BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage is it okay to come second or third to your husband

I was summing up 2011 in another post as transitional, and I can't help but wonder how many people are going through such transitional periods in their lifes.

When you ring in the New Year I'll wish you the best for 2012.

Thanks! Yeah, no doubt there will be many transitions coming up ahead.

I am in transition right now. My divorce went down in May of 2010 and I am still trying to get over it. Next year has got to be a better year.

I'd say 2012 is "Transition City!"

But the feeling I get is the kind like, gentle-people, start your engines, type of deal.

I feel A - LOT of energy rolling in and this is the beginning of it all. (sheesh I haven't even had my champagne yet)!

It will be like "Universal lotto", where everyone coasting along on this type of energy wins something, no matter how much they feel they've lost.

But don't get too crazy, because 2025 seems monumental for some reason...pace along with celebration feels important

Jilly, by sharing with us, you have been such a "help" to us - thank you for doing this and we are ALWAYS here for you!!!

Oh my Jilly! That's huge! Please know my thoughts are with you.

My first love put his mother before me. It was extraordinarily painful, but she didn't like me and she worked hard to drive a wedge between us. Though he was an idiot - we would have split up anyway.

I'm sorry gals, My wife is my first priority. She knows that she is worthy and because of that in return I know that also. This culture would make women second, third, or 50th. Maybe I am wrong about this but maybe if we knew that we were number one with ourselves then possibly our spouse would eventually feel the same. Jilly you are a cool gal. You are second to no-one. dave

Please allow me to add one more note.

I left my mom to marry my wife. Now she is number one. I still love my mom and I have enough room inside to love even more than those two. We all do. dave

In the movie, "Ten Commandments" I remember when Sephora told Nefritiri, "You lost Moses when he went to seek his God. I lost him when he found his God."

There are many instances where a wife comes second. To God. To a cause. To a man's own weaknesses such as addictions. In ancient Asia, it was fairly common for a wife to come second to a man's mother.

But...I don't think of it as coming second. You can come first, second, third or lower only if you are separate from him. When "the two shall become one" I think of my husband and I as one in spirit. I am he and he is me. What he loves, I love. When I think like that, there is no need for rankings.

Lori, that's lovely. Yeah, I do not have that. Not close!

Dave, you are so sweet. Thank you for your kindness. I really need to take that to heart: to not let anyone feel i am not number one with myself. I am taking self esteem classes to help me with this.