BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Decisions About Kids

Hey Cassie67,
I just wanted to reach out to you because I'm male and this is similar to my situation excepting I'm 49, and God brought me Connie when I was 38. What pain we must endure for this illusory pre-packaged sold and shoved down our throat concept of ' love '.
Buy this product and you will have love.
Then the economics kick in and women have much more to lose in this vicious and vile game of human love. I had to find divine love, and I paid a terrible price. However, it is much more comforting and enduring.



That is pure ego.

He had his insurance policy on the side.

My Heart goes out to the hundreds if not thousands of women who busted their [censored], were dedicated to the nth degree when times we lean while hubby got the education, then when he became the pilot, the lawyer, the doctor... all of a sudden the bimbos start coming around and the ego gets puffed up !!

That's why I AM Here on this forum.

Do you know what the statistics are for poverty stricken elderly women ?!

Something has to be done.

Then you wonder why for the first time in history that there were more women in the workforce in 2010 then men !

Wimps !

Absolfrikingloutely !!

To Sam B.:

I'm a little older and my brain don't work as well, so I have to be honest with you that I have just skimmed most of your posts.

I want you to help me in resolving my Christianity with my choice not to have children.

I grew up Catholic which promotes huge families.

My parents thought for themselves and I'm the youngest of three sons.

When I was 22 I met a virgin who was 20 and she wanted to pop out bambinos NOW... well, I had to blow her off without having relations because we were both too young and stupid and no money. What the hell are you going to live on ... love ?
Yeah, right...
Anyway, she came from a family of 12 children and two of her older sisters decided to be spinsters...
You wonder why ?
They had to bust their behind to raise the younger ones.
I regret that I didn't marry then but I can't bring it back.
I'm somewhat healed, but ever since I was 16yrs, everytime I broke up I ended up in the psych ward -- bipolar in 1977 before it was fashionable dahling !
Sooo... I share your battle against, " You're not Christian if you don't marry and bambinos ".
I mean what the heck ?
Look at the economy... no steady stable jobs... you want babies, you pretty much have to lie cheat and steal to support them !!!
Give me a break !!
Well, I'm pretty much healed now @ 49.
Connie has grown children, (boy and girl), and I have step-grandbabies that live in another state.
Works for me.
I had to delve into the deeper mysteries of live like why in the heck am I here ????!!!
Bottom line:
Every human being on the planet has two and only two variables in which to form their life...

Time and/or Money

No Money, No Time... Period.

I don't care if you love god hate god are the streetsweeper, the ibm executive or the pope or a factory worker or anything inbetween..

Money.

Time.

I had to have the time to read about esoteric and mystical Christianity and walk closer to Jesus Christ My Living LORD, not some dead guy on a cross. (don't mean to offend)

It hurts to be alive.

Forces beyond our control have pretty much destroyed the nuclear family by design.

Please help us Jesus !

But not in the way that if you walk and talk our way then you'll be in like Flynn.

You give 40 exact same bibles to 40 different people you get 40 different opinions and a lot of war and bloodshed all in the name of God...

Please help me to reconcile the mindset -- you're scum if you don't have babies, male or female and still be able to love and serve God.

I would never think anyone on this planet is scum for not wanting children. In my opinion you're doing a real justice to your sanity if you don't. I never believed and will never believe that there's any one person on this planet put here just for one specific purpose. I like to try and carve my own path and make my own way. To be honest, if I were to give birth and try to raise a kid, that child probably wouldn't even make it to age 1. I'm not a mother and I know this. I refuse to go through so much pain solely in order to please those around me. I was not raised Catholic, but in the "Church of Christ." My father would never let us talk about other denominations so most of my knowledge of them comes from outside sources. I'm afraid that my young age means I haven't had anywhere near the amount of experiences on the matter that you do. Most of the help I'm trying to give is based on opinion still, even though some does come from what I learned when I was a teenager. I just don't think that two people in a relationship should take any orders from outside sources. When it comes to fellow Christians, I choose to say that they aren't God. They may be speaking from their interpretation of what's written in the scripture, but they still are not God himself. They have no right to look down on others and judge them, after all, God doesn't do that. There's no reason the people of faith should either.

Well said, Sam B., well said...
Age and experience really doesn't mean anything.
There are 45yr olds who can't get past 17yrs old mindset.
And there are 14yr olds who blow away 85yr olds in wisdom like Our LORD Jesus Christ.
When I said scum, some denominations are so vigorous in their beliefs that that is how they would treat people like you and your love and me and my love.
No Babies=Not Christian... Period. End of Story.

Hey, there are plenty of people on this earth that I disagree with. But, unlike most Christian folk I know, I don't consider them lesser for it. As long as we're all stuck on this big water-logged ball together, we may as well try to make the best of it.

Or blow ourselves up -- either or

Yeah, I guess some people do that too. I'm particularly good at ignoring people who like to ridicule others, so I choose to just move on from it all and make myself happy, no matter how selfish.

That's not selfish, that's smart.

Though over-concern I've practically destroyed my life.

Hello Sam B,

I classify as one of the women that changed her mind about kids after marriage, 2 years and a half to be precise. Let me tell you, it is HELL!! I suffered so much when I made the decision (probably the biggest of my life) because I knew my husband would be shocked and it would affect (for the worse) my marriage. I tortured myself for months trying to get convinced that I wanted kids, but to no avail. I hated myself for feeling that way (the guilt!), not because I didn't want kids, but because of how it would affect my husband. It was so horrible!! Honestly, no words to describe it.

First my husband was in denial, he thought it was all a big joke. He would say "so when we have kids..." and I'd be like "but I already told you I don't want any", and you'd just see the SHOCK in his face.
Then he stopped talking about it altogether thinking that if he stopped "pressuring" me, I'd change my mind.
Then he thought I was going through some phase and would eventually come to my "senses".
Then he'd try to make me feel bad and guilty for not wanting kids, making nasty comments and just plain being an a**hole.

But I never changed my mind and he finally realized this was it, I would NEVER have kids! From day one I told him he was free to go, to leave me and find another woman to have kids with, if that's what he wanted. It was sooo hard to do because I loved him so much, so the possibility of losing him was the biggest price to pay for my "new" decision.

But guess what? He has told me he's not crazy about kids either, and might never want any. I know I've "enlightened" him about the whole issue, forcing him to REALLY think about what it entails to have kids. Today, 2 years after my decision, we are still together and very happy. Not only does he respect my decision but on various occasions has shown me that he doesn't want kids either! It is not an issue between us anymore.

Not all couples stay together, in fact, most split because of this, so I'm very lucky that I was able to make the best decision for me AND keep my man.

Wow !
Way Cool !!