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Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822368
05/19/13 08:35 PM
05/19/13 08:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
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Nancy Roussy  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Today I was okay until my parents came back inside. My dad of course came inside hours before my mom did (its a miracle he even helped her) and came downstairs to check if she came back in before 18:00. When she finished washing up a little and changed her clothes he started laughing at her then started to whistle and sing after she went to the basement to relax a little. I actually woke up when they came in for dinner and then he did not laughed at her by laughing but by asking her why she was not eating and giving her ideas of what to eat (he does that as often as laughing at her). These two people truely deserve each others, it's just a shame that they decided years ago to also have kids (most people who have kids should not just like them).

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822402
05/20/13 02:33 AM
05/20/13 02:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lisa LowCarb  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Debbie -

Have you thought about putting out short specific-topic ebooks? I find mine do best when they are short, quick, and on something that a person has a need to learn about "right now". So "how to flirt for guys" and "how to flirt for girls" and "quick microwave low carb recipes" and so on. It needs to be on a targeted, specific topic to work well.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822403
05/20/13 02:36 AM
05/20/13 02:36 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Lisa LowCarb  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Nancy -

Maybe we can look at his asking her to eat as his way of being concerned about her and wanting her to eat something. Which you would want too. So that is a good sign.

Hopefully the doctors can figure out soon why her appetite is low, and help it. I know from experience that when I'm not hungry, it's hard to "force" myself to eat. If she's just not hungry, she may be in that situation.

In the meantime, there must be a way to separate your own emotional health from what they do. Your happiness needs to be separate from what they do or don't do. Maybe consider them a scientific experiment of aliens that you can watch without being bothered by it?


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822404
05/20/13 02:38 AM
05/20/13 02:38 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Lisa LowCarb  Offline
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Posts: 22,776
Today there was stress before we headed off to the wedding of a friend. I'm not sure exactly what made my boyfriend stressed about it. I then reacted to his stress in a less than calm manner smile. I continue to need practice in learning to not get drawn in when he is stressed. I need to maintain my own calm.

Once it was done, the rest of the day went very smoothly and calmly.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Ruby June] #822405
05/20/13 02:40 AM
05/20/13 02:40 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Lisa LowCarb  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Dear Ruby Jane -

It is wonderful that you are getting the support you need to have the right medicine. That can really be so key in having good health.

That is great news about the new job, too. We all deserve to feel like we have choices in life, that we are not "trapped". We should stay somewhere because we want to, not because there is no other choice.

I would definitely consider therapy with your husband, to talk it through. It's natural for finances to cause issues in any relationship. It's natural for feelings to wax and wane and wax again over time. So maybe talking it through with a third person can be helpful there. Often giving up on something part way through means you miss out on the best that is yet to come.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Nancy Roussy] #822407
05/20/13 02:48 AM
05/20/13 02:48 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 22,776
Lisa LowCarb Offline
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Lisa LowCarb  Offline
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Posts: 22,776
Dear Nancy -

I hadn't responded to your previous message, I see!

It is very common in life that we know intellectually what to do but emotionally we have roadblocks. Think of all the people who know they should exercise, but who do not do it. They have a wealth of reasons and rationalizations why they don't, even though logically they know it's critical for body health. So I think every one of us rationalizes in certain areas of our life. It's normal and natural.

The issue of an older person needing help is quite thoroughly studied, and what your grandmother is doing is quite normal. We start out as helpless infants. We grow and learn and at each stage we build independence. Finally we are on our own and in charge of our own lives and "an adult". It is *enormously* hard, after decades of this, to then "regress". To in essence turn into an infant again. People fight this tooth and nail. They don't want to lose their independence.

For your grandmother, any concession is an admission that she is no longer a fully functional adult. It's like saying "I'm a child and I need help." Few people want to do that. So she's going to resist. The key is to find a way to help her see that she IS a wonderful, intelligent, fully functional adult - and at the same time she just needs help in one particular area. Just like I need Bob's help opening a peanut butter jar. It doesn't mean I'm not a full adult, it just means we all have different strengths.

So maybe gently going from that angle might help.

Moving from the home one loves is enormously difficult. The home represents independence and control and an investment of love and attention. It would be like abandoning a favorite pet. So there needs to be a careful transition planned out. Maybe there is an event or two she can do at a local senior center, to start having her see the others as a desirable group to be a part of? Again she has to look FORWARD to moving - she can't see this as an enormous penalty she has to suffer.


