BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Do You Remember Your Best Friend from Grade School

Phyllis - with the modern search engines available are you not able to track down this friend for your mother? That might be a lot of fun!

I moved in 5th grade and in 9th grade so I had to start over again each time with friends. While I don't have any friends from the 5th grade move - I imagine we were too young to really maintain a long distance friendship at that age - I do have two friends from my 6th-8th grade years that I see every few months. I also have another friend from the new high school who I see every year or so.

I never had any real people friends in grade school but Dr. Seuss made life bearable. I love him to this day.

I was basically blind, could only see gray shadows and the occasional blob of bright color. I didn't know I was experiencing something different than anybody else so I never complained. Parents, grandparents, other adult relatives, siblings, friends, school teachers, nobody else noticed anything amiss either. I just never got picked to be on the team, no matter what the game, even if we were playing at my house. Made excellent grades and was exceptionally obedient, afraid to complain about anything. Never forgot a single word ever spoken and had perfect recall of anything that close enough for me to see it - except those baseballs and basketballs that conked me in the head before I knew to duck!

Still, I knew I was different and thought I was mentally retarded (that was the term back then - sorry. Turns out I was just tall for my age / different story entirely).

I could get a book close enough to my face to read, though, and once Dick, Jane, Sally, and their dog Spot (remember them?) taught me to read, a whole new world opened up. I fell in permanent love with Dr. Seuss in the second grade.

It was my fourth grade teacher who became suspicious. She sent me to the school nurse to get my eyes checked. I didn't see the big E on the eye chart till multiple surgeries I had in my late 20s (either had to fix the eyes or shorten the nose!) but the glasses with the coke-bottle lenses I got at age ten changed my life.

It was a weird childhood but I learned how to be totally at peace with myself, whether I'm completely alone or in a crowded room. I wouldn't change this experience for the world.

Know what I've come to appreciate most about that oddball childhood? Most people don't tell the truth and I know it. People have a tendency to say one thing while hiding what's real. I think it's because of our natural tendency to want to be liked and accepted by others.

I could detect those who were authentic versus those who were not. This natural discernment caused me lots of problems with relationships until I learned that my childhood gave me such tremendous insight into other people's psyches that I could stop worrying about their perception of me and pay more attention to them. Their unspoken story tells me so much more than the words they speak.

Even today, I don't have lots and lots of friends but the few I do have are true friends and we've been friends for decades. I've learned to value quality over quantity, especially when it comes to the people in my life.

And I've learned that no one is so blind as s/he who will not see.

That is so wonderful, Lisa, that you still see these friends from earlier years. I had one friend, Sue, whom I kept in touch with for years. Her family moved to Florida and we were both heart-broken to part. We lost touch with each other when she married and moved to another state - I never heard from her again. I have an old faded picture of the two of us.

I will ask my mother if she remembers her friends last name. The school they went to is still in good condition and still in use as a school in South Dakota. If I can get a last name, maybe we can track her down. Thanks, Lisa, for the suggestion -- that would be a wonderful gift for my mother and her friend.

Sandy, what a touching story about your childhood. I find it so endearing and lovely that you did not see your vision as a handicap, even to this day, but as a wonderful learning experience.

That is very beautiful how it brought such strength of wisdom and the fact that you gained "tremendous insight into other people's psyches that I could stop worrying about their perception of me and pay more attention to them. Their unspoken story tells me so much more than the words they speak."

This is a great experience and story to pass on to others.

Glad you liked that story, Phyllis. After hitting the submit button, I thought the post might be way too sappy and off topic; wished I hadn't written it. You've made me feel better about it. Thanks

That perception thing really threw me for a long time since I was getting so many mixed signals I didn't know how to respond to people. Thought I was a bumbling idiot when it came to dealing with other people. I was a painfully shy introvert but not anymore! I wouldn't change a thing about it.

And I do consider the entire experience with visual difficulties a miraculous blessing - for the insights I gained growing up and full appreciation for the WONDERFUL view of the world I see today. Modern medicine does work miracles and it's often small measures that get the job done, not the heroics.

