BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Stress Management What is your stress level today?

I had another experience with a spider today! A baby was in my bedroom and I went to kill that thing but it fell on the ground and I was not able to find it so now I'm going to be stressed out everytime I'm in my bedroom especially since that kind of spider gets really big!

I was sitting on my television chair relaxing with the music of 300 and my dad stressed me out for a while when he was singing like a maniac again when my mom was making his supper.

Besides that I'm okay today.

Today was actually a really great day with low stress. My mother surprised me with a day at a local motel, where I could get clean, have WIFI, have AC. I took the world's longest bath and tried out some bathing products to review for Amazon.

It's hard not having WIFI at home anymore. I can only do so much on my smartphone.

Anyway, what a relaxing day.

Nancy -

I'm sorry that you have such challenges in your family.

I'm confused why there would be non-real doctors seeing her. In the US doctors have to be licensed. Do you have a sense that there are unlicensed doctors practicing in your area? What would they think is wrong, that they couldn't help with at all?

I still get the sense that your father wants attention and his "teasing" your mother is how he gets it. And your mother feels her role is to be the family support so she takes the teasing and tries her best to care for the house and feed the family. So both are locked into patterns that they've been in for so long that they don't even think about them any more. They are just what they do. It's like walking the same path to school every day for years - after a while you don't even see the path any more. It is just the way you go.

Your two real options are to work to change it, or to find a way to be at peace with it. Either you try to reduce it, or you accept the way it is. If your path is to feel upset every time it happens, that's just not healthy for you.

For your grandmother, it sounds like she has a powerful reason to be at home, and probably nothing else will ever "come above" that in her mind. So, accepting that, the best path seems to be to do the best to make the home stay as gentle and pleasant as possible. Maybe a nurse can visit once or twice a week, and help her that way?

Dear Nancy -

I used to fear spiders, and it meant I had stress every time I saw one. I realized that was something I could work on. Over time I trained myself to love spiders. I do now love spiders. I am joyful when I see one.

The mind can be trained. You can change daily occurrences in your life to bring you joy, rather than stress. That can help make your entire life more peaceful.

One tiny step at a time.

Again it sounds to me that your father enjoyed being the center of attention and dragged out the process so he was getting the spotlight. He thrived in that role. So one solution is to not give him that spotlight. If you truly need help with a spider, go to your mother. Pretend your father isn't even there. It sounds like his presence didn't help the situation any, so just don't even go to him.

Jilly -

That is wonderful that you got a day to relax and remove stress from your world! You absolutely deserve it. And that will give you a fresh foundation from which to start tomorrow!

I generally like to stay home all day, but today I went out to meet with two different groups of people to do some brainstorming. So on one hand there was some stress about being there on time, and traffic, but on the other hand the meetings were quite productive and I have some good notes. The modern world of traffic and social networking is always changing, so staying on top of what to do can be a challenge. I appreciate having these groups to talk with.

It was stressful driving up because we passed a fairly horrific accident involving a motorcycle. It reminded me that every day is precious and should be appreciated.

Lisa,

I don't see how I could change my fear of spiders. Last Autumn before a Formula One race I was watching television waiting for my juice to freeze so I could eat breakfast I suddendly had the sensation that I had to look down and there was the biggest spider I have ever seen, that thing was bigger than a tarentula and had it's legs in a v-shape ready to jump, I almots died right there and there's zero exageration! My screams of death did not even made my parents get up and no gigantic brown spider was ever found, it took me many months to be able to put my feet on the ground while on a chair and walk in a room that was dark. That's the main reason why for most of the year I don't walk, when you walk during Summer and you see many trees have their tops full of spider webs and you get at least one nearly jumping on your feet almost everytime you are out it's not very fun. Plus they walk in the snow during Winter (NO joke!!!!). When I had a job I could of went on beautiful islands but the fear of tarentulas was what stopped me, when I see beautiful images of paradise like places the spiders and how big they must be is always my firt thought.

My grandmom has always refused help that is from outside the family. And what she accepts from her family are small things like driving her somewhere, nothing like helping her clean her house. My parents were finally able to put a longer cable on her phone so she could answer while in bed, that took them more than a year to do that!

When I screamed for help with the spider on the fridge both my parents were in the basement so they both arrived at the same time. He normally don't joke around with spiders, that one was a baby so he must he figured he could do that then, did not worked like that.

The doctors here are licensed but they don't care. When pushed they do their work but my mom was letting them push her around so they did it. The doctor I saw when I first went to the emergency room when I thought I was chocking called me crazy, that's how they are here. On May 27 my mom has a test then on June 11 she has blood tests and on June 21 she goes to see our worthless doctor who retires soon after. If she is still standing then who knows when she will be able to see the real doctor who cares. Again, if my mom would not have waited to this point it could all be over now! And I bet that what she really have is something easy to find (if you are a doctor) and easy to cure. She still goes off about my grandmom spending her entire life refusing medical care when she could have, she also says almost everyday that if she ever gets cataracts she will go to Montreal to get that taken care of, it's a miracle that I have not said to her oh like you did when you first got sick! If she would be clueless like my dad it would be less frustrating.

Nancy -

Just to focus on the spiders, look at all the ways this fear is causing your life to be restricted! If you could remove this one fear, so many other aspects of your life would instantly open up for you. This one change could make an enormous difference.

Yes it won't be instant. It will take a while. That's fine! The things in life worth having usually take a while. There's no need to rush. Take tiny little steps towards it and celebrate each one.

For now, try reducing the length of your scream. Sure, you'll probably scream when you first see it. Then take ten deep breaths. Breathe and focus on those breathings. That is all you need for the first step. Screaming more doesn't help in any way .

My stress level today is much lower than before. I completed my storage unit task......it is empty and now I don't have to pay for another month's rent on it! It has been three years of having my stuff an hour away and paying over $1200 a year. I am more calm now knowing I won't have that bill anymore. I just have to figure out where to put all the stuff I took out!

At least the stress level is going in the right direction as I take care of issues that have been hanging over my head.

I just need a job now....

I had another experience with a spider today! This time it was bigger and when I saw it it was close to my feet! My mom was there and she got it immediately.

I really don't see how this phobia could get better for me. I was actually getting better with it before moving so I know that I at least could get it under control but the spiders here are so monstrous that there is no way to put that fear away or at least manage it!

As for my stress level, besides the spider, it is normal today.