day she came last week. They are both huge babies though, only scary if you don't know them. I would think they'd protect family, but who knows. Ha. My dad took me out for dinner tonight. On the way home, I heard this song on the radio called: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain. It made me cry (good tears). I feel like it came at the perfect time.

So you're standing in the middle of the thunder and lightning / And I know you're feeling like you just can't win but you're trying / It's hard to keep on keepin' on when you're being pushed around / Don't even know which way is up, you just keep spinning down around and down / Every storm runs, runs out of rain / Just like every dark night turns into day / Every heartache will fade away / Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain / So hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more and walk out that door / Go find a new rose, don't be afraid of the thorns cause we all have thorns / Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind / And when you fall back down, keep on remembering / Every storm runs, runs out of rain / Just like every dark night turns into day / Every heartache will fade away / Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain / It's gonna run out of pain / It's gonna run out of sting / It's gonna leave you alone / It's gonna set you free / Set you free / Every storm runs, runs out of rain / Just like every dark night turns into day / Every heartache will fade away / Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain / It's gonna set you free / It's gonna run out of pain / And set you free

Faith, I would bet you anything that those dogs would protect you to the point of biting a chunk out of anyone whom they could sense was stressing you out. I once saw a friend's Golden Retriever attack a Husky who attempted to pick on the Golden's favorite cat. The Golden put that Husky in his place, and if a Golden would do that (they're the most frivolous, playful dogs imaginable) for a cat, I think a fiercely loyal dog like a bulldog or pit bull would definitely do that for you, their human family.

Thanks Allyson

For that positive feed-back. It's one of the things that really makes Bella special if not, amidst everything, almost a mystic/unique - sensation. In my opinion anyway.

Going it alone is a (I'll just censor this) save some footprints of some kind. But ya, the hotlines, the agencies, you know they just took you in circles with all of the menu options.

And about the "family?" Me too.

In fact, my family was impressed w/this guy. He had money, a great job and political familiarities is the best, safest way to put it. So, they encouraged our being together thinking he'd be a good care-giver. Ouch...just - out of the ballpark so not on target, lol.

I was younger and listened though. It's no one's fault, just I thought they're right...

I didn't know that side of the law even existed. All i had was a farm I rebuilt w/my daughter after leaving and actually moving closer so he could stop by and see her whenever he wanted because he had told me he was too busy to cover his "dad" days.

Then when he thought about the child support...well, he pulled in his resources. But someday, my daughter...she'll find me. I just feel it

Dear Elliese!

It is so uncanny how our lives are very similar. You're daughter will find you (how old?). I am also estranged from my 2 sons. My first love (my first husband), who I married when I was 18, was a big manipulater! As a young married couple, everyone thought we were the best together. He started his own A/C Refrigeration business which I helped with (on the phone, typing documents, coordinating clients etc), in between 2 toddlers, cooking meals, cleaning...need I go on there!

Well, to cut a long story short, he too, pulled out his resources behind my back, moved in another woman who he's been married to (who looked just like me back then..lol) ...weird! He's very, very wealthy...that didn't matter to me. I'm a one on one person and when I said I wanted a family I meant it. It's just that I wasn't "smart" enough in my teens and early twenties back in England to notice behaviours in other people and such. I DO NOW! And the funny thing is that when it was all over, EVERYBODY told me what he was like, but I couldn't see it.

I felt ashamed. I was the first born. I was the first in the WHOLE history of my ancestery to be divorced. It was a very bad time and felt bad for my parents. Then I broke their heart and came to America at 29. But HEY! now there's Skype and I video call them every weekend.

See there's always a bright side to every story. Just that I wish my boys were a part of it.

You're daughter will find you and then it will be your turn to undo all of the (censored) he's been filling her head with. Right?

That wasn't short, was it? LOL

Lol, ya Allyson - see that's how altruistic I am. I even save the computer from having to do anything extra

I have to skim long posts. I, well have whatever, AH - got it: residual head-trauma, thingy. Just leftovers. One of them is bouncing words and like a shadow vision. Anywhoo.

The significance is the first part I read of your post. I really don't know how old she is. I know she's over 10, maybe 12? I have some memory loss. So I can't remember the birthdays and stuff.

But I DO remember being pregnant and I was at the top of the stairs. So was he. He didn't want to go through w/you know...(I don't want her to find this). Oh...but I did have a dream about her - gosh I just flashed to it. Now I have 3 dreams to post. 3's seem to follow me everywhere.

But anyway...he laughed when I fell down the stairs. Went on my back like a sleigh. Leaned over the railing, arms like indian style (what we refer to sitting indian style/I'm Cherokee) but crosslegged, but his chin was on his hands looking down at me.

I mean...what do you do when it's as (censored) up as that? Plus I was in the middle of a cornfield. The closest neighbor was over a mile away and in a small town, so like you - he had already worked the town.

It didn't even occur to me to be something I'm not. And like you my finances were limited. Estranged? I don't know if, when it comes to someone we love - we're ever a stranger or estranged, you know.

We're in the back of their mind's somewhere and no matter how old she is when she finds me. I'll probably go to pick her up like she's 12, lol