BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Future In-laws and Baby Talk

I think a lot of people want others to have children so they can suffer like they did.

Many have children to extend thier own egos and insecurities.

LOL! I actually had a friend tell me precisely that. He was joking of course... kinda.

When I was working in an office, it was strange how you could watch these barracuda career women start at the office, work a few years, realise their careers weren't going anywhere, and then get pregnant. It was like they decided they couldn't be what they wanted to be careerwise, so they'd have a baby instead. I always thought, "That poor baby!"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the only way to get them to stop is by being as crude and shocking as possible. For instance, a cousin once asked me when I was going to have kids, and I replied with a straight face, "When the world runs out of wire hangers." Note how I said "ONCE." She never asked again. People tend not to bring things up if they are afraid of what you are going to say.

Granted, this may not be an appropriate thing to say to a boss or coworker, but family? I'm really not concerned with what they think of me.

As for the baby talk, it doesn't bother me as much I guess. I use it as an opportunity to talk about my cats. If I have to hear about your human baby, then you have to listen to the story about how my cat spent 5 minutes trying to get a piece of tape off her back foot. And, yes, I'm going to personally demonstrate how she shook back foot and walked in circles trying to catch it. If they don't like cats, oh well.

-D.

I agree, Dolyn. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me too!

I usually walk away when people start talking about babies. It's not that it bothers me. But I like to participate actively in conversations, and I just can't when the talk is all about babies. I just have nothing to say. Once I worked in an office full of women who are all either new mothers or expecting or trying to get pregnant. We had a team lunch every Friday and they drove me absolutely nuts not to be able to talk about anything! Then one day I brought in my "baby" pictures -- photos of my new Irish Wolfhound from birth to three months old. Some cooed over them. Some were insulted I was cutting into their baby talk with photos of an animal. But I played dumb like I didn't understand what I'd done wrong.

When I was in school, I was taught that it was rude to continue a conversation that left some people in the party out. Like you don't talk about women's stuff in a room of mixed company, or you don't talk about science if there are non-scientists in the group, or you don't talk about horses if not everyone in the group is interested in horses. That's common politeness. I wonder how people forgot that?

What I hated most of all when I was younger - teens & twenties - was the condescending 'you'll change your mind when you meet the right man' attitude. We're constantly fed the idea that if you love someone you 'should' want to have kids with them. It's mindset that I'm sure creates some very unhappy families.

I also hated being told that there was no point in being married unless you intended to have children.

After reading some of these posts, I feel very fortunate that I have really never had issues like this. Maybe it is because both my parents passed-on early in life before I was ever married, but, with me showing my independent nature early in life, they figured it out on their own.

My husband has been the so-called "black-sheep" for years and because of this, I have never met his side of the family. We show our good intentions by sending cards for the holidays and birthdays with no response from them but, we know we are doing the right thing

Dolyn is correct in trying to be as forward and shocking as possible. Beating around the bush and not making yourself clear, in my experiences, has only caused constant questioning over and over again about the same subject. I shut them up pretty quick when I tell them "Hay, I have over 70 kids that I deal with everyday being a bus driver so why would I want the problems of having any on a premanent basis? You only have 2 kids to deal with and you have the gaul to sit here and complain about it"? I just laugh at them!

I know exactly what you mean! I'm constantly being told things like this. It is very condescending to look down on someone because they're younger and presume to tell them what's going on in their head and how they will change their mind when they become "wiser", and grow up more.

I've never had someone tell me that being married is only for having kids, but what a bunch of nonsense! How petty and shallow. Basically what those people are saying is that they only married their partner to get something out of them: Children. Isn't the main reason that you marry someone because you love them? If you don't love your partner then you have no business being with that person! After all, if you don't really want a marriage, but just wanted some sperm, why not go to a sperm bank and forget the whole hassle of a year and a half of planning a wedding that isn't even real?

I would never want a wedding that felt fake nor would I want anything about the day to be fake. If all you want is a kid and not a marriage based on love and honesty, then just go to the mother-humping sperm bank! Am I right?!

Then tell them that you are "fixed" and you already flunked the adoption application.

They know my tubes aren't tied, but adoption I know I wouldn't be able to do because we aren't prepared financially. But telling them I'm fixed would be a good idea.

I'd just pretend I didn't hear what they said and start talking about a totally unrelated topic. People love to talk about themselves so turn it back on them. Wow did you lose weight? You look really nice today. What perfume are you wearing? I love the earrings where'd you get them? Don't give them a chance to talk about anything else. Or turn around and ask them a really random or personal question.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don�t like and like so many things we don�t do?

When it�s all said and done, will you have said more than you�ve done?