Lisa Shea, Low Carb and Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822412
05/20/13 03:54 AM
05/20/13 03:54 AM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Nancy Roussy  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
Hi Lisa, I'm glad the wedding you went to with your boyfriend went well.

My dad asked that to be mean. He knows that my mom cannot eat because when she does and even when she does not eat it hurts. Rarely does a day goes by without him being cruel like that. Even when she could eat she still could not eat anything because of digestion problem and some allergies and during that time he would just asked her if she would want some then just laugh when she'd say no you know that I can't eat that. A few months ago they did told her what she has but first they are such worthless doctors and they took so much time to end up with that diagnostic that they cannot be trusted and lastly they just told her that then said there's nothing that can be done. The new doctor wants to help and appears to be a real doctor but the tests she wants done to my mom before she is sure of what to do are not soon enough and then there's the big question of when my mom will see her again, if she's still standing that day and if by some miracle there's a game plan then when will that start. To think that more than a year ago it could of all been taken care of but no my mom waited more than half a year to ask for medical help then she let these morons use her for a year then just accepted that nothing could be done. Now she looks like she's fed up but again she accepts to wait maybe until the end of Summer. Just like she accepts my dad laughing at her and like she accepts being his slave. Yesterday she took pity on him that he did not have store bought cake or candy or chips or anything else to snack on and eventhough he did not complain about it for even one second she made him cake which by the way he hates and only ate like three since then (it was 1 of these powder that you mix with like 2 other things but still SHE CANT EAT AND HE DOES NOT SUPPORT HER SO SHE DID NOT HAVE TO DO THAT AT ALL ESPECIALLY SINCE HE ASKED NOTHING).

As for my grandmom I know how it must be hard for people when they get old and realise they cannot do most of whate they were able to do but she has always been like that and the reason why she is like that now is because of her actions. She used to go out often and help people and give her time but when she had to place grandad she decided to stop going out because people would talk. The same with all her injuries and illnesses she waited too long and now she just moves a little and screams from the pain. But the main reason why she does not want to leave is because her favorite child still lives with her. He was about five when she left to deliver another baby and during that time he had a huge accident where he was hit by a car, she has had remorse about that since then and also since then she has always put him first. He is heartless too so he has always taken advantage of this. When he is in trouble he knows that mommy is there. Plus he knows that the end is near for her which also means that his perfect life will soon be over so he more than doubled his actions towards her to get more and more.

One of my aunt (dads side) is like my parents and grandmom, she has a screwed up back because of her actions. In her case she went to seek too many help, she went to different kinds of doctors at the same time and never tried just one thing at a time and wait if it could work. She would like to sue someone for this but she can't because she can't know which doctor did that.

And I'm not going to start with an aunt and one of her son, these two are something else.

So I don't think there's a normal person in my family!

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822531
05/20/13 07:42 PM
05/20/13 07:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Nancy Roussy  Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
I had a stressful experience just before breakfast. I have a phobia of spiders and one was on the fridge when I went to the kitchen so I screamed for my parents and of course my dad had to act like he was mentally challenged so after saying for about a minute where the spider was he decided to see it and he was so slow that it disappeared, after about two or three minutes he realised that it was on the kleenex then he lost it again and started to laughed so I screamed at him and my mom found it again and after a few more tries the spider was finally killed. He went to hide in the basement because unlike my mom he cannot make fun of me and scream at me. He came back up when I went upstairs after eating. That's just like him, have fun at the expanse of others but when the people he laughs at dare not let him he either explode with rage or goes into hiding when he knows he cannot do that, and my mom who lets him.

Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Lisa LowCarb] #822539
05/20/13 07:49 PM
05/20/13 07:49 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,808
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Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
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Debbie-SpiritualityEditor  Offline
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Elephant
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,808
My stress level went down at least by half. I took care of a problem I have been putting off dealing with for a few days, and it has made a big difference in my outlook. Still working on the storage unit but I am making headway.

One day at a time.....


Debbie Grejdus
Spirituality Site Editor
Spirituality Forum Moderator
Re: What is your stress level today? [Re: Angela J. Shirley] #822670
05/21/13 04:56 PM
05/21/13 04:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
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Nancy Roussy Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Nancy Roussy  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,487
Grand-Métis, Quebec, Canada
I'm happy that you were able to take care of a problem Debbie, good luck with the rest!

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