BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Got yelled at for telling the truth to a kid...

So, mother's day comes and goes once again. I've really never had any issues with it, and me and my siblings have always gotten together to celebrate with our mom. This year, my sister is a new mom, so there were more presents to go around (I got my sister something because I knew her soon-to-be exhusband wouldn't, and I was right). Anyway, out of nowhere, my 8 year old niece starts questioning me:

Niece: Aunt Dee, when are you getting married?

Me: Um... I am married. Have been for 8 years. Uncle Carlos, ring any bells? (Seriously, she should know this).

Niece: When are you going to have kids?

Me: I'm not going to have kids.

Niece: Why not?

Me: Because your uncle Carlos and I don't want them.

Niece: You shouldn't be here then. It's Mother's Day and you aren't a mom!

Me: (Alright, I'm about ready to curse out an 8 year old. Keeping my calm...) I'm here to celebrate mother's day with MY mother the same way you celebrate it with your mother.

Niece: If you don't have kids, you'll die an old maid!

Me: (What the...? Still keeping calm). Actually, the term "old maid" refers to someone who isn't married, which I am. Still, that is a terrible name to call anyone, and you shouldn't do it. Getting married and having kids are not obligations, they are choices.

At this point, her mom (conspicuously) calls her away to do something in the kitchen and then my brother (her dad) and my mom both berate me for what I said to her. They told me I shouldn't have said I don't want kids and that they aren't obligations. I'll give her a "complex."

What the...? A "COMPLEX?!" A "complex" about what? Is she going to have an existential crisis about her existence on the planet because I told her that having kids is a choice? Or, do they think me telling her that is going to make her decide to never have kids? Frankly, I have money on her getting pregnant when she is in high school anyway. You know, no one batted an eyelash later on when her uncle (my other brother) described to her how to make vodka soaked gummy bears!

A "complex." Pfft. I guess I learned this weekend that my family is supportive of my choice not to have kids as long as I "keep in the closet," so to speak, around their kids. Ugh.

- Old Maid D.

Hi there Dolyn,

Aren't choices wonderful things? There you are having made a clear choice not to have children, there is a sister who is getting 'divorced', there is your Mom who made her choices then and makes them now, and there is your 8-year old niece, still a child, who is testing the waters in life as she learns about making choices too.

Let them go with love, do not give away your precious power by reacting to this exchange, and while I am not being flippant at all, please go and plant a flower to remind yourself of your own inner beauty.

What is your favourite flower? Where abouts do you live? What is your favourite past time? If I were a magical person and somehow could give you a whole afternoon to yourself, what would you do with the time? Worry about some upsetting misunderstood comments most likely taken out of context? Nah ah ... you are too smart for that.

Take a deep breath now and smile. Let it go. There, and that is my say-a-say for today.

Cheers

P S Go to the birds site and read my story about a remarkable chicken called Fanny who avoided the pot time and time again - smart chicken I say!

What about the complex she could give you telling you that you are going to die an old maid and that you shouldn't be there because you aren't a mom? And they all ask me why I hate kids...stories like that.

Seriously Swearbear, right? I mean, what if she had pulled this on someone who was infertile? Luckily, I'm not about to let a little kid give me a complex. But, it's good to know that pronatalism is clearly being banged into the heads of our youth. Old maid, where did she even hear that?!

Wow.....unbelievable, Dolyn. This kind of thing should not even be coming out of a kid's mouth. If I was the parent of that girl I would be disciplining her for being rude!!!

Debbie
(formerly Cassie67)

Hello all,

Where do you think that child learnt to be rude if rude is what you all think she was being? Just musing and say thanks...

She sounds rude, but she also sounds like she heard someone saying those things TBH, otherwise where would she get them? I wouldn't have thrown the word obligated out at a kid though, I think I'd have actually tried to make her understand and playing whoever set her up to it at their own game.

Of course the girl heard this from someone else, probably her parents. It was still very rude to say and she should not have been allowed to get away with it, whether or not she is just repeating what she heard from a prior adult conversation.

Hi Debbie,

I am afraid we are going to have to agree to disagree on this one; and I will be bowing out of this conversation now as I do not think I have anything else useful to offer anyone.

You must have been a very mature 8 year old.

Send best regards now

The point I am making is that if a child is being inappropriate they ought to be corrected. It is the only way they will learn, especially in the areas of respect and tact towards other people, family included.

Not everyone will agree with me and that is fine. I welcome other points of view.