BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Clairvoyance Toxic Relationships

There are some relationships that are hard to say "No" to. They defy what you know to be common sense, but out of love, can keep going back or offering help again and again.

Signature to a "Toxic Relationship" is a person, family, friend, lover, etc. who, if they've either been caught, "called out", or otherwise held responsible for an action, will provide statements that justify their actions and quite often come up w/a half-truth that works to their benefit, even saying they did it for your own good...

It's up to the willing participant w/in one of these relationships to either call it quits or learn a set of boundardies you respect yourself enough to live with.

If it's happened more than once, it's likely set in motion to happen yet once again.

Latest Article:

Earth Angels & Toxic Relationships

Nice article. I loved your article. No one is willing to continue their relationships with other but we should respect others who are in our relationship.

Hi Karen:

Your article really helped to confirm what I have come to realize recently. In the past I had often wondered why I kept repeating the same life incidents. Yes, you are right - we determine what we are going to tolerate and should not feel guilty for doing this.

Thank you,

Great article, Elleise. Sometimes we just have to learn to say "no" and to take care of ourselves.

I agree - it is a great article - I'm still learning not to over-extend ...

Hi Elleise! Your article made important points. There is one more I'd like to add, if you don't mind!

That is...when you make the decision to part ways with a person, it is wise to do so without any emotional baggage such as resentment, anger, disappointment. If you carry any emotional baggage from this relationship with you, you will most likely find a similar relationship in your future path. Why? Because of the universal law that like attracts like.

There are several reasons why we meet up with contrary or toxic people during our lives:

1. Karma. There could be holdover unresolved issues between you from previous incarnations that need to be severed.
2. Like attracts like. This does not mean that you and the toxic person are alike in all ways but there is *some* aspect of each other that is. Search high, low and deep within yourself to find out what it is and heal it quickly. This part is hard because we don't see our faults as clearly as we see the faults in others. The similarity may not be what makes the other person toxic, but there is some other trait you share or could have shared if you did not take a higher road.
3. Help. Typically, these souls who come down with very toxic personality traits are here to help others. Look, if earth were filled with only gentle, loving beings, we would never learn about the full range of human emotions and our own power in mastering them. We would not know forgiveness if there were no one to forgive or if there were no one to offend us in order for us to forgive. We would not know the sweet liberation of hope and light if we did not know the bleak, forlorn emotion of hopelessness and darkness.
5. Example. Toxic people show us those contrasting emotions, traits or elements that are less pleasant so that we can understand them without having to experience or embody them ourselves. It makes our ability to *choose* how we want to be, how to create our own lives, so much easier and faster. We learn by their example what we do not want.
5. Healing. Toxic people need healing. They offer us a chance to aid in their healing. If not for them, we never could be the "earth angels" we aspire to be.

Toxic people serve a purpose. When they chose to incarnate, they chose the harder path. The easier paths, the ones where there will be love, friendship, joy, are desired by all but the stronger souls choose the harder paths because of the spiritual growth they will gain as well as the spiritual growth that others can gain when dealing with them on earth.

They teach lessons. It is our job to learn those lessons that come from facing toxic situations.

I am not saying that anyone should endure toxic relationships. Just learn the lesson as quickly as you can and when you move on, do so with a sense of gratitude. If you cannot release them with kind feelings towards them, you haven't learned the lesson.

*When you say no or set boundaries, do so with a calm resoluteness without judgment, defensiveness or anything negative being sent back to the other person.

*Please understand that each person on earth is doing the best he can at his current level of understanding. Think of toxic people as little children and guide them as such.

Love really heals. Send loving energy their way. Ask God to protect them as they continue on their earth travels.

As you continue to think joyful, loving thoughts, you will gravitate away from toxic people. When you harbor sad, guilty or angry feelings towards them, this is the vibrational similarity that keeps you in each other's lives.

It works. Every time. Keep being happy, loving, grateful and people who continually chose to live in toxic vibrations will find being around you quite uncomfortable.

Angela, Jennie, Debbie you've brought up some really great points!

Usually, the "giver" is the one that's always there and often will drop anything they're doing to help. The giver is usually the one that IS the respectful one and may even politely mention or try to approach the "Taker" w/this is really hard to keep doing or I love you but I can't watch you or be an enabler for this to keep continuing.

That's when "distance" or rather boundaries need to be implemented and believe you me, you're likely to get a bit of a backlash at first...almost like a perpetulant child might react if you took away their "Nookie" .

Wonderful article, Elleise.

I have been on a long spiritual journey with a spiritual teacher and have found that I need to know when to say, "I cannot help you right now, I need time for myself."

All my life I have reached out to help others and left myself alone to wander without direction on my own spiritual path. Over the last year or so, this has changed a lot and I find it easier than I thought to be aware of what I need. I also realize there is not much I can do to help others if I cannot help myself.

I have had to let go of some friendships that were just too negative and destructive, in order to allow myself the freedom to grow spiritually.

Trying to help others when you cannot help yourself is like trying to make pancakes without the pan -- one needs a foundation to support the mix.

Susan...you know, lol - for grief sake it's seems it's almost like a "Rubix-Cube" (sp).

It's a work in progress, but you know when you're going in the wrong direction when your heart keeps breaking again and again. That's when you STOP. Even if you don't know what to do next, just STOP what you've been doing...basically, to save yourself