Examining childhood memories led to insight, too, about mixed signals. My mother is an identical twin. I grew up in a very small town so I was very close to my (twin) aunt and cousins; saw them almost every single day. I remember all the other kids crawling into the wrong mother's lap from time to time but I never did, even though they could see them clearly and I couldn't. I think that, even without seeing their very similar faces, I always knew who was who. I often see people who remind me of my aunt (Betty White, for instance - LOL!) but I've never come across anybody who reminds me of my mother. Strange, huh?

To anyone trying to locate long-lost friends or family, have you tried Ancestry.com? I used it extensively a year or so ago writing a family cookbook that turned into more of a historical account of my family (for six generations!) than a collection of recipes. I've had many people, not family, tell me they enjoy reading the historical stuff better than the recipes. My great-grandparents had nine kids and I tracked down everybody. That website was a tremendous help. You have to buy a subscription but I think I paid only about $13 for a month's subscription then cancelled once the work was done. They have birth / death / marriage / divorce records, military, criminal, census, even school rosters! Their records go back hundreds of years and they're constantly updating their databases. I suggest making a list of every family tree or person you'd like to locate and devote a month's membership to gathering as much data as you can. The site even offers links and suggested relatives once you've got a family tree started. Careful, though - it's addictive!

Dr. Seuss is still my best childhood friend. Oh, the places he took me!

You are welcome, Sandy. What I find so very interesting and inspiring is that instead of pulling away from people, this condition helped you to understand others so much more. I was also painfully shy and introverted as a child, especially at school. It made me remain shy and introverted for many years. It was not till I was an adult that I was able to use that experience to understand not only others with the same condition, but myself as well.

Dr. Seuss was a favorite of my children. My gosh! we must have had every Dr. Seuss book that was ever written. I read to my children so much that I had the books memorized.

Another friend I had in grade school was so sweet. She was the friend I knew the longest because we lived in that community longer than anywhere else. We lived close to each other, played together every day, walked to and from school together and even joined the same square dance group.

We moved often when my siblings and I were growing up. Our homes were in rural communities because Dad and Mom liked to have chickens, goats, and pigs to supplement the family food sources. With seven kids, they made good use of land with vegetable gardens and fruit trees.

My best friend was Kelley Ann Metz. She was a year older and my protector, since I was such a timid little kid in many ways. As a kindergartner, I was standing outside the school, crying in the rain, because I was afraid to go in. We were trained not to go into the building until the recess bell rang. Of course, there was no recess in the rain. Kelley took me by the hand and led me into the building. She was a "big girl" in first grade.

Although we were of different socio-economic status, went to different schools, and had many diverse interests, we were friends until she moved away. In the manner of little girls of 50-years-ago, we used rose thorns, pricked our fingers, and became blood sisters. It was a more innocent time.

Phyllis - you grew up with goats, chickens, pigs, gardens, and fruit trees??? I sure wish I lived there now. Sounds like heaven on earth to me, you lucky duck

Connie - how nice to have a friend and protector like Kelley Ann Metz. Sounds like the perfect choice for a blood sister. I miss those more innocent times, don't you?

Sandy - it sounds like you grew up able to sense what was really important about people, and were not distracted by their looks! Maybe we should have all children learn to grow up that way.

Phyllis - I think everyone should take notes from you and learn how to self sustain with home crops. Even apartment dwellers can grow container gardens in their windows. It saves a lot of money!

Lisa, home crops were our staple when we were growing up. We ate things that most kids now have not even heard of. We were very healthy kids. I would love to have a vegetable garden now.

Our neighborhood would gather together in the fall for Apple Cider Time. Everyone brought their apples from the orchards and we made, well my Dad and the other men, made apple cider. It was a huge community gathering. The women and children got involved too with preparation of the apples and jugs.

Some of the cider went into my Dad's work shop and became fit for only the men to drink during the winter months. My brothers, friends and I sneaked in there one evening and tried the hard cider - it was great! Made us a bit sick later though.