have just read your post sad1, and am thinking of you. It is difficult to make such a life change, and I'm sure you'll make it when you feel the time is right.
Also, start putting money aside - however little - in another bank account, and constantly look at your options.
believe in yourself - that may be difficult, but just look at the support you've got from this small site, so take heart.
Plus take strength from family / friends around you. anyone who loves you wouldn't want you to suffer, and would offer support as best they can. good luck